Single parent and new boyfriend has issues with my exes family!

[Kate222yellow]

I'm a single parent who has been dating my boyfriend for over a year. We don't live together and we both agreed to take things very slowly and it's only been more recently that he has been spending time with my daughter and interactions have been positive on both sides! my ex who is my daughters father is involved regulary in my daughters life and we are civil , I get on very well with my exes family and I welcome any interest and support I get from them. I also get invited to the odd social gathering at special times of the year , Easter , Christmas! My issue is that I went along to one recently over Christmas and told my boyfriend about it and he got really annoyed and upset. My boyfriend asked me why I would want to spend time with my exes family especially since my ex treated me so badly which he did, I explained to my boyfriend that my ex was not present and that they know all about the way my ex treated me but they are not like him and have been nothing but supportive to me and my daughter! We ended up arguing and I told him that these social gathering were only now and again and in future maybe I could introduce him and he could come along sometime if it would make him feel better but if he could not accept the overall situation that maybe this is not the relationship for him , he then said he was not ok with it and could not just go along with it and ideally he does not want me socialising with my exes family in future !!! Am I in the wrong here? Or should I comply and be more sensitive to my boyfriends feelings on the matter? my boyfriend overall is a good guy but it feels like he is giving me an ultimatum! advice would be really appreciated thanks!

Am I being fair to him? Should I expect him to just accept things

You are being fair and yes he should just accept it. It may be that he doesn't have the maturity to be in a relationship with someone with a child who has been married before. It may be that he is insecure and controlling generally and this is the first clear sign.

The fact that he is still saying you cannot socialise with your ex's family indicate that this is not about not telling him in advance, but that he can't cope with it full stop. It's highly likely that he would have taken the same stance even if you had flagged this from the start.

He sounds very insecure and immature to me. He needs to get over himself.

It's highly likely that he would have taken the same stance even if you had flagged this from the start.

It is. But at least you would have both known from the start and it might have been a more cut and dry decision for both of you.

Twinkle stein: yes I think you have a point , I think deeper issues may be at bay , he hasn't gave me any valid reasons for his objection! And though he has said he accepted my situation from the start when we first started dating, maybe in reality, now that weve been together a year , being introduced to my daughter and ex both more recently and the thought of spending time with my exes family may be to much for him. This is not something I had considered before but maybe hes being unreasonable to get out of the relationship! I would be deverstated if this was the case , we have took things at a slow pace and at anytime before now he could of mentioned he was uncomfortable or got out of the relationship! But its his right to do what is best for him like it is mine for me and my daughter! I've decided I cannot back down on this and I would like him to try and accept the situation and if he carnt we cannot be together!

If people always had the sense to dump new partners at the first sign of whining, clinging or neediness the world would be a much better place.
There are plenty of sensible people, who understand that others are not property, you could date instead.

X-post. Well done, OP. Your relationship with family (and the other relatives of your child, and your XP, however ghastly, are family) is more important than a new boyfriend. Good luck.

Sensibly:

Early in your relationship he was a boyfriend. So why would you have had to tell him all the ins and outs of your life? He had no need or right to know. Do you know where he was every minute of every day for the first, oh say 4 months of your relationship? Would he agree to sitting down and telling you the name and address of all females he passed any time with?

No? Of course not. It is none of your business.

Now, later in your relationship you want him to be more integrated into your life, so you want him to meet the important people, including your DD and her GPs. But no! He won't have it! It makes him feel what? Insecure? Angry? Ignored? None of which are attractive in a partner.

So now you get to evaluate his potential for making the move from boyfriend to partner. So far he isn't doing well, is he? But at least you have enough information to know he probably won't be a life partner for you. Tell him goodbye, let him find someone with a less complicated family life.

And then you can get on with finding someone who likes you for who you are, without having to curtail you and reshape you!

Good luck with that conversation.

Yes, because what it comes down to is this: do you actually want a boyfriend/partner who lays down the law for you?

You have done nothing wrong whatsoever, (I don't even know why you are questioning this) and he sounds insecure and immature, neither of which are very attractive qualities.