If your H sent this message, what conclusion would you draw?

[ForTheLoveOfSocks]

Hello, sorry I had to leave you today. My only chance and ice blown it lol. Hope I get another one, one day.

As AFsays, he really shouldn't be sending texts like this to wind up a work colleague he thinks might've interested in him so that he and his mates can laugh about it.

Doesn't that sound like schoolboys daring each other to chat up the girl with glasses/spots/a bowl haircut? Instead of, y'know, grown up professionals?

And that's if you believe him.

agree with balloonslayer. He is now maybe regretting having refused her offer and is trying to reopen that option......... Definitely doesn't want to burn the bridge there.

I'm with AF; the lies he has told actually drop him in it further. I mean seriously, come ON!! Would you really even consider for a millisecond that any part of his explanation is true? Really? Would you even give any of that any consideration? I can understand wanting to believe it, as the other option is too devastating and frankly life changing, but it also sadly makes you a mug. All the best xx

I'm being played for a bloody fool, aren't I?

Yes. The 'joke' explanation makes no sense at all. Is that really the best BS he can manage?

I wouldn't be happy in the slightest and then if he said he sent it as a joke my respect for him would be next to nothing...and I wouldn't believe that either...a joke?!! Really?!! How old is he?! Either way it's not looking good...

My guess: the woman has made it clear she fancied him / flirted and his liked it, subtly encouraged it but down played it to male colleagues who've ribbed him / encouraged it.

Then either she's completely laid it out for him and he rejected it (reality too scary) or she got bored and moved on to someone else (who may or may not be married, it's irrelevant but I think he told you to in some way get his truth out there).

But either one he misses the attention and either regrets saying no (and wants to keep her dangling as he likes the fact he could even if he wouldn't go there) or is a bit jealous and wants to keep her interested in him for the same reasons.

I would be quite icily telling him that you don't believe his take and do not appreciate him flirting / encouraging another woman, it's not a joke it's not funny and it's damaging your marriage and what is he going to do about it?

If he strops and insists it's just a joke, insist it's not funny and no about of trying to shift his guilt will make this go away.

I don't know what he does for a living but it's perfectly possible that it's 100% work related and innocent (as far as cheating goes). I think you need to see this in context with the other messages he's sent her.

I've sent similar messages to a female colleague whom I've worked with for years, referring to mistakes during sales presentations etc. but neither of us were cheating on our OHs. It was "work related banter" (awful phrase.

Toby have you read the husband's explanation though?
How likely would you be to send a come on text to a "predatory" female colleague who fancied you, liked married men, just as a joke with your workmates?
I'm thinking: not very likely at all.

I buy your sales presentation mistake. I don't buy anything that includes "for a laugh with my mates".

She's a "predatory" woman rendering all men helpless before her.

It was a text that a knobber sends. Is your h usually a knobber?

He is def flirting.

Well, if you look at the absolute certainties first, they were clearly together in person and he had to leave (sorry I had to leave you today). He regrets them being separated because he apologises for it and looks for encouragement from her that they can get close again (I hope I get another [chance], one day).

I would guess that they were close to something happening before he got called away. 'Had' could suggest he had no choice- something work related was required of him? It doesn't sound like he controlled himself & that's why he left, or he wouldn't be hoping for another shot. Perhaps they aren't alone much (my only chance and I've blown it).

I don't buy his claims it was a joke at all. Not at all.

Very similar to a text I discovered on an exes phone. Turns out he was shagging around. Soppy OP.

Sounds to me like a siuation arose where they could have got it on together and he or she backed out (unlikely as this text keeps his option open) or a third party blundered along and ruined the opportunity.

In my opinion the text is keeping the door open for the next time a chance (or planned) encounter occurs.

This wind up text is frankly rubbish because of course if you are happily married and there's a "predatory" female about targeting married men you obviously encourage them !!!

Oh that old chestnut! Painting her as a predatory woman who forces married men into compromising their fidelity. Yeah riiiiight.

He wants to shag her. But he'll happily drop HER in it now you have discovered that. Nice guy.

Sorry OP

any thoughts, OP ?

His explanation is bizarre/nasty/stupid. A lie basically...

I could see that being sent as a joke, it would really have to be judged against the other messages between them. It's the kind of jokey message you send when you know there is nothing between you like "aw shucks, I'll try harder next time" rather than anything serious.

have you read the husband's explanation though?

Yes, I have and it strikes me as being so prat like that it may well be true.

This message, as I said, needs to be read in context with the other messages he's sent, how long he's worked with this woman and what exactly their work relationship is.

In the days when we had the death penalty, juries were told by the judge to give the benefit of the doubt, whenever possible, to the accused.

That's all I'm saying; there's room for doubt.

So, um, does this place of business have a HR department? And what do you think will happen if she reports him for sexual harassment has your husband ever heard of sexual harassment ?
Sorry you are going through this.

Nice proverb, AF

I messed it up slightly, but you get the gist

It's Fucker's Christmas Message To The World

I'm sorry for my accute cynicism...But it sounds like your husband's work colleagues may be playing him for entertainment value. Is he usually so suggestible, that is easily talked into things, or easily influenced by peer pressure? Is the company's financial picture skint and they need a reason to let someone go? I may be totally in left field here, but the "encouragement from colleagues" makes it smell more like a trap. It is just that, imho, someone would want a lot of secrecy and privacy to conduct an affair, not something so public as you've described unless he seriously wants to be single again.

He either met up with her and realised he'd be an idiot to pursue anything so was trying to be polite about it or he had to rush off. Either way I wouldn't see this as a joke

How are you Op? Did you seamy reply?

See any
Sorry

Fortheloveofsocks What is your gut telling you?
AF and your message would especially apply to the Stately Homes people of the world, especially at Christmastime.