Qualities of a good man?

[CupidStuntSurvivor]

I always go for the bad-uns. The charmers. The ones who promise the world in the beginning then just take whatever they can get for as long as I'll put up with it.

I'm 7 months out of an abusive relationship and have an 8 month old daughter. To be honest, I have no intention of actively seeking a relationship right now but I also don't want to be bowled over by the next person who sees me as a cow ready for the milking. I'm funny, intelligent and generous and I want my next relationship to be with a man who deserves the best of me.

So, those of you who've experienced a truly loving, affectionate and fulfilling relationship, what did/does your significant other do that showed you that he was just right? What do you look out for?

And what are your deal breakers and red flags that tell you to ditch?

@aliciaj.... The common problem with those who rush into a relationship is that they're making a judgement based on someone's 'date face'.... ie everyone on best behaviour. If you're very, very lucky and the other person is not presenting a front that is very different from their regular selves, it can work. It also relies on everyone being very happy to go at the same speed.

A more sinister problem surrounds 'rushers'. These people try to bounce partners into whirlwind romances that make them uncomfortable, and are not motivated by love but by control. They typically offer undying love, marriage, children, the works, persuading people to move location, quit careers, drop family and leave 'killjoy' friends behind. By the time the abuse gets going in earnest, the victim is isolated, tied down & financially dependent.

I forgot to add the ability to be interested in your stuff, friends, family etc.
and to listen to you.

DH is not great at this partly because he has so much to say himself.

I don't listen to him well either as am always looking for an opportunity to get a few words in myself.

Ho Hum

Solvent
Sense of humour
Does what he says he's gong to do
Is supportive when shit happens
Has friends and good relationships with parents/siblings
Has interests
Is kind to animals and children
Wants to listen to what you have to say, not just have you listen to him
Scrubs up well
Fanciable
Bedroom skills
Doesn't slag off his exs

Isn't shagging half your village.
Doesn't have a significant criminal history.
Doesn't have a wife.

Knows how to voice his own needs, preferences and fears without forcing you to comply with them. I would rather have a bit of straight talking, rather than a total bolt from the blue, or those awful guessing games some men play where they won't quite tell you what's going on, but you know something is up.

Should've been a red flag when, on our first holiday together, xp insisted on having the window seat so he could see everything. I wasn't bothered really and would be happy to give it up but honestly, a grown man needing the window seat??!
It's such a little thing, but it showed me he didn't put me first.

Anyone that has seen the wedding singer will probably understand the window seat thing!

Does he love his mother?

Very good points there HumblePie...they shall be going on my list!

Along with having friends...abusive ex turned out to have no actual friends. Just women he kept on the side to sleep with when he got bored.

My dh is an extremely good man. I wasn't convinced to begin with and thought he was a bit wet but (thankfully) realised the importance of kindness and patience in a marriage and now appreciate all of his lovely traits.

He is close to his family and respects his mother and sister. He wa also keen to meet my family and gets on really well with them.
He is comfortable in his own skin.
He is kind and generous but almost never makes big gestures (only when pushed!)
He doesn't shout or swear (a personal one, doing either doesn't mean you're not a good person!)

Honest, reliable, respectful, generous in spirit, willing to adapt to new ideas, even tempered

A bit fanciable

No kinks or fetishes

Loves you to bits
Doesn't need to change

Doesn't want to change you