Ideal age to get married?

[zaracharlotte]

I married at 30 after four years of dating.

My sister is currently 25, and has been with her boyfriend since meeting him at university aged 18. They are very much a permanent fixture in each others lives, and are committed to marriage at some point in the future. Engaged to be engaged, you might say.

Tonight she asked me if she was too young. I was stumped. I have no idea how to answer that question. On one hand, they are such a committed couple, that getting married wouldn't make much difference. However, I have this gut feeling that 25 is still too young - probably because it was too young for 25 year old me.

So I'm asking you - if you could do it all over again, had you met your partner (current, not any previous marriages) at 18, and were now aged 25 - would you consider this too young for marriage?

inthedark and hearmyroar - these are perfectly sound reasons but the same could have been sorted through a couple of documents other than a marriage certificate. Also these are very UK centric, many countries across Europe give equal recognition to "civil partnerships" and a marriage is seen as more of a religious/administrative event.

Sorry, I'm obviously still bitter and this time of year doesn't help...

Take your point chunderella but I'm not sure that this is a truly UK based forum as there seem to be contributors from all over the world which, in itself, is interesting. Also given the cultural diversity within the UK people approach the same questions from very different angles. As ever, we only get very partial information on these threads so impossible to provide truly accurate answers to everything. Just a point of view...

We got married when we were both 24, having got together fairly early on at Uni. Hadn't lived together before either. I had started teaching and dh was still a medical student, we couldn't afford a house or a car.

Had dd1 when we were both 29.

20 years next week - it was right for us!

Thanks but no need to be patronising.

There is no insurance policy that would guarantee a successful marriage.
The consideration of moving to another stage can also trigger a different dynamic if one of them is not ready...make or break but there is no right or wrong age. But for sure she needs to trust her gut feeling rather than listening to exterior pressures.

Met DH when I was 19, 4 months after I ended a 6-year relationship that was abusive, but that I stayed in to survive.

We got married 2 years later, when I was 21 and DH was 28.

Some years have been good, some bad, but we're still together, and he's the only man for me. Hoping to grow old with him, as long as health problems don't prevent that.

Next year, it will be 40 years since we met.

Op I think your sister might be worried that she is simply "falling into" marriage. Its very easily done when a couple have been together a long time, and reach their mid to late twenties. But marriage should (at least in my view) be something that you actually consciously and purposefully choose. Not just fall into because, you know, things are going okay, and you don't want to break up, and its the next stage really..... That's dangerous.

Maybe your sister is also imagining that kids would follow shortly after a wedding, but she would prefer to do more traveling and enjoy her independence a bit longer.

I think really the best thing would be to sit down with your sister and ask her what she wants. There is no rush to get married. 25 is still very young, and plenty of people wait a bit longer. Its only if she really wants marriage right now that she should go for it.

In my opinion, unless she is planning on having children quite soon, then yes your sister probably is too young. Not because at 25 she's too immature but if she's been with him since she was 18 some of those relationships do fall apart once you hit your late 20s as people change and grow apart. Not that I'm saying it will happen but it's fairly common. Your sister might also feel a bit freaked out by only having one serious relationship. I think it's normal to have cold feet like that but whilst she's having doubts like this then I don't think she should get married any time soon. I'd advise her to wait a couple of years and see how she feels then.

I got married this year at 24... We got together when I was 20, although we had known each other for nearly 3 years before that (met at University) it worked for us, and we are very happy, but I can see why people would think it's young to be married!

I think you get married when you're ready, whenever that is for you. I know one lovely couple who maried at 18 and just celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary. I know couples who waited years and one lovely couple where the bride was 63 and it was her first marriage as she'd never met the right chap before. All married at the right time for them.

yabu in my opinion. Dh and I married at 23, I'm now 37 and we're still together. Of course more young marriages will end in divorce Erm there's more years to go at.

And Pandora sorry but what do children have to do with it? When DH and I married we were nowhere near ready for children. In fact I had my first child at 31 and was pregnant with our 2nd on our 10th anniversary. I remember my mil making some comment about me having a baby at our wedding and I thought in my young mind that she was joking, I pmsl .

I think one of the big issues is that if you get married at 30 babies follow and this is these days what people often see marriage as for. I really dont see how being married constrained my 20s any more than living together would have. It was handy to have a wedding ring to flash around on girls' nights out tbh....

and I've only had one serious relationship. Maybe i should dump him and play the field

I met DH at uni. I was 24 when we got married and we had DS1 within a year. DS1 is now 12.

Most of my friends thought I was insane to settle down so young. But it felt right, and I don't have any regrets.

I don't think I thought very hard about the divorce statistics TBH.

Never