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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

What should I do about this?

84 replies

Ohbollocksandballs · 28/12/2014 10:44

After last disastrous relationship I posted here asking for advice, and advice I got! So now I'm back again.

Partner works away, he was back home Christmas Eve-the afternoon of the 27th. His family are scattered around and he does not speak to the majority of them, apart from his sisters.

Anyway we had planned that he would spend quite a bit of time here with me, as it was my first Christmas as a SP, and DS was at his dad's. However Christmas Day night, he went out in the afternoon and got bladdered, didn't hear from him till midday boxing day, when he was full of apologies etc. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, then he did the same thing Boxing Day too, to an even worse extent, causing trouble with his ex, various people in the pub (this is what he's admitted to). Naturally I was pretty pissed off, especially when the morning after he was adamant he'd done nothing wrong. Told him that I wasn't prepared to put up with his shit.

He went back working away yesterday, I didn't see him before he went, aside from Christmas Eve day, and Boxing Day during the day. However he called last night saying how sorry he is, how stupid he's been to upset me, how I am good for him, how guilty and down he feels about it, and that isn't how he usually is etc.

Part of me wants to believe it, but twice in a row? Really? Good people of MN, what do I do?

OP posts:

Report

AnyFucker · 28/12/2014 17:31

so, he came to spend a couple of days with you at Xmas and spent most of his time pissed and lairy in various pubs

what a catch

Deserttrek · 28/12/2014 18:16

OP, to put it in perspective, I think it is too late to dump him.
He 'dumped' you over the Christmas period.
Tell him that you have nothing to end.
Whatever it may have been, or was, ended through his own actions.

Ohbollocksandballs · 28/12/2014 18:21

Exactly AF, I attract idiots. Not sure what that says about me other than I can be VERY naive, and too bloody nice for my own good.

It's about time I started to grow some balls. He will call around 8/9 when he finishes. Cant wait to hear the shit he will come out with. I would just ignore him, but I'm one of those that has to say something or it doesn't feel 'finished' iyswim.

OP posts:

Vivacia · 28/12/2014 18:33

What do you want to get from the conversation OP?

AnyFucker · 28/12/2014 18:40

Stop being so damn nice lovey

when he starts yapping cut him off with "I shall say this only once. You are a dick and I deserve better so don't ever contact me again". The End.

Hissy · 28/12/2014 18:48

too right dump him! I have zero respect for any grown man who gets bladdered to the point of becoming an idiot, let alone one that causes trouble.

Ohbollocksandballs · 28/12/2014 18:49

Viv I want him to know that I'm not anything to him anymore. So far he is just assuming it's fine. I tried speaking to him about it last night and he said that he doesn't think I'm pissed off, he thinks I'm just trying to 'teach him a lesson'.

I know AF, I know. I'll read him your script.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 28/12/2014 18:52

Yap, yap, yap. It's just white noise that means nothing and Actions Speak Louder Than Words. Don't try to get him to accept or understand a thing though, as it just gives him more opportunity to bamboozle you. Say your piece then leave it.

Vivacia · 28/12/2014 18:58

Viv I want him to know that I'm not anything to him anymore. So far he is just assuming it's fine. I tried speaking to him about it last night and he said that he doesn't think I'm pissed off, he thinks I'm just trying to 'teach him a lesson'.

Then quite a short conversation? I would tell him that you've had more time to think, and that this really isn't the relationship for you. Let him reply, but keep the conversation short, "there really isn't much more to say" and "Look, I'm going now, perhaps we'll be in touch when the dust is settled..." in a tone that says, "you won't hear from me, I'm just being polite and we both know it".

Ohbollocksandballs · 28/12/2014 19:18

A very short conversation. I do feel shit about it. But I know I will feel better in the morning.

OP posts:

Vivacia · 28/12/2014 19:23

Why do you feel shit?

AnyFucker · 28/12/2014 19:31

Good girl

Ohbollocksandballs · 28/12/2014 19:36

Because I'm too bloody nice

OP posts:

Vivacia · 28/12/2014 19:42

Ah, that we can live with

Ohbollocksandballs · 28/12/2014 21:09

Its done. I feel bloody awful.

OP posts:

Vivacia · 28/12/2014 21:11

Well you shouldn't, not after the way he's behaved this week.

Ohbollocksandballs · 28/12/2014 21:17

I know. He just sounded so, defeated.

OP posts:

Malabrigo · 28/12/2014 21:22

Congratulations OP. Have a great 2015.

As for defeated, well, maybe he'll learn a lesson. Don't wait to find out though.

peasandlove · 28/12/2014 21:23

better him than you, right

Deserttrek · 28/12/2014 21:36

Defeat. Now that is a strong, strong word.....
That makes it sound like a battle.
Actually, he gave up on you before Christmas.
When he made plans (as he did) to go down the pub.
There was no battle.
He surrendered any chance of you.....for his cosy bottle.
No inquest necessary.
No appeal necessary.
Fair outcome. Very fair.
Happy New Year, wish you well OP.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 28/12/2014 21:44

You've find him and you a favour.

Maybe he will learn for his next relationship that you don't ditch someone (to go and get pissed and cause trouble somewhere)on a special day when they are already feeling lonely... Twice!

And yourself because you have had the courage to stand up for yourself and know you deserve better, and now you are free to meet someone else who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

wallaby73 · 28/12/2014 21:57

Just an observation : how many of us have been treated appallingly, deserted of an evening, left hanging for HOURS......and then when WE decide that actually, we'renot having this, it really isn't on, we then feel AWFUL for doing so? Because "they sounded so sad...." I count myself in this in the past. It's utterly mad, as women (massive generalisation coming....) i think we have been so conditioned to be compliant, be the peace maker, the compromiser, the fixer, we end up shafting ourselves. NO MORE, SISTERS!!

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Ohbollocksandballs · 29/12/2014 08:45

Feeling much better this morning, thankyou everyone.

Wallaby

OP posts:

Dowser · 29/12/2014 09:30

Came to this thread late but just wanted to commend you on taking action.

The right action for his misdeeds.

I just hope that he didn't completely ruin Christmas for you.

What an arsewipe. You've saved yourself years of grief.

Now the way is free for whoever you will meet in the new year.

Vivacia · 29/12/2014 11:25

Dowser why do you post in that way, if you don't mind me asking?

Flip

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