Am I going crazy? More of a handhold I suppose.

[Pacificrum]

Been with H for years, it's always been tempestuous but we are trying to ride it out. Small children have made it hard (I have another thread somewhere).

He's come home from work do and is being completely horrible. Texting away looking smug and I'm
Sitting here furious as he's trying to get a reaction. It worked sadly.

We were supposed to go out tonight but the arguing means cancelled plans and general fuck up of it all.

I'm at my wits end. At home all day everyday with the children with no support at all.

I feel like I'm drowning in it all and I want to disappear. To him I'm just the mother all home and his mother was marvellous so why can't I be!

I want to scream! I feel invisible and he tells me he looks at me as though I because such a bitch to him.

I need some handholding please. Are the infant years always such a vile disconnect are is this just a doomed relationship?

Quitelikely
Thank you.
I have no family, I've not gone anywhere he has

You know what? You are well rid. He is vile and it sounds very much as though he's texting another woman and showing off to himself. You are much better off without someone who treats you like this.

Be strong and don't let him back when he comes whining to you.

You don't push him. He can choose how he responds and treats you.
Do you feel ok? Cold compress on your head would be a good idea.

Could you speak to women's aid. Pushing you by accident or otherwise is not acceptable and o feel he's bullied you for so long he has made you think it's you that's wrong. It really isn't.

He said he was emailing about am outstanding contract...at 6pm when they are all out anyway? I'm a bit confused about that one now. I can't imagine he'd actually stoop that low.

He's just texted to say if I'll behave decently he'll come back and bring so e food but if I'm just going to fight he will sleep in 'their' office.

Wtaf. Not sorry you bashes your head just you're crazy and I'll come back if you behave. I hate him sometimes.

Tell him to go to the office.

Sorry he said he'll sleep out not our office or sleep at the office.

I'm so confused. I'll be so upset if he's texting another woman!

I don't feel very strong I feel very confused and upset.

I know you do. It's a horrid situation. He wanted a reaction from you though. That's why he behaves like that.
Saying if you behave he'll being food back and come home is bullying again. He started this and then walked out when he'd got you wound up and upset. I'd make him stay away tonight.

I've said it's up to him where he wants to sleep as sleeping on a bench somewhere wasn't ideal as he said he didn't care etc etc

On top of it my neighbours are having a massive party and making so much noise! As usual. It's all so overwhelming tonight. I can't believe what's happened on top if what imperial said about him probably texting another woman and feeling smug about it. If that's the case which I hope not it's a proper ducking kick in the teeth.

Fucking not ducking, meant to say fucking!

Is he back or are you on your own?

He came back last night and stayed on the sofa. Won't speak to me and is blaming me for escalating it all last night. I have serious issues, I need help, that sort of thing. I feel dreadful. Awake all night with a kicking toddler. As for the text, he wouldn't do that I'm pretty certain but he would smirk and react in a way that would be guaranteed to wind me up. Oh what a mess these past two weeks have been!

How can you accidentally push someone?

It must have been with a lot of force if you have a big lump on your head.

I slipped and hit my head on a coffee table. He pushed me put the way as he was in a doorway. It's shocking but was t done in malice.

No. If someone's being so utterly vile to you that you'd walk out & leave them then that's what you do. You don't hang around screaming, you don't get physical with them (and shoving past you isn't accidental unless he has the spatial awareness of a potato), and you certainly don't then give them just enough time to start questioning themselves and then text them encouraging them to beg you to come home.

He's a manipulative little shit.

You're not crazy.

You do sound desperate. That I can relate to sadly.

Does he usually walk out?

Yes always walks out. Second time this week.
He won't speak to me and told he needs this morning to think about things.

It's cruel to walk out.
Especially in your isolated situation with small children- obviously you can't leave can you?

Where does he go and for how long is he gone?

No idea where he goes and usually an hour or two. He's stayed with friends for a week on a few occasions.

It sound like he is deliberately and repeatedly pushing your buttons
So you've got to ask yourself why, and the answer sadly it's that there is something in it for him. What does he actually gain from this behaviour.
No responsibility at home, time on his own, to do what he likes when he likes ?
Of he is gaining from this, and diminishing you in the process then this is abusive behaviour, irrespective of what he says it's the cause or how much he blames you for this.
Did he not want to go out last night with you? He seems to have achieved that quite nicely?
As for the push being accidental, maybe he didn't need to push you at all ? What was the alternative ? Staying and talking, or being pulled up on his behaviour, ?so he pushed you out of the way because he didn't want to do that.
Try it from another point of view, he laid hands on you with violence on order to get his own way.

Do you want to stay in this relationship?

If you do then you have to do something different.
Don't wait for him to "think"...
He's hurting you emotionally and showing you no respect.

What do you need right now?

Please don't wait for him to come back with "his plan for your your future"
Make a plan of your own
Even if you only make a list of your assets it will put you in a much better place in your own head
By assets I mean people you can phone, stay with over night, having a stronger emotional bond with your children than he does even having a list of useful phone numbers for organisations that help women specifically

I don't actually know what to do right now I'm still so shocked.