Am I having an emotional affair?

[newmaneforthis1]

I have an ex who I have never fully got over.

We have been apart for 16 years and in that time I have got married and have a child.

About 4 years ago we got back in touch on FB

We've met up about 4 times now. DH doesn't know, though he knows we are back in touch. DH is very jealous and controlling so I couldn't tell him. Nothing has ever happened physically when we have met up.

But we talk on-line every day. We play an on-line game together and chat on that.

We do flirt a little. But nothing would come of it.

I have very strong feelings for my ex and care about him deeply. He has a family too now (though they are not married and the children are not his, but still a family). He lives 100s of miles away.

As I say, we talk every single day and have done for a few years now. We have both acknowledged we still love each other but that there's no way we would do anything about it as too many people would be hurt and we won't do that.

Am I having an emotional affair?

Well Bad, I guess we agree the problems in OPs marriage are what needs to be addressed whatever the 'script'.
Sorry Newman, I hope you're ok with this discussion. I am interpreting your thread in light of my experience of supporting women suffering donestic abuse and feel that from what you've said your DH sounds very controlling.

balding have you ever lived with anyone who is very controlling?

Have you ever lived with someone who has the sheer balls to have an affair right in your face then whinge that your controlling ?

Have you ever heard of an honest cheater ?

Just feeling that sometimes it might be right to be a little bit generous, rather than immediately trying to catch someone out?

Honest cheater? - well sometimes circumstances can confuse the best of us, and there is a person here who will probably be helped more by a bit of empathy than by censure? Pointing the finger may not help?

Having an affair and manipulating the situation so you look like the victim is wrong. And it's a horrible thing to do to your partner.
HOWEVER! There is no evidence from what's been posted that Newman is doing this.In fact her husbands behaviour long predates her friendship ( I would not call this an affair) and it is his behaviour that is manipulative. I think some people just see what they want to as soon as they see the word affair.

I don't think we can be sure of the timelines from what OP has posted so far.

We do know that DH found a correspondence when he got its her FB (why? Did he always check? Of is it possible that since you starting the EA, OP is the one who has changed?). OP refused to break off EA, intensified it (to include meetings). Things nose-dived, and DH's displays of jealousy are becoming more frequent and intense.

Once in an affair, it is very hard to disentangle the betrayer's justifications from their description.

But the thing that seems clear is that OP does not like her DH, her actions show no love towards him, and she is becoming increasingly scared of him.

I think this is a situation to leave. Because it seems set to escalate in level of difficulty and volatility.