The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Starting the New Year in Fine Style

[venusandmars]

Hello, I'm Venus, and standing in for Mouse (who usually starts all our threads)

This is a safe and welcoming place for anyone who is facing up to a problem with alcohol. It may be something you’ve known for years, or it may be that struggling with dry January has made you re-think your relationship with drink.
Anyway, welcome old and new, lurkers and posters. It can be a weird thread at times – travelling on a bus called Gerald.... he takes us up and down and this wondrous land, searching high and low for Babes in need of some support, a warm place to sit and chat, and to have someone to listen to them.

So, grab a seat as we swing by your way. There's lots of hot drinks, food and fleeces, places to just be and places to sit around and chat if that's what you want.

We don't judge, because we've all been in your shoes, be they stilettos, wellies or crocs!...

We're just us, we're just honest and we just do what we can to help, if we can, when we can. If you find all the banter off-putting just jump in with a cry for help.

And HAPPY NEW YEAR xxx

Here is the very first, emotional thread if you would like to see where this all started

Our most recent thread, if you want to catch up

I am strong, I can do this.

Ma . Is he doing something particularly awful, annoying, typical, . . ?

Just the same. The same as always. The same as every day.every week.every month. He will never change so unless I do, it will still be the same for the next 30 years. I am running out of time to have a life. And it's not about the other chap. It has been like this for so so long. Teetered on the brink of leaving a few time and relented when he begged me not to. For the kids really. And the financial mess. I vowed to stick it out until D's was finished school but that will be another 4 years.I have made some plans and would survive but want to cause as little destruction as possible. I just want to be on my own. If he wanted full custody of Ds it wouldn't be an issue, as long as I could see him from time to time.
Sorry, babes, will try and stop unloading on here.
I'm ok really. I'm not in any danger, I'm not penniless, I'm not without friends. I'll be ok. I have to be ok for a bit longer

Oh ma maybe the words should pop out, we all hate to see you so unhappy.

HC May or may not be in your future but you know at least that you can love again and be loved (aka shagged) and that he was sent to you for a reason, to make you see you are worth so much more than this jaded situation your in.

Your intelligent,witty and hugely loyal (think Richard) and clearly very attractive (aka shaggable).

If it were one of us, what would you say?

Big hugs from one of many babes who luffs ya. Xxx

Hi my lovely gal pals,

On the negative had a small glass of red and a small Carribean Rum.

Coming Monday is my birthday, you see. And my friend cooked a delicious meal because we won't do anything together for a bit. So I decided to have that glass.

I'm happy that I didn't drink more because I had a real shit week; especially yesterday.

Trying to tell myself it was a celebration and not an escape.

Still.

Get Welcome, babes! Strange, this feeling of inadequacy. I gave up acting although I was really good at it judging by what people said but I kept feeling like they would find out I'm shit at it and all will come crashing down. But that still didn't stop me from drinking.

Shame. Got a lot to answer for (or to?). That little word.

baby really loved the dog poo story! I can't believed to got thrown out. Silly cow. And I think if there was a Mrs. Bean, you would give her a run for her money!

ma I remember (towards the end of my marriage), feeling like a rat caught on the wheel going around and around with the door open but unable to jump off and escape.
Just thinking about it makes my heart rush.

Still. It broke my heart when it finally ended, because I really loved (love) him.

Thank you baby. Your, and all the other babes support, means such a lot

That is such a tough place to be in,Ma. I had mentally switched off from DS's father a long time before I finally managed to get together the courage to leave. And by the time I did, I had already begun to fall in love with the man who is now DH - though I left for myself, not to be with him - which I would never have imagined possible at the time.

I have never regretted leaving, but I do sometimes regret how long I stayed.

Your situation, is of course, your own, and you are a strong enough, clever enough woman to work out what is best for you, but what Baby said is worth considering: step back for a moment and imagine the advice you would give your best friend in the same situation, not the comfortable platitudes, but the from the gut response.

Khalisi, stopping at just the two small drinks was good, you need to hold on to that. But you probably should give some thought to how you are feeling about those drinks - put it away for next time you feel like you want to drink, and ask yourself if the drink is going to be worth the feeling afterwards.

But hope you have a lovely day on Monday, - any plans?

I got myself out of this morning's funk by getting out into the garden - in the sun! I've leveled the space for my greenhouse, dug up loads of rubbish shrubs put in by the last owner, swept the patio, supervised Puss so she could explore outside, and read February's The Garden magazine.

How has everyone else's day been?

Mine has been freezing, sweet.

Goodness you shamed the laziness out of me!

You know, I don't feel ashamed about drinking last night. I feel disappointed that I didn't go the whole of January because I really did enjoy the feeling good. But not being hung over, having a wonderful time with my friend's three year old son this morning made up for it.

The problem is of course now I'm home alone. Saturday night. I came home to two surprise bills which left me thinking what the fuck have I done, buying this house.

And now I really would like a glass.

Oh, the money pit house, I appear to have bought one of those too! I'm glad you're ok with choosing to drink. That's the important thing, you chose it, it wasn't a thoughtless act .

I'm never happier than when I have my hands in soil and compost, we had a little tastes of spring here, albeit a cold taste!

oh fuck it. January was bound to be a horrible month to start not drinking. About to turn 43, living alone in a big farm house which might drive me crazy.
How the fuck did the last 25 years happen?!

I hope you babes are having a better evening. A sober one. I'm afraid I'm firmly in the side car.

Shove up khalisi
Am in the sidecar too.

So sorry both of you are having such a tough time, Ma, Khalisi. You've both done so well, Jan is a rubbish month, but tomorrow is another day. Can you put yourselves to bed and start again tomorrow?

Hi everyone. for ma and khalisi, I'm really sorry things are so rough for you. Go easy on yourselves.

The inadequacy thing - yes, I've given that so much thought. And it does make a lot of sense. But it's never felt quite like the whole picture for me. Today, I was reading something I found via Facebook (yes, I know) that suddenly rang the cherries.

It was about addiction being all about relationships. Addiction happens when the most powerful and valuable relationship in your life is with the thing you're addicted to. I have no idea how well founded this idea is, but I don't care, it made sense

I began drinking seriously at 18, at a time of great upheaval in my life. I was coming out of the teenage fug, I was finally free of my horrible boarding school, I had my first job, my first money of my own and lovely, new, grown up work friends. I started working out some of the things that had gone really wrong in my childhood. This left me feeling quite disconnected from my (lovely, well meaning, just understandably imperfect) family. I was ready for a new significant relationship in my life and suddenly - Whoah, hello WINE.

I've tried several times over the years to break free of it but I've never looked at it in quite this way before. It makes so much sense. And for the first time in my life, I feel that I actually have the tools to tackle this thing.

So. Feeling good, tonight. Seeing counsellor on Monday. Things still very distant with DH, we're only really talking re the children or "Do you want dinner?" etc and he's taken himself off to bed early tonight. It will take time to prove that this is going to be when I finally succeed in killing off my relationship with alcohol and letting the other marvellous relationships in my life fill that space right up. But I am determined to do it.

Love, peace and optimism to all.

Morning All.

Khalisi, I hope you slept well, 43 is no age at all. The last 25 years are part of your life, and for good or ill, they are what gives you strength and wisdom. Remember you have done an amazing thing to have had so many AF days in Jan. But alcohol is a depressant, and it will take you to those places. Get out for a run, do something for you this morning .

Ma, you know what it says at the top of so many of the threads: 'Alcohol fosters inertia' - it's helping you to stay where you are, it's not helping you to move forward. We all know how hard it is, but we (the Babes) want the whole of your life to be as fabulous as bits of it are; as fabulous as you deserve. .

Sober, you sound bright and positive in your last post. Counseling, always helped me - though I know I need a 'top-up', I'm a bit scared of facing such raw emotions at the moment, I'm so up and down anyway. You are being really brave. I suspect that it will be hard, as you know you are working on change, that your DH will come along more slowly - he loves you, but he's not in your head, and probably has hurt of his own to deal with. Might he need some support - from counseling or an organisation like AlAnon?

I'm feeling ok this morning, I have lost the 1lb I promised myself this week, I got to the end of Wolf Hall ep 1 last night and I'm beginning to get into it, but reserving judgement at the moment. I am on day 25, almost double my best run in the last 10 years. I think I am off to B&Q this morning for some fence paint - I hate the bright orange all new fencing comes in - it's going black/brown.

Good mornin, Babes.

Thank you, sweet.
It has snowed here. Might not be the most comfortable but am going to take your advice and go for a run in a bit.
In a way I feel like I sabbotaged my AF run because I didn't believe I could do it anyway, you know? You're so right, of course. If one is already down, alcohol just pushes one's face deeper into the gutter.

ma, how're you this morning, darling?

Hi sober, sweetheart! Didn't mean to forget you, there.

You sound like you're in a good place, my love.
It is so easy to start drinking young because at 18 (or 20); no one raises an eye brow when one gets pissed often.
ODAAT.

Morning all. I went out with friends last night and drank alcohol - I wasn't cringe pissed. So that's 1 day out of 44 when I have consumed alcohol.

Today I will not be drinking.

Can't nc at the moment as dd wants me to play with her so will be back later.

Still in bed. Still thinking.

Hi bussers.
First joined the bus in 2012 and found the help invaluable in helping to change my binge drinking habits.
I've decided to start on a journey of a year of abstinence and blogging about it to keep me motivated and been thinking about you lovely lot.
Waves to all bussers

Hey, good stuff Sweet! Agree, I can't stand David Dickenson fences either

Still feeling OK today. DH has just called me into the kitchen though, to ask me to keep the DC out while he has a bit of a cry. He says he's sorry for being miserable but he just has to be for a bit. He loves me and trusts me to "get this sorted", but he can't not be miserable for a bit until there's proof, in the form of continued definite sobriety, that I can do that.

Ho hum. Deep breaths. Put all this in the "pros of never drinking ever again" file - not to do any more of this terrible stuff to the good man who loves me.

Oh sorry Khalis, I did refresh the thread before posting just now but the last few posts didn't pop up for some reason. And waves and hugs to everyone else too.

I feel as if I AM indeed in a good place. I almost feel scared that it feels too good IYSWIM? Because I know every day isn't going to feel like this, and it is overwhelmingly likely that there will be times when I feel miserable in a way only wine can solve. Can any of you help me with that? What sorts of strategies do you have in your back pockets for such moments?

Ps - it feels important to say this - if I don't directly address all of you, particularly if it's after a night in the sidecar (I think I've worked out what that means?), it's not because I don't care, it's just I'm afraid of saying something stupid and unhelpful. I'll be more confident about contributing when I've been here a bit longer. In the meantime, please bear with me!

I'm sure you'd already figured all that out for yourselves, but as I said - I just wanted to say it explicitly.