The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Driving Through A Sober Winter Wonderland.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Bus, he's called Gerald.... he takes us up and down and this wondrous land, searching high and low for Babes in need of some support, a warm place to sit and chat, and to have someone to listen to them.

So, grab a seat as we swing by your way. There's lots of hot drinks, food and fleeces, places to just be and places to sit around and chat if that's what you want.

We don't judge, because we've all be in your shoes, be they stilettos, wellies or crocs!...

We're just us, we're just honest and we just do what we can to help, if we can, when we can. Let's try and have a Merry Christmas without getting off our faces this year.

Here is the very first, emotional thread if you would like to see where this all started

And the last thread if you want to keep up!

I've got me dressing gown and tea towel, pretty sure one of my son's stick collection in the boot of my car will be crook shaped. I'm good to go

Well done guggs faire and popcorn. You may all have to take on extra roles if the rest of the cast don't turn up soon.
mouse we do kind of need the Angel Gabriel.....
Do you know who I would love to make a guest appearance? silver! If you are out there Babe, check in and join I the fun.
Who knows, maybe the person behind the first ever thread, the actual Jesus might drop in...we are SO not worthy

Hi babes, here I am again!!!! I haven't been posting as I felt like my posts consisted of the same self indulgent posts. My mood is like a roller coaster and my drinking is becoming increasingly destructive. My lovely family all attach my drinking episodes to my "depression" which ofcourse it is but I my binges are getting so bad I'm really damaging my health.

It seems like a constant daily battle and it has worn be out physically and mentally, I can't seem to come to terms with never drinking again but it's so selfish of me when I consider what my drinking has put others through. I keep thinking about all the famous people that don't drink and have great fulfilling lives, Davina McColl being one of them, she's the epitomy of health and vitality.... So am I flawed or is my life flawed and I can't see it???

I've even gone back to old habits of hiding the wine in my room and just having enough to take away my fear of everything but appearing normal. It's like my dirty little secret but
Ofcourse the wine consumed causes all the same feelings of anxiety and panic to resurface during the night and the next PLUS the constant worry of how much I'm slowing killing myself ... It's actually ridiculous when I type it out!!!!

I so want to put this year to bed, it's been a horrible journey through the darkest depression I could ever have imagined, my body is worn out and my tortured soul is tired BUT I soooo want next year to be a good one and I reckon this bus is the hottest seat In town for making that happen.

You guys are amazing, glorious and so supportive, I'm glad to be back home on our lovely little bus. Xxx

Baby, I feel really sad to read your post. I don't know if you remember me but I used to post as Pink01 and I posted up thread this morning to mark my second sober Christmas and give my love to all on the bus.
I remember how determined you were and I am sure still are, so I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much.
I don't know if I can say very much that is helpful apart from please don't give up hope because honestly if I can stop pretty much anyone can. I do remember how hard it is/was though. That's why I never let my brain talk me into 'just one drink' these days. Although from the vantage point of 14 months AF sometimes you can start to convince yourself that just a couple of drinks would be nice.......I know it wouldn't be though.
Anyway sorry I am rambling. Are you considering doing dry January? You have some time to psyche yourself up for that. Thinking of you xx

Baby so good to hear from you,even in tough circumstances.I've only just made it back to the thread due to depression. I'm in the sidecar most nights... BUT

you and I are HERE. I know that are beginning all over again but that is the way it is and regrets won't change that. I know I will drink over christmas but I will have a go at dry Jan.

We are on a journey you and I,and it's a rocky road not a lovely straight path. We have to look at what we have achieved - you were amazing! We will pick ourselves up and get sober again when we can. I know now that I'm a relapse queen,I will be sober when I can and let go of the times when I drink.

So how about having a go at Dry Jan with me?

Lots of hugs and best wishes lovely baby

OMG pink what a lovely post, I've thought about you often and wondered if you made it and it does my heart that you have. It's lovely to have your support and best wishes, cheered me up no end.

guggs my lovely, lovely friend thank you for always "having my back" and bringing out my good side, I reckon you and I would be great friends in RL, let's support each other, feels better already knowing your with me.

The very strange thing is for a very long time I drank a bottle a night and functioned very well (or so I thought) it seemed enough to dial down the crazy without having a major problem (again so I thought) but I decided to stop as I was always a bit depressed, a bit fat and a bit disillusioned with life so I gave up. That's when it all went wrong. Over the weeks I stopped my anxieties, insecure feelings and realisation that real true life was too difficult, I'd stay sober for so long then the floodgates of my soul would open and I'd drink like a fiend for days on end, then rinse and repeat.

That's been my life mostly for the last year!!! I kinda wish I go could back to where I started but now any amount I drink awakens a darkness in me that simply cannot go on.

I have fantastic periods when I'm sober and my depression hides itself and I feel almost normal but as soon as the depression comes after me and everything looks darker and scary somehow then the wine becomes the medicine, then a few days oblivion and I get up and try again.

Incase anyone is wondering as I also have Crohn's disease my parents take the kids for a few days every now and then when it really flares up so they don't see me in pain and I pass out quite a bit with blood loss so that's what happens when I "go off on one".

It's a horrible way to live for all of us, waiting for the next time. I am being treated for depression but the support in the services around me isn't the best.

Anyway I'm sober for nearly 2 weeks and I want to spend next year getting healthy, losing weight, eating better and trying to find the nice, kind optimist person I used to be.

Please don't think me all negative but it's important to put out there the story so far so I can start the new chapter with truth and courage.

This bus have been wonderful to me and I hope I can support some of you too xxx

Aww baby that sounds dreadful. I hope things get better for you soon

Hello babyj well done on 2 weeks. Have you got a part in the nativity?

I have returned from an afternoon party, where I just drank water and tea. After The Actual Event, wine and beer were offered, though I noticed several people just asked for tea and coffee. It felt good to be sober - I really want to stay this way forever! But I also want to be able to have a drink at Christmas...

Morning All.

Well, parents have arrived and are settled in, it is their first time visiting in this house - we moved in September, so it was all a bit daunting and exciting (despite my advanced age,and professional job, Mum helped a lot financially to get the house, so I want her to like it and feel happy with it, since in what I hope is the very far future it may also become her home if she is unable to live alone). I shouldn't have worried, they love it - even the somewhat eccentrically decorated hallway.

I did drink last night, but just two glasses of white with dinner, and then I made a herbal tea, and offered everyone else AF alternatives as well as more wine - DH, DM and DF all plumped for tea or coffee (what is it with these folk who stop without batting an eyelid?) But, I proved I could do it (though with a little more effort), and today I will have another day off, DH jumped in and told them we had been 'taking it easy' on the booze, so he, bless him has set up the dynamic for me.

Baby you are having such a difficult time, but you do seem to have identified the pattern, I hope that will be an important step to getting back some equilibrium. Do keep posting, especially when you feel most down - difficult I know, but it is when you need the bus and us babes most, and we will be here. I don't have anything like the struggles you do, but I know I stopped posting with similar thought processes, I felt unworthy of support, life felt too dark to impose on anyone else. It was when I needed the understanding and support of the babes most, I should have trusted it would be here.

Day 1, drank nearly every day last week, about two glasses a night, more on friday. I'd be happy with two glasses if it wasn't every night but it seems like I can do controlled drinking if it's daily which I'm not happy with at all.

I wasn't planning to do dry January but I'm reconsidering. Sort of think it might be easier to have a goal of not drinking at all than constantly planning when, what and how much to have.

Hope everyone has a good day :)

Haven't been on for a few days due to other life things and so much as happened. Hope so sorry about your job - are you likely to be able to find another one in a similar field?
Baby here's to next year being better for you - the bus is always here.

Thanks you lovely people for all your support, it really means so much. So silly that I've been so desperate to come back on but felt I didn't really deserve all your support and kindness. If there's anyone reading but not posting please please come back, it's really stopped me feeling so alone with my thoughts and feelings. I'll never really understand why I'm different to normal folks that can start and stop at their leisure but It really helps so much to know that I'm not the only one!!!

Your an inspirational bunch, the best of the best xxx

babyj you are definitely not the only one!

Okay Babes we haven't seen wry for a few days - has anyone heard from her?

Babe Missing - description: kindly and warm-hearted, pongs slightly of horses and dogs, last seen eating a rowie

I have pm'd wry and got no response. babes, we have a babe down....

And on a serious note, think of Glasgow today and hold your loved ones tight.

ma I also sent a PM yesterday, no reply... Hopefully she's just so busy at the hospital

Stand down, babes. I found her! She'll be along soon to say hi.
Now, where are indie and mouse

Phew. Good work babes. Do we need a roll call?

Well I'm here. Obviously.

crikey thank heavens, I was about to don my Wonderwoman suit and search for wry and this is never a good thing, not these days....

You guys make me laugh xxxx

Next?

Me. You probably didn't recognise me with the beard

Me again....joins end of queue again like a Minion awaiting a kiss..

I'm here.

May I say how sorry I am to have worried you lovely folk.

Righto. Cards on the table.

My GP put me on fluoxetine to help me cope with things a little better, two weeks in everything got scarily worse. I lost who I was, I switched off my phone and laptop as I was so scared I'd post or text something which was out of character. My appetite disappeared, and I spent all my time off asleep. Apparently it was something I had to work through, and I'm getting there. Got a little scary for a bit though. Work have been very supportive, more than I ever expected.

hope I am so sorry about your job sweetpea, they are rotten buggers with their nasty hidden agenda, I could roar for you.

I'm awa for a proper read back through, back in a bit, xx