Ok - so this is man posting - looking to learn. In v. long term relationship, with two lovely young children, and OH that I still find more attractive than ever.
If it was up to me, we would be spending more time together, kisses, cuddles, and yes sex - which makes me feel accepted and closer to her.
She would probably say she is very tired most of the time, and doesn't always feel comfortable in herself. She would probably also say that when we do have intimacy, she's feels happier.
The problem I am struggling with is getting a balance between initiating cuddles, massages, and sex versus being seen as pressurising. It is also emotionally and physically frustrating to go to bed every night 'on standby' hoping for closeness. After months of this it's then so easy to deal by switching off, and not trying. The worst outcome for me is not suggesting or going for a hug, because of wanting to look casual, and not pressurise WHILE all along this happens to be a night when she actually wants me to initiate..what a tragedy, it's a short life....
Stereotypical posts seem to be; posts where women complain their OH go nowhere near them anymore, and other posts where men complain of a lack of intimacy.
It's seems like an age old problem....bit sad really
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Relationships
Intimacy - reading the signals - always being ready
jack45132 · 10/12/2014 06:05
In my marriage I was desperate for exh to leave me alone and let me recover from births of dc/post baby body etc and he was too impatient and we both becamev resentful.
With relationships since then boot has been on the other foot and I got v irritated by a previous partner beingso content to just be together instead of making an effort with intimacy. I sympathise completely with the op it's not about gratification it's about intimacy. I didn't get it when I was married but I do now.
Now I've seen it from both sides sexual rejection is just as bad as pressure 
Can we get away from the 'massage' business? It's a very 1970s Joy of Sex kind of way to make a man 'irresistible' to women. It's not sexy.
"Oh you've had a busy day with the DCs, let me rub your feet" = "I fancy a shag so if I rub your skin in an annoying way for 5 minutes then I've done you a favour, you'll be amazed at my kindness and you'll be all turned on".
It's far more of a turn on to be consistently thoughtful. 'Presents' ,however big or small, don't come into it, that's like buying her services.
Cuddles should be just that, something without strings and something that doesn't turn into a grope. She shouldn't think (worry) that every tactile move is a precursor to sex. Build your relationship back up. Think how it was when you were dating, in the days (hours!) before you had sex for the first time. See her how she actually is, not Mrs X or DCs mum but 'X' in her own right.
But totally drop the massage stuff. It's awful. As I was a massage therapist for 10 years - I never shagged a client!!!
Hope this makes sense, it's stupid 'o' clock and 'he' is snoring 
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Yes i second bbb123 as a voice of sense
Im far my exhausted now my children are older. I have a physical job and often fall asleep on the sofa. I always had time for sex though. Because I enjoyed it and its what kept us close. (Or so i thought but thats another story! 
)
Well as the first person to raise the dirty subject of housework, can I just say that I thought the whole point of MN was to share your own personal experiences with the hope of supporting and helping others with their own issues. 
It played a part in my tiredness as there are indeed some men out there who come home after working (sometimes away) all week and expect to just sit and relax all weekend while you run about after the kids, doing the housework even though you've been doing that all week as well as going to your paid job. It speaks to their overall consideration for your needs as well as their own.
OP didn't mention why his DP was tired, just that she was and I just enquired if they were indeed balancing those tasks as well as trying to address her other issues by conveying how important I felt it was for both parties to have time as a family, couple and individuals.
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