The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Starting the New Year in Fine Style

[venusandmars]

Hello, I'm Venus, and standing in for Mouse (who usually starts all our threads)

This is a safe and welcoming place for anyone who is facing up to a problem with alcohol. It may be something you’ve known for years, or it may be that struggling with dry January has made you re-think your relationship with drink.
Anyway, welcome old and new, lurkers and posters. It can be a weird thread at times – travelling on a bus called Gerald.... he takes us up and down and this wondrous land, searching high and low for Babes in need of some support, a warm place to sit and chat, and to have someone to listen to them.

So, grab a seat as we swing by your way. There's lots of hot drinks, food and fleeces, places to just be and places to sit around and chat if that's what you want.

We don't judge, because we've all been in your shoes, be they stilettos, wellies or crocs!...

We're just us, we're just honest and we just do what we can to help, if we can, when we can. If you find all the banter off-putting just jump in with a cry for help.

And HAPPY NEW YEAR xxx

Here is the very first, emotional thread if you would like to see where this all started

Our most recent thread, if you want to catch up

Googled it. Now I know what it means

Morning Ruby. DS is full of cold and I don't want snotty scones!

Nothing too serious with DH I hope?

Good morning, my darling Babes!

Hope everyone slept well. If not, then at least ok?
Lately I'm up at 3.30 am every morning. Oh well, this too shall pass.

sweet, I need you to be proud of me, please! I have been admiring your AF drink options while at the same time thinking, OMG.
Anyway. Last night (Friday nights are my worst nights) I made myself a banana milk shake!
It was so good. Don't know why I hadn't made one in years!

ma. Holding you tight, sweetheart.
When I woke up this morning I thought it would be so nice to have cuddles on the weekend.
But then I remembered waking up next to my ex-WB (the fuck-face); and I felt just relieved.
Poor, but relieved.

Thanks khalisi I can't remember what its like to be with someone who wants to cuddle and hold you. We went to bed on an argument last night and today will be just another day of getting through. Roll on Monday. At lest in work I am with people who have some respect for me and appreciate me.

Ma I've been in a horrible situation where there was no affection or communication and it eventually led me to breakdown. Feel for you and sending {hugs}.

Khalisi banana milk shake sounds yum. Waking at 3.30am does not sound good though, do you go back to sleep or is that it for the day?

Sweet sounds the best plan for your ds to give baking a miss today and hope he feels better soon before you get cake withdrawal

Me shouting at dh was not the best approach but all stems from me being awake with dd from 5.30am whilst he sleeps soundly and me knowing that he's out tonight and therefore will end up with me being up early again tomorrow. I used to do it all the time but i'm convinced that tiredness is a trigger for me and instead of crying (which is what I want to when tired but can't cos I'm grown up ) I drink wine.

Thank you for the warm welcome, everyone!

babyjane my GP knows about my anxiety and depression problems, aye. I'm on fluoxetine for them. Anxiety is my main problem and a huge trigger for me. Which seems to be a fairly common trait among problem drinkers.

getsober flipping well done on that promotion. Your DH is right

I've got myself off to a spectacular start on this bus, given that I drank last night and am now nursing a horrid hangover. It's ridiculous. But I had felt it building and building, a pressure bubble in my head just begging to be popped. Jan 29 was my 30th birthday and I enjoyed it sober. So what do I go and do the very next day? Drink half a bottle of red wine, half a bottle of cava and a couple of beers, of course. Stupid me. There were loads of 'reasons' but they don't really matter. rubyredlips you're so right, if crying felt like an option I would much prefer that. It would defo scare DH though; but then so does my drinking.

DH is going away in two weeks' time, and whenever he has a trip coming up I get fidgety about alcohol. You all probably know what I mean. For most of my twenties, I would use his trips away to get thoroughly, disgustingly smashed on my own. I would look forward to it. Nowadays I fear his trips (they're generally only about three or four days. I would be hopeless as an army wife). I got through the last one sober and it was nice - lots of Lush baths and cooking and walking. But each period of being left alone still contains so much menace and worry, even when I'm actually fine. I just don't know what I'll do when I'm alone: it's either yoga and banana bread, or cigarettes and alcohol. It's so Manichean. What are normal people like when they're alone, I wonder?

Hugs ma. Your Auntie Derek sounds wonderful though.

merricat I used to love, love, love it when my DH went away. It was fabulous to be able to drink unfettered. Normal drinkers just don't get that. They don't see the appeal of getting hammered all on your own. It just wouldn't cross their minds. Now when my husband goes away I wash the bedding and then enjoy having a big, empty, clean bed to myself. Not quite as much fun as lurching down the corridor at 2am.

SoberSocFish, aren't normal drinkers just so weird though? The very idea of being alone and it not occuring to them to start drinking. Like, what's stopping them? When I'm left alone and am not drinking and am just trying to crack on with life, I'm making a conscious effort to not drink and spending a lot of mental energy thinking about the ways in which I am not drinking. Even if I don't want a drink and am enjoying sobriety, I'm still hyper aware of the situation. It's lame.

Hi Merricat look after yourself today and drink lots of water or something more tasteful. Sounds like you have been having a hard time. Happy Belated Birthday - hope you had a good time.
I have always loved it when dh goes away so I can drink loads in peace . Now I plan my time well and make sure I have non alcohol drinks and nibbles, baths, good tv etc.

I'm a binger and can easily go for a week with no booze but then down a bottle and a half quickly; usually with an empty stomach and dehydrated and tired.

I am wobbling today - finger's on 'fuck it'button

But I know I can't have one drink and I know if I do then that is it - I'll have lost all the impetus of the preceding AF days and be back to a bottle or two a day. Fox I can so relate to what you said, it's as if I wrote this myself Impetus is EXACTLY what I lose when I have my first drink after abstaining

Drank last night and will probably drink tonight as I'm going to a 50th Birthday Party

Venus your post was really good. I can really connect with your comparisons and it is such a good way to look at drinking, thank you wise woman

Baby I hope DDs gym went well. I love it - you sound so positive and so strong. You are amazing, thank you for being you x

Beaches OH YES bobble hats, ball gowns, snow boots AND thermal underwear Thank you for your kind words Babe. Please try and keep going, just think how good you'll feel if you do February too Less guilt, less anxiety 'the new and improved Beaches'. Hope you've got a good weekend planned

Welcome Cat you are in the right place, Happy 30th - I did the same on New Years Day and then there I was drinking on 2nd Just do one day at a time. You have had long AF stints, so you can clearly do it Could you invite some family or friend to stay whilst your DH is away? Busy your time spending time with family. Make dinner for friends? x

Sober congratulations on your promotion, you should be very proud. Shake yourself down, hold your head high, they gave you that promotion because you are the perfect person for the job Every time you look in the mirror at the 'new' you, smile and say I love myself. Keep doing it and gradually you will start believing it

Ruby sleep deprivation is a pigging nightmare. Can you have a snooze during the day whilst DH is around? Get some good films, yummy food and treats for yourself, get that duvet on the sofa and have a lovely 'me' time this evening. I think shouting is ok, you are only human and it is a way of expressing how you feel. I am a shouter, never proud of it (actually I'm a cryer too) but it shows that you have feelings and you are a normal tired human being! Be kind to yourself lovely x

Khalisi your milkshake sounded divine, are you planning more flavours? Adding icecream is yum. Keep going Babe you're doing really well x

Ma big squishy squeezes, enjoy your massage. I hope Derek gives you some good advice

Sweet you are amazing. Have a good day darling and I hope your son is feeling much better xxx

Wry hope you're riding this weekend? Hope you're ok honey We miss you xxx

Welcome, Cat! Sorry babes, forgot that earlier!. And happy belated! ODAAT, babes. ODAAT.

Ruby step back from that button. And tell the WW to fuck the fuck off! Look over your shoulder and tell her 'back off. Today I have no time for you!.'

Sober Congrats on your promotion, girl!

Spanna thank you for the idea! (I can be so thick! Didn't even think of other flavours). Am off to do shopping soon. WIll get strawberries and blueberries! That should take care of tonight.

Soc I LOVE, just LOVE lying in the middle of my freshly covered bed taking deep breaths!

Wry, Isinde Hope you babes are good?

Sweet 31 DAYS!!!

Just wanted to say also thank you for the love and support. This bus is fucking phenominal. I not only shovelled snow but also went for a run and when it started snowing I thought 'you're a brave babe. When the going gets tough you toughen up!' By the end the sun was shining and I just felt so proud of having you all in my life because you make me so strong!

Khalisi go you with your snow shovelling and running. Very impressive!

Think I need to stay close to this thread today it's inspirational

Could have met up with some friends this afternoon but they were going to the pub so I thought it was probably best to avoid it

Ruby well done for avoiding the pub (always a huge trigger for me) Have you got something lovely to do for yourself this afternoon? lovely hot bubbly bath, pedicure, paint your nails, dance around the house with loud music and your hair brush as your microphone Keep busy and whack ugly chops if she dares to sneak up on you

Khalisi well done on your run, how satisfying You go girl x

Hey all. The support is life changing. You rock.
Massage was great, talking and listening even better. Only cried a tiny bit! I now have a new strategy and a plan. I can do this. I can. I am to stop allowing other people's behaviour have a negative impact and stop using other people's behaviour as an excuse for not being where I need to be. For now, I will create a life within a life u til such time as I can make the big change.
So instead of rushing home after the massage, I went and had a lovely coffee on my own, by myself, because I wanted to!
Doesnt sound much, but every day from now on is going to have some moment that is about, and for me, and if WB doesnt like it I will hit the detonate button regardless.
Thank God for Auntie Derek and all the Brave Babes.

Sounds good ma

Well done, ma. Well done.
You cannot continue making someone a priorty who for whom you are an option.

Evening. Had a busy day shopping, cooking, and cleaning, which is not as tragic as it sounds - I was finally unpacking two boxes of toiletries that have been sat in our en suite since we moved in September - very satisfying.

Khalisi, not only am I proud of you, I am drooling with jealousy and astounded at your running in the snow and positivity. I'm a big fan of banana, strawberry and peach smoothies in Summer. Perhaps the potassium in the banana had something to do with your mood. I've been sticking with fruit teas because they don't use up my snacking allowance! Total love and support.

Ruby, tiredness is a huge trigger for me too. Did you manage to negotiate any extra help from DH or will you just put your toe under his backside tomorrow morning?!

Fresh bedding and loads of space Soc, what heaven. It's another example of needing to retrain our habits and rewards.

Merri, one of my biggest fears at the beginning of January was the days when I work from home - no one to see what time I actually opened the wine - or in fact that the bottle on the table was the second of the day. It was one-minute-at-a-time-tough, but I made it through, and every day is a little easier now. But I'd echo your "aren't normal drinkers weird" .

Hope you have fun at the party, Spanna - did you think about not drinking or is there no point even trying? (have to admit, there are some of my parents' parties that I can't actually begin to imagine sober !)

Ma, Auntie Derek clearly has magic in those fingers. It will sometimes be hard to hold on to the 'life within a life', but you will do it. You need to change that moniker from 'Demented' to Determined. I think I speak for the entire bus, when I say we are rooting for you, and love that you have a plan {hugs}.

to all the other Babes.

There are only about five hours of January left, my 'I'm done drinking' app tells me that I have not consumed 186 drinks, not spent £370 and not consumed 22,399 of wine calories. Now of course, I have spent money - I bought myself some more new glass mugs and a storage jar for my tea pigs, and have tried every posh cordial Sainsburys and M&S have to offer. I also ate everything in sight for most of the month, but those are some very sobering numbers.

I could not have done it without you, thanks

Have to confess I'm having wine. Sorry babes.

Just want to say good on you determined ma

Sweet £370 22000 wine calories that's incredible - well done you. You should be so proud of yourself. Have you been saving the money?

I had a lie down earlier whilst dh looked after dc but couldn't sleep - could hear them playing and they kept popping in to say hello so I will go to bed in a minute to try to be ok for 5.30 wake up.

Hope everyone ok out there?

Ruby, I find the numbers rather more . I haven't saved it, but this months credit card bill is amazingly small!

Was it the tiredness that made you pick up or were you planning to drink (sorry I cant remember), hope it doesn't upset your sleep. Sweet dreams.

Well bastard January is over. Managed 17 AF days out of 31. Not as good as it could have been, but a vast improvement. In most months there would be only 1 or 2 AF days.
Thanks to you all for you support. Couldn't do it without you

That's more that half Ma, and Feb is only 28 days so if you could do the same again you would have done 2/3 of the month. You will need that clarity to stay on top of stuff.

Sweet, well done, super girl! So very proud of you!

I had 4 out of 31 AF days in January. My longest spell yet. I'm still looking forward to trying a longer AF period.

I did however have two glasses of wine tonight. My neighbour called me to come see something and they had planned a surprise party for me!
That was the sweetest thing ever.
I had two glasses of wine between 6.30pm and midnight. Huge improvement for me. Normally I would have finished the bottle in that time. So that shows me that my efforts have brought some rewards, even if I didn't manage the whole month.

Wishing us all a peaceful, more relaxed and less anxious February.

Love you babes!

xxxx

Well done ma

In sidecar tonight- feeling quite depressed. never got around to doing that CBT diary - I will have another go tomorrow. just feel fat, lazy and anxious about everything.

And I hate the sidecar, really. I end up sleeping badly and loathing myself.

D'argh

Babes, it's after 11pm, and I'm not a night owl, but I kinda wanted to see Feb in, so I'm still here.

*Khalisi, I don't know if I'm envious or relieved I don't have your friends. They clearly love and value you (as do I) but they need re-educating about how to show it . But don't forget you did 27/31, not 4!! And such restraint .

Alias, what's up poppet? What did you drink? If you really need help avoiding that first glass tomorrow, post before you pour. One of us will be around, if you want support {hugs}