meeting the OW tomorrow

[avocadogreen]

ExH is picking the DC up for new year tomorrow. For the first time, OW will be with him. Yikes.

We split in March when I found out about OW. They have since moved in together, and moved about 3 hours drive away. For access visits exH always picks the kids up alone and takes them to his parents' house, she never goes. She has only met the DC once, exH has told me before she doesn't want children and doesn't want anything to do with ours. But this time they are all going to his parents' for new year together, she has only met them once before.

How should I act?! Polite? Indifferent? Ignore her? I don't want to make things difficult for the DC but at the same time, while exH and I are managing to be amicable these days, the thought of her just makes me irrationally angry. Perhaps she'll just stay in the car and I won't even have to see her?! I have never met her or spoken to her before.

I bet she stays in the car, you won't even meet her.

Make sure you look fabulous, not for him or her but for you to give you confidence and smile too!

I'm feeling a little mean tonight so I would suggest a new years kiss to your ex? However, this is not my usual nature

Maintain your dignity, she will be more nervous than you, I guarantee that.

I'd be tempted to look her straight in the eye and say: "ExDH tells me that you don't like children and don't want any of your own. However, since you will have to spend time with mine, I would appreciate it if you could treat them with the kindness they deserve. They are fantastic children."

She will be furious that your ex has discussed her with you and you have also laid out a marker for the way you expect her to behave. I agree that she will probably cower in the car unless she has a real brass neck.

Oh, you have to be super nice. That will really upset her.

If you can get in a bit about how excited Dc are about NY and how wonderful it is that you'll be able to have a proper grown up child free NYE (obv without upsetting DC) even better

Op, I could have written your original post. I have yet to meet the ow, my dd us 18 months old, and sadly, I feel I need to meet ow as she will be spending time with my dd.
I have so far been very nice about her and certainly haven't caused a fuss, as I could have done two years affair behind my back and her husbands, she knew about me as I met her with my ex to start with but if she is to be part of dd's life, polite and nice is, I feel, the only way forward.

I hope it goes ok.

No no, she'll be expecting you to be icy and indifferent!!
Give her a huuuuuuge hug, tell her you've been so excited to meet her, compliment her shoes and start braiding her hair. Then invite her to come by any time and have some wine and a girly night in. Haha.

(Alternatively, ignore me...)

I doubt she'll get out of the car - the OW has never set foot over the threshold of my house in 5 years and always stays in the car. We have only come face to face once and the extent of our conversation was "hello" (the polite and indifferent approach). My children were teenagers but if they had been younger, I may have felt it necessary to talk to her more.

Hold your head up high and be dignified - you have the moral high ground!

I think lala's suggestion is perfect if you can manage it.

"I would prefer not to meet x"

If you do say something along those lines, turn it around to "for X to meet me."^ Subtle difference, but puts you in the upper position of having someone brought to an audience with you, rather than the other way round.

I don't think you should say you don't want to meet her - that makes you the "difficult" one. i.e. she's made an effort but you wouldn't reciprocate. Which is completely understandable but will be used against you.

It will be a very brief meeting be friendly and polite, wish them both a Happy NY and give ex a NY kiss

yy to getting her name wrong...... mwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Good luck OP and I hope you have a great te yourself on NYE. Here's to a wonderful 2015 for you.

I'd twat the bitch but then I'm rough as fuck when it comes to infidelity.I know I know it's the blokes fault etc etc ad inf but I read your original post and felt so awfull for you.Admittedly Baileys has been taken tonight so no punctuation. < how anarchic >

Ooh ok, so I'm thinking make sure I'm looking good, hair makeup etc (subtle though) and a breezy "oh, the DC are so looking forward to seeing in the new year with you... I'm spending it with

How do your DCs feel about her?

Smile t?h?r?o?u?g?h? ?g?r?i?t?t?e?d? ?t?e?e?t?h? and just try to be you.
I wouldn't go on about the children to her, I wouldn't even talk to her about the children, be nice to the ex and then as someone said say how much you are looking forward to an adult night, you will miss them of course add but don't elaborate.
Smile and wave them off (for the children).
Feel good about yourself and keep in mind that this is your territory.

I did this and yes as I shut the front door I burst into tears BUT I was so proud of myself and the OW's face of pure hate as she got in the car was the best thing I have ever seen!

LOVE the idea of getting her name wrong.

Don't speak to her but encourage your children to 'be good for June'. Hopefully EXP will correct you 'oh god sorry, so many new names!'

I made sure I went to the car (easily done with little ones) smiled and said hello like I would to any friend of a friend, turned my attention to the DC and then said a sweet 'have fun!' to the whole car shut the door and walked away. Worked for me!

Polite, of course.

I would not try anything clever.
I mean why do that?

You obviously trust ExH with the children, so why bring her into that dynamic?

Keep the high moral ground.

Confused by some of the comments on here.

Team Lala vote 2!!! Love the way you think.

Fukkim- mind fuck central

OP best wishes to you .

while exH and I are managing to be amicable these days, the thought of her just makes me irrationally angry

Sounds to me you know what to do OP.

Keep the high moral ground and your integrity intact.

Fucking bitch.

But yes, I agree, be polite, cool, calm and collected.

And then when you get the opportunity to REALLY shaft her, take it.

P.s. Women who do this are insecure victims. Your exh must be off his rocker.

Good luck to you x

yes agree with your planned routine.
Just dont let it look like you are hanging onto the kids in the car etc - if you can do so without upsetting them.

Good luck OP, I've no advice unless you can get a good friend to be over when the dc go & be happy & get them to say 'we're just off to

Be perfectly pleasant and look effortlessly beautiful. Then as they are leaving, say bye ow's (wrong) name. Then you need a sympathetic head tilt and say oh so sorry I thought you were ( insert random woman's name) I must have got you mixed up.

P.s from what you have said, she must be spending NY with the kids VERY reluctantly. So a polite, cool p, calm and collected demeanour from you at the pick up will REALLY piss her off!

Also can you have a bunch of people in another room, chatting and laughing. It will really make her uncomfortable.