Could I possibly keep it?

[1stTimeForEverything]

Married for 15 years, 2 children. Pregnant with another man's baby. No future plans with him for the time being.
Anybody been in a similar situation?

20fifteen
You poor thing.
You do know this is not your guilt to carry, don't you?
I am so sorry for your loss - loss of your dad and loss of the man you thought he was

Thanks Pacific

I would have a good think about whether you want to have another child first.

Your marriage may end anyway
Your husband might leave you on the basis of your infidelity.
The baby could be your DH's.
How of you feel? If you've ever considered a 3rd seriously, if be tempted to have it.

Re eye colour my DH and I have green eyes. We have 1 blue eyed child (15% of our children should be blue eyed) and 1 brown eyed (0% should be this).

I know someone who couldn't be sure of the paternity of her child but went ahead & had him anyway.

She was scared to death when, aged 2 her son took ill & needed an operation. She was scared that the hospital would need to blood group them all or that her son would need an organ!

He's 16 now & her & hubby split 5 years ago, funnily enough as she was cheating. Loads of people know about this, yet not the poor ex hubby.

Are you 15?
Why didn't you take the morning after pill after a split condom?

This.

You either tell your husband or have a termination.

I used condoms with my DP for 8 years and never had a split. It must be incredibly rare. Why didn't you take the morning after pill OP?

I hate the op's apparently casual attitude to infidelity, subsequent pregnancy, unsafe sex, future infidelity.

Makes my skin crawl.

The problem is that no matter how many people on MN relationship boards talk about 'skin crawling', 'fucking self respect', 'sti checks' and needing to be honest, a whole load of people are unfaithful and, as a species, we will continue to be.

Many, many women have passed other men's children on as their DH's. This is a fact. Recently, in a murder investigation in Bergamo, everyone had to be DNA tested and they found 5 such children in two tiny villages. The suspected murderer is another.

If she still wants to stay with your husband, i'd stay schtum and have a termination. OP, you know it was wrong, but I don't think your DH needs to know, nor the lover. Don't let all your family be punished for your very large mistake. You could get found out, and the consequences would be huge, but if you truly bear the guilt alone, chances are you won't be. I wouldn't underestimate how hard that will be.

I have never slept with anyone other than my husband, since we married, btw.

I would put money on 'if you tell the OM he would beg you to terminate' option. The likelyhood of him wanting a child with a woman he sees as a fling and has ended the affair with, whilst he is in the midst if a painful divorce, is I imagine zero.

However if you can financially support the child as a single parent then you should consider this option. It will allow your DH to find a new relationship with someone who loves him enough to be faithful to him and in time it might result in you getting together with OM as you obviously have strong feelings for him.

I agree that the very worst scenario is presenting the child as your husbands. You will never relieve yourself of the guilt of that particular lie. It will stalk you forever.

Either way you have to tell your husband.

So one minute things are good with your dh the next if the OM wants to make a go of it because of a baby that might not even be his you would run off with him?

Bullshit!! And If it isn't I feel sorry for your husband

I think many woman with an unwanted pregnancy might allow themselves a "what if I had the baby" moment and a tiny hope that it could all work out in the end, no matter how unrealistic. You shouldn't be judged for that.

Personally if I wanted to stay married and re-committed to my DH I would have a termination and never tell him. Thing is I am not sure you do want that. I think you're marking time until the OM becomes available, emotionally or otherwise. However these feelings can be temporary and it may be that if you could cut of contact completely with OM you could come to a place where you're glad you remained with your DH and kept your family intact.

I hope you make the right choice for all concerned, you've a huge responsibility to do that now. You've made your mistakes but it is you who is dealing with the consequences.

Lying to your husband and child about the correct parentage is beyond awful, why did the thought even cross your mind?

Of course your husband is likely to leave, he deserves better than a cheating wife. If that leaves you alone, then it down to your own making. Nobody forced you to do this.

Your poor husband and children.

I am sorry you are going through this, I hope you've got a good RL friend you can confide in. There's no easy way out of this because whatever you do will leave a mess, just take a little time to work out exactly how you feel about the pregnancy. Personally, I'd keep the baby & take all the flak.

OP, someone very close to me got HIV from sleeping with a man 'who was very faithful to his late wife and did not have sex with anyone for a year until he slept with her'.

I have no advice as the mere thought of being caught in such a schlamassel makes my heart race.

Good luck.

Schlamassel. Perfect word.

This is very sad. A baby has been conceived in this mess you have created OP.

Women passing babies off as their spouses/partners is pretty common, I would imagine. I personally know of 4 situations where this had happened spanning decades, 1 being in my immediate family where the child (now a young adult) doesn't know but everyone else does pretty much, including the person who raised him as his own but had suspicions the whole time.

Morally, yes, you should tell your DH. But you won't, this is obvious from your posts. It seems to me that your current relationship is doomed to failure either over this or at some point further down the line and your children will suffer because of the bad choices you have made and your selfishness.

Based on what you've said you will have a termination and keep schtum about your infidelity, the guilt you will feel over this and carry with you from now on will be your cross to bear.

All this sort of shit would not happen if people were less obsessed with monogamy (which is, after all, a concept invented by men in order to own and control women) and the paternity of children was less of a big deal.
Unfortunately, we do mostly live in a world where people get ridiculously hung up about such things so even if the OP and her H were able to shrug and toss a coin and bring up the latest kid within the family, other people will stick their beaks in and interfere (and yes, obviously, there may at some point be a health issue which would prove which man is actually the dad).
Good luck, OP. I hope you are able to make a decision that sits right with you;.

SGB I usually agree with your posts, and in general I'm not really sold on monogamy being an ideal state.

But... In this case I think it's fairer to say this shit wouldn't have happened if the OP hadn't had unprotected sex (I'm with the poster who at split condom) or had bothered to use the MAP.

I'm blaming her stupidity for this one, not the patriarchy!

I detect very little sympathy for the little human that will be 'terminated', in order to cover up the mother's infidelity. Shameful .

Hard to sympathise with a foetus. Terminations aren't "shameful".

I know someone who did this. A few years later her and her partner split up but she accepted maintenance for 13 years off him for a child she knew wasn't his!!

She long sInce ceased to be a friend of mine.

As far as I can see, you can:

1. Keep the baby, potentially ending your marriage and affecting your older children.

2. Abort and keep quiet, thus potentially saving your marriage should you decide to work at it and remain faithful/address the problems that caused the infidelity.

3. Continue the pregnancy and allow the baby to be adopted: a difficult scenario but has it's benefits, especially if you are not okay with abortion for whatever reason.

The fact of the potential termination isn't shameful, but the idea that the OP should terminate for convenience and to save her embarrassment/difficulty is the shameful aspect to this. She's cheated on her husband, but it won't be her paying the price.