Horrible relative has invited herself and her husband to Xmas lunch - argh!

[intothenevernever]

Narcissistic, unpleasant aunt has invited herself to lunch. There will already be 15 of us in a small house. Do we just have to grin and bear it? Oh god, we do, don't we.:( Bloody families!!!!!

Honestly just send an email saying "I am so sorry that just doesn't fit in with our plans. But would love to meet up on the ???????". Then have a family illness that day.

I don't understand these threads. NO YOU'RE NOT COMING TO LUNCH.

Jesus! Grow a backbone! You don't have to be rude, just say you don't have room and that maybe you'll catch up in the new year, or something equally non-committal. Why should you all be dreading something so obviously avoidable?!

she will go bleating to our overseas relations that we refused to have her, and they will have a go at us for being so mean. My poor mother is distraught about this. She and odious relative can't bear each other

You put overseas relations' verbal abuse above your own mothers' Christmas Day, actually that of 15 people? Nice. Glad everyone knows who is most important at Christmas. You. Because you don't like the idea of some people overseas bitching about you.

You will have the Christmas you deserve this year - one way or the other.

'Thats such a shame. It would have been very nice to see you both on Xmas day. However the house is chocca block so there's sadly no space. Let's arrange to meet one Sunday in January though. Which dates are good for you?

How about saying No, we'll have to see you another time.

You can be rude. She will tell everyone you were rude even if you weren't so you might as well say what you want.

agree, either way she'll moan so may as well let her have something to moan about.

Sounds like you have to choose.
A horrible christmas stuck with someone you hate or some bitching at you from people who live umpty miles away.
You can always refuse to accept a telling off .

She can only invite herself if YOU Let her

No is a complete sentence - but "sorry, no, it is just not convenient, merry Xmas & we will see you at x,y,z" will do in this particular circumstance

Good luck & do not back down

please please listen to the advice here intothenevernever. do not let thisperson ruin your day. you can say no. and you can live with the consequences.

once you've done it once, you'll wonder what you were worrying about. honestly, stand up for you and yours.

merry Christmas

Sounds like everybody knows what she is like, so if she does go bleating to the overseas set, they'll just smirk knowingly at each other.

As a hostess, you have a sacred responsibility to the comfort of your guests, especially your mother. You have to email this woman back and sweetly say NO.

This is giving me silent rage. Lol. Just say nooooo!

I still think you should tell her not to come.
But if you insist on allowing yourself to be used - change the plan of your day. Serve a light buffet lunch at 11:30 - quiche, salad etc, low calorie everything because you're saving your appetite for the big event in the evening, all got to be a buffet because you don't have room to seat that many, and she can be politely shooed out of the house to go to family at 5pm whereupon your Xmas meal and celebrations can start in her absence.

Don't be so pathetic, why is odious relative more important than your mum and other guests?

Do you really want your guests to say bad things sbout your Christmas lunch because you have no backbone? It will be
Like "Christmas was ruined because hostess had also invited this rude and obnoxious woman, what a waste of time!"

Heck, pm me her email address and I'll do it!

GoodKingQuintless is exactly right. It's really unfair on the other 14 people you are hosting to acquiesce to ruining their Christmas like this.

Oooh I've had an even better idea. Could you arrange for DH to take the other 14 people elsewhere between 12 and 3? Odious relatives arrive to a house containing just you. Serve them lunch (no need to eat yourself, you'll be eating later so can hang out in the kitchen with a sherry while they eat) - you can buy plated-up microwave turkey dinners. Wave them on their way. Give DH the all clear to return with your guests when they have gone.

Someone inviting themselves like this has no right to dictate what they are fed or who else is there.

Why don't you email her back saying 'what a coincidence I was just about to email saying we were coming to yours for lunch.'

See how she likes you descending on her with hardly any notice.

But seriously why would you prefer to ruin your own xmas and that of your mother and other important relatives close to you.. Because one relative is rude and some other relatives will gossip. Let them - or better still tell them why you couldn't have her.

Life really is too short for this. What if you knew this was your last Christmas? Would you do things differently?

What does she do that is odious? Can you all just ignore her?

Oh dear. Grow a pair. Seriously.

The key thing about the overseas relatives is that they are overseas. They can't do much about odious aunt being told straight and you can dodge all communications until they calm down. Off you go,do it now!

Woman up some and tell her no.

Dont make everyone miserable for the sake of a few whiny bastards.

Strap on a pair,email her saying sorry, you are already hosting a full house of people and have no room at this late stage so near to Christmas.

No further discussion needed.

Just email her back and say no. How dare she presume to invite herself. Who cares about the bleatings of overseas relies? Please just say no room at the inn.