I've just ended my marriage

[Northumberlandlass]

We've been together 18 years, married for 12 with 11 yr old DS

It should of ended years ago, but i stayed for our son. No one in my family has ever got divorced.

He is in tears, said I have ripped our family apart.

I am in bits, I know it is the right thing to do, but I feel like the most horrible person ever. He wants to tell DS as soon a possible, but i want to wait until we have an idea of what will happen next.

I am writing this down to document my journey.

I feel so very sorry I have caused H so much pain. I am really feeling it tonight.
I don't regret my decision at all & i know it's the right thing to do for me & DS.

Think i would benefit talking to someone

You have the right to end a relationship for whatever reason North, so stop with the guilt already You owe kindness and consideration to others, but that is no reason to martyr yourself in a bad marriage or sacrifice your life to someone else's happiness.

Besides which, if one of you is unhappy it can never be a good relationship and that ends up being very bad for any children growing up with the unhappy couple.

So you ARE doing the right thing. It's hard. But time will work its magic and everyone will adjust. At the moment they are scared and hurt. Be as kind as you can but hold firm. It will get better.

What a brave decision to have made, and the one thing that comes across so clearly in this thread is your concern and love for everyone else in your life. I know it sounds trite but please try and care for yourself as well.

As bunchoffives said time will help, everything is new and raw and maybe unexpected for them.

A friend was in a similar situation to you (before I knew her) aand looking back she always said better to have endured the heartache of the split and the the opportunity to live the life she wanted as opposed to making do. It's particulary poignant because she died of cancer in her early fifties having made a wonderful new life for herself while maintaining a great relationship with her son.

I have just woken to read your posts. Thank you
I appreciate you taking time to read the whole lot!
I have woken feeling better, I am having to force myself not to think abt how H is feeling.

Feel a bit for DS as he won't see H until Mon, but he's speaking to him a few times a day

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better.

I don't actually know where to start, I'm looking for advise please. I am thinking of leaving my husband, I have 4 children aged 17, 14, 7 and 3. (Only the younger 2 are his). We have been together for 8 yrs and married in 2013. We bought a new house last March which is in both our names, I don't work and have no savings for myself. My husband and I are constantly arguing and I feel so sorry for my children having to live in the middle of it all.
If I leave how do I house, feed and manage my children, I haven't got the luxury of moving in with friends or family with there being so many of us.
I have tried to search numerous ways to collect advise but I'm getting nowhere

Oh Carol, sounds like an awful situation

Have you spoken to him at all? I would suggest he leaves. Is that possible?

I work FT so while I do rely on his 'share' for household bills, i do have financial independence.

Have you started a thread? There is some amazing advice here on MN. With far more experience than me. I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water

Carol2112 - Poor you. Does your husband have savings? He will have to support you if you are a SAHM. It may be better if he left, given you are a SAHM and there are four children who need to be uprooted. I would start your own thread. You will get lots of good advice if you do that.

You don't need to put up with him unless you want to.

Well..
Good friend came round last night, we drank wine, talked & laughed! first time in a few days.

Going to call mortgage people tomorrow lunchtime (I'm back to work) & will talk to them. We only have 9 years left on it. I am not financially minded so need to get my head around it all.

I reckon their is probably about 120k equity in house, at least. While I would like to stay here, I cannot afford to buy H out. So, think selling the house & splitting equity would be a clean break.

DS was chatting last night & asked he could come with me to look at new places when I start looking.

H is going to come here tomorrow & will be here after school for DS & cook his tea. He'll do the same on Tues.
H is off next weekend & I've said he can stay here with DS & I'll crash at a friends. Best possible thing for DS