The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Starting the New Year in Fine Style

[venusandmars]

Hello, I'm Venus, and standing in for Mouse (who usually starts all our threads)

This is a safe and welcoming place for anyone who is facing up to a problem with alcohol. It may be something you’ve known for years, or it may be that struggling with dry January has made you re-think your relationship with drink.
Anyway, welcome old and new, lurkers and posters. It can be a weird thread at times – travelling on a bus called Gerald.... he takes us up and down and this wondrous land, searching high and low for Babes in need of some support, a warm place to sit and chat, and to have someone to listen to them.

So, grab a seat as we swing by your way. There's lots of hot drinks, food and fleeces, places to just be and places to sit around and chat if that's what you want.

We don't judge, because we've all been in your shoes, be they stilettos, wellies or crocs!...

We're just us, we're just honest and we just do what we can to help, if we can, when we can. If you find all the banter off-putting just jump in with a cry for help.

And HAPPY NEW YEAR xxx

Here is the very first, emotional thread if you would like to see where this all started

Our most recent thread, if you want to catch up

X-posted, Khalisi - Day 20 - Go Us!!

Day 20 :)

Go Annie, woohoo!

Well done Annie, sweet and anyone else on day 20 - that's fantastic. I am having a bit of a struggle at the moment and have to go away for the next few days - with no internet access

I will be back though - hopefully in a better frame of mind.

Soupey I hope you're ok - I have to admit to really enjoying enforced internet blackouts! We'll be here when you get back .

I'm sitting out my personal witching hour, under a snuggly blanket with Puss for company. Not feeling like I want anything to drink, but just thinking about it alot .

wry you're sounding more like yourself

ma you do seem to be living an interesting life!

Ate the last of the cinnamon buns , but found a recipe in the Guardian for gooey orange, ginger and chunky chocolate cookies; have presented DS with said recipe and explained it IS what he will be doing this weekend!

Feeling good, and awake, but not really in the mood to actually do anything.

Hi All.

Those cookies sound yum Sweet don't forget some extra for the squirrels on the bus.

Had a horrible reminder of what an idiot I am when drunk.
I went to my previous team's xmas do just before xmas and got v drunk. No memory of leaving. Cringe cringe. I have visions of me staggering about cross eyed thinking I'm so funny and fun blah blah.
Anyway I haven't seen anyone from the do since until today and what did I do? Pretended I was too engrossed in my work to see him.

I AM AN IDIOT

Evening all, day 20 here too.

Sweet can we all swing the bus round your house this weekend? Those cookies are sounding am-az-ing. Not fair thinking about them, though - my sweet tooth (ok, teeth) are singing loudly and excitedly to themselves at the prospect and they need to be shut up. I've let myself totally off the hook to eat anything and everything (and boy have I enjoyed that latitude) for the last 20 days but it needs to stop before I explode - not much point being sober but entirely immobilised by rolling pillows of cake-weight. So, that is Project February.

One thing I have noticed, tho, is how much more I am enjoying the process of cooking these days. Not even the end result as such, but the process of thinking about what to cook, pondering recipes, ideas etc. I guess I just have more time and energy to enjoy that stuff rather than seeing it as an irritating enforced diversion from the main event (or an excuse to consume a few sneaky additional glasses of wine, whilst virtuously prepping to feed the family).

Feeling fine today. Not stellar, not dreadful, not antsy, just fine. I wonder if this is how a longer term AF life may be - once the initial highs and lows pan out a bit. I can see it has a lot of potential but it will be a challenge to fill in all this newfound time (especially if i can't spend it with my head stuffed in a bagel box).

Also, and I can see this is of minority interest, I find I can no longer listen to the Archers. The story lines are just impossibly ludicrous without a drink in me to blur the idiocy.

Ma - hope your 'meeting' is going well, stockings and all.

Hope everyone is doing ok?

PS Ruby you are NOT an idiot. Or if you are, we all are. And I am fairly confident today that I am not. Ergo you are not, either.

Small DS would bake every night if I let him, but what you so beautifully describe a 'cake-weight' would get even more out of hand! And funny you say that about the Archers - I looked at my podcasts yesterday and realised I hadn't listened to any of last weeks episodes!

Discretion definitely the better part of valour, Ruby!

Where's Ma tonight? Got other things on her mind?

Good evening, my lovelies!

Good to hear everyon is ok-ish.

I learned something today. Someone went back on an agreement we had and instead of just saying they changed their mind, they made it look like it was my fault.
I cried (jeezus, I sure am doing that a lot lately!). And spent the afternoon thinking about the glasses of wine I will have tonight.
On the way home I thought, fuck that bitch. If she's such a fucking coward that is her problem. But I am not breaking my AF efforts for anything other than a feel good glass. Anything else, at least for today, is not good enough.
In bed, reading to let go of day 20.

Fox, I hear you on the eating. In my head I'm eating less already but realistically, I have replaced my liquid calories with solid ones!

sweet, would love some of dem cookies!

Hi everyone! Hope you're ok.

Look at the time! Good night, babes! have to be up at 5.
xxx

Hi my lovelies,

khalisi I'm so so proud of you for not letting the actions of others sabotage your resolve, it shows a lot of strength and seeing and reacting to triggers, that's all any us can hope to achieve, I love that you state that person and situation were just not worth it, you took back the power from a potentially explosive situation, nice job babe.

I also thought your post to fox said "I hear you eating" which I found both impressive and bizarre, DUH

My dd2 asked me today if I had a baby in my tummy, this is not a good sign. It seems very unfair that despite my crohn's being very active and causing me constant runs and Is hugely painful and despite not enjoying food and feeling sick much of the time and losing more blood than is healthy I'm still overweight due to the steroids I must take, it's as bloody ironic as the Alana Morrisett song.

The steroids make my face swell and my nose and lips get bigger and my eyes appear smaller. It's kinda weird when your face doesn't look like your own, wouldn't mind if it was for the better but on the bright side, it's free colonic irrigation and lip implants as they've doubled in size.

Still smiling, still sober and still love you guys to bits.

Thaaaaaaats all folks xxxx

Checking in. Dinner over. He didn't attend. His p.a phoned to cancel. . On the plus side am AF. 16 days this month in total but feeling pretty shit anyway.

ma I bet he is equally gutted. One day, one day, when the time is right.... And in the meantime day by day you are showing yourself that you can make some of the most difficult changes of all. You rock.

Good morning, bestest of the best Babes!

Isinde t'interbosies, babes.
You do need time to and for yourself to process things. I didn't find and or make the time to mourn my dad for four years after he died. I'm 10 000kms away from home so I couldn't spend time with him before.
I tell you, when that train finally hits you it floors you. And you have had so much responsibility anyway that you really need to take that time for yourself before you are forced to, my love.
That was one of the reasons I hit the bottle. I STILL couldn't make the time when the shit hit the fan.
Big, big hug.

baby I love you. Thank you for your words. That is one of the best things about this bus, the wisdom and point of view which makes things clearer.
I was developing a new friendship with this person and so I should be relieved things stopped now. She has problems taking decisions so our idea would probably have ended in disaster anyway! Thank you, babes.

Have a good one, my darlings!
xxx

Morning All.

You made a good choice there, Khalisi. You have the bestest of mornings. I will ensure DS bakes enough for the whole bus.

Oh, Isinde I don't have any sage advice, but you need some support. As *Khalisi said, if you don't have time and space to grieve now, the pain won't go away, it will just come back harder. Have you sat DP down and told her, really told her what you need and how she will have to tell her?

Baby your face may not be your own at the moment but I'm sure your smile still is! You deal with such a lot, you're brill and don't you forget it.

Thanks for the up-date Ma - his loss

I had really good sleep but can't seem to surface properly this morning, and think I may have the beginning of a cold, oh well. Half way through the working week, day 21 - that means three weeks, count them Three Whole Weeks.

T'interbosies, hot water bottles and snuggle blankets for Babes who are struggling, have a good day.

Morning All. Thanks for your kind words Small and Sweet

Isinde it is probably worth taking a bit more time out from work for you to grieve. If you keep fighting through you may find that you need to take a lot more time in the future to deal with the mental and physical responses that you should have dealt with now IYSWIM. I know it's easier said than done but be kind to yourself.

Good one Khalisi for your response to woman and not hitting the bottle.

Babe sorry to hear about the steroids and the effect they are having. How long do you have to take them for?

Small I still listen to the Archers ridiculous as it is

Ah Sweet you'll have to join us squirrels at the back of the bus and sleep, waking up occasionally to eat cakes

I may well take you up on that offer Ruby.

Feeling twitchy and out of sorts today, for no real reason.

It is three weeks - feels like longer, but not necessarily in a bad way, more 'this is getting to be the new normal'. I am struggling retraining myself into good work habits though - like actually getting on with it, instead of pretending it isn't there by getting to the bottom of a wine bottle. I would be ok if I could just start from here, it's the December/early Jan backlog I am struggling with.

So I need to crack on with the next, New-Sweet project, to give me some all-round energy and good feeling about myself. I am currently about a stone over-weight, and now that I'm not a complete sugar monster replacing all of those wine calories, I can begin to contemplate doing something about it. So I am declaring to you, Babes that I am 9st 11lbs, and would like to be 8st 11lbs (but should probably be more like 8, 5 for my height). Can't do diet plans - have yet to find one that suits my vegetarian restrictions without making it too time consuming to cater for the carnivores in my life; so,I am cutting out the snacking and carefully controlling portions. I don't want to drop more than 1lb a week - realistically, work will be a bloody nightmare until April, but even that will get me almost to my goal by the time I need to break out the Summer wardrobe.

at 9 stone 11!!!
Sheesh, if I could get down to 10 stone 11 I would be happy, but I suppose its all relative...
indie dp has not been pulling her weight for quite some time. You have posted about this before, and just now, when you need time, you need her to step up to the mark. Get those big girls pants on and have that conversation. I can give this advice freely as I am not using it.
I feel ridiculously sad today. someone hand me a grip.