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Original poster

Could I possibly keep it?

99 replies

1stTimeForEverything · 09/01/2015 09:22

Married for 15 years, 2 children. Pregnant with another man's baby. No future plans with him for the time being.
Anybody been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
1stTimeForEverything · 09/01/2015 10:29

*newyear15 - Do you think you got pregnant in the hope he would make the move to settle down with you and give you an easy out of your marriage?"

No, it was an accident. And replying to someone's earlier post, I was not and would not be trying to "get a man through pregnancy". Just if it mattered to him I might reconsider.

OP posts:
newyear15 · 09/01/2015 10:31

but now you are hoping he will stay with you because you are pregnant - surely that is the same thing?

Original poster
1stTimeForEverything · 09/01/2015 10:32

And I am perfectly capable of setting up on my own, I have a good income. So any relationship would not be for financial reasons.

OP posts:
winkywinkola · 09/01/2015 10:32

Why did you have an affair? You say your marriage is good.

So much pain.

And now it's all even more complicated.

Original poster
1stTimeForEverything · 09/01/2015 10:35

newyear15 - but now you are hoping he will stay with you because you are pregnant - surely that is the same thing?

We never had a proper relationship so never broke up as such, it's not about him "staying with me". It only started a month ago so early days too. As I am married and he is getting divorced we have kept it casual and platonic except for that time. That's why I wrote in the OP that there are no future plans with him.

I don't know if PG has to change anything.

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 09/01/2015 10:40

"Early days"? Pregnancy doesn't need to change anything?

Really?

camaleon · 09/01/2015 10:44

To be honest, if you don't understand why you need an STI test urgently, you are not mature enough to have sex with anybody. Totally amazed you have managed to keep a husband, a house, a job, brought up two kids, have an affair and got pregnant without understanding such a basic thing.

trulybadlydeeply · 09/01/2015 11:00

Where were you in your cycle when the condom split? Were you roughly mid cycle / in your fertile period? (bearing in mind sperm can survive for several days). I do wonder why you didn't take the MAP straightaway?

Were you also having sex with your DH during this cycle? How many days late are you? I do wonder whether this is your DHs baby.

nauticant · 09/01/2015 11:19

Have you really given proper thought to whether your DH could be the father OP? I get the feeling you might be in denial of this to simplify an already very complicated situation.

Original poster
1stTimeForEverything · 09/01/2015 11:28

I cannot be 100% sure as I was having sex with DH all this time. Just judging from experience.

Thank you all for your feedback.

I am going ahead with the booked termination. The thing with OM had already ended so nothing to do in that respect. I want and hope to work things out with DH as that was a one-off thing between the confused me and the OM going through a painful divorce.

OP posts:
CuttedUpPear · 09/01/2015 11:30

As to the question of whether women pass off children as their husband's, the answer to this is yes.

I remember reading a study which had been done around the time of the mapping of the human genome.
Apparently there is a higher incidence of children unrelated to the father than was previously thought. These children had been brought up as full siblings with no knowledge of their true parentage.

I don't have figures, but I found it quite interesting.

And I'm not judging you either way.

PacificDogwood · 09/01/2015 11:35

There is no way of knowing who fathered this pregnancy - the withdrawal 'method' is NOT a contraceptive, so timing wise either man could be the father.
And the digital pregnancy tests are a bit of a con and will not be able to give you an accurate date (semi-quantitative). They really are a bit of a con.

I think you need to decide whether or not you want to continue with this pregnancy - no matter who the father might be.
You then need to decide what to do about your marriage - depending on that you need to speak to your DH. I'd keep OM out of it tbh - you don't sound madly in love with him, so don't complicate things further.

kaykayred · 09/01/2015 12:13

Personally I think a termination is the right way forwards judging by what you have written so far.

That said, I hope you plan to be honest with your husband about what you have done. Otherwise any progress you make here on out will be based on lies. That's just a farce, and your husband deserves to make an informed decision about whether he wants to stay in this marriage after what you have done.

If you don't like the thought of that, then that's tough really. You willingly went ahead with the affair, and have to face up to what that entails.

Original poster
1stTimeForEverything · 09/01/2015 12:42

I am not having an affair, it was over before it started.

I am ending the PG and will pray that DH and I can stay together.

OP posts:
newyear15 · 09/01/2015 13:03

you were unfaithful so that was an affair? Are you going to tell your husband?

hellsbellsmelons · 09/01/2015 13:16

I personally think you are making the right decision there.
If you want it to work with your husband then this is the best option.

Is this the first time you have been unfaithful?
I think you need to look at why you would risk your life, your marriage, your family for a shag and work on that.

nozzz · 09/01/2015 13:21

Has your husband been informed?

HanselandGretle · 09/01/2015 13:30

Your opening post states no future plans with OM 'for the time being', sounds like you do want to keep your options open. Now you 'pray' you can stay with your DH. Maybe posting on here has somehow directed your thoughts?
Sad for the unborn child.

Cabrinha · 09/01/2015 13:42

Of course you bloody well had an affair! You had sex more than once with a man you had an emotional connection with and fantasised about him wanting to have a bang with you!!!

FFS woman, if you really "pray" you can work it out with your husband, you have no chance until you were honest with yourself.

Shit happens. Even though I know it's wrong, in your position I'd also not tell my husband I'd cheated and been pregnant. But you need to be very honest with yourself what you did, or you won't correct what led to you decide to do it in the first place.

I have a (very small) amount of sympathy for those who cheat. I have zero sympathy for those who down own up to themselves about what they've done.

Cabrinha · 09/01/2015 13:43

*baby with you, though my mistype/autocorrect of "bang" works too Grin

SolidGoldBrass · 09/01/2015 19:53

It's unfortunate that you got pregnant during your fling but these things do happen. If you have decided to terminate and to stay with your H then keeping quiet is probably the best thing to do. If you change your mind and decide to continue the pregnancy, you will have to tell H. It is almost impossible to keep a child's paternity secret forever, and it's always disastrous when the truth comes out years down the line, for all concerned.

CalleighDoodle · 09/01/2015 20:14

Personally, id be inclined to have the sit down chat with the dh and say what a terrible one-time mistake i made and now im pg and dont know who the father is and how does he feel?

However, you dont sound like youre that bothered about your husband

ISpeakJive · 09/01/2015 20:24

There was no condom split, was there, OP?

You had unprotected sex with this man and you are just too ashamed to admit it.

Yes, split condoms do happen but are quite rare. So in this case, you had sex with him this one time (out of the two times) and you managed to split the condom and it was around your most fertile time!!

Also, if you were that afraid of pregnancy, you would've taken the MAP!

I've lost count of how many friends and other people I know who have ended up pregnant and used the 'but the condom split'!!

None of the choices you have are right ones! You threw out that right the moment you slept with another man and cheated on your whole family.

20fifteen · 09/01/2015 20:45

Okay so here goes

The OW (married) who had an affair with my DF continued with her pg and passed her twin boys as her husbands

He still doesn't know

Some 48 years later

But OW felt it ok to dump her guilt on me and my siblings after my DF had passed away but doesn't want her boys to know the truth

But

It's ok to screw up me and my sibs by letting g her conscious go on us, while we were grieving

20fifteen · 09/01/2015 20:46

Bitter?
Me?
I should coco I am!