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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

exh has broken dd1's heart

70 replies

lou33 · 09/10/2006 11:21

by telling her he is now not coming back at all

his reason? he has nowhere to stay in the uk and is trying to make a new life for himself

now she feels he has cast her and the others aside for his 23yr old bargirl that he has knocked up

i am beyond angry with him

OP posts:
anniediv · 09/10/2006 11:23

lou33, don't know your circumstances but that is and . Poor dd.

zephyrcat · 09/10/2006 11:24

What is it with men????? How old is your DD lou?

NOMurDErousPLUME · 09/10/2006 11:25

Oh Lou, what a total and utter wanker.

Jesus. Poor, poor DD

eidsvold · 09/10/2006 11:25

oh lou - I hadn't realised this was all going on

so sorry for dd1

ghosty · 09/10/2006 11:26

Lou, I didn't know this either ... I am sorry for your little DD ... and you too - this must be heartbreaking for you too

Zippetydoodahzippetyday · 09/10/2006 11:27

The majority of men put themselves first. Selfish twats.

CountessDracula · 09/10/2006 11:28

What a tosser

zephyrcat · 09/10/2006 11:28

It'll take some time Lou but she will come to realise that it will all be ok because she has you and that's all that matters now.

GeorginaA · 09/10/2006 11:28

Oh lou My heart is breaking for her too. What a tosser!

Blu · 09/10/2006 11:29

Lou - really, really sorry.
How could he do that to his children?
Will you tell him she is broken hearted?
Poor girl.

lou33 · 09/10/2006 11:37

she is 14, and the others are 9 7 and 5

so he cant even be bothered to put money aside towardsa hotel or sort it with friends, he really is a piece of work

he told her he was back oct or nov see, but now from her pov, he tells us he has got his lady pg, and then all of a sudden he is not coming back

she says he cant love her anymore, that he will forget all about them

i have tried to tell her it isnt the case, but she has been all over the place this weekend, which has been doubly hard as it would have been my mothers birthday yesterday had she still been alive

i told dd1 that she is perfectly entitled to ask her dad questions if things are bothering her, and she should not worry about upsetting him as she needed answers from him

cheeky fucker also asked her to send pics over too cos his gf wants to see

OP posts:
zephyrcat · 09/10/2006 11:44

Lou my Dad did something similar to me when I was 12/13 - I found out through a friend at school who lived a couple of doors away from my Dad that he was moving to Australia to get married. He couldn't even be arsed to tell me himself that he was moving to the other side of the world with some other woman.

It was hard and it never really goes away but me and my Mum got through it together although I would never really 'talk' about it - there was an understanding that she was there if I needed her -hopefully it can be the same for you. She will get past it in time and as ahrd as it is right now she will soon be at an age where she can form her own 'grown-up' feelings aBOUT THE SITUATION and him and decide whether to understand why he did it, hate him for it, move past it etc etc

I hope that makes sense!

Blu · 09/10/2006 11:45

Apart from the horrible cruelty of all that, 14 is a very bad age for her to be dealing with all that from her dad.

He is unbelievable.

Letting her know she has the right to tell him what she thinks / make demands etc sounds good.

A piece of work, indeed.

zephyrcat · 09/10/2006 11:48

You could let her write him a letter and tell her that she doesn't have to post it, but something that will just let her get her feelings down and out of her system. Also I'd let her know that she can tell him no to sending photo's to his (insert appropriate name!) because I should imagine that will be making her feel pretty bloody angry.

Bugsy2 · 09/10/2006 11:53

Oh Lou, what a twunt your ex is! Grrrr, I feel so angry when I think how you and your kids were so good to him when he had that cancer scare.
I can imagine how upset your DD must be. She is old enough to have a grasp of the situation, without being able to understand how childish he is being.
I think you have to be honest with her & say that his current behaviour has made you angry, but that you will help her to come to terms with the situation in whatever way you can.
God, these stupid, stupid men!!!!!

lou33 · 09/10/2006 12:42

oh boy i just opened my hotmail account and found a lovely email fom exh, he really lives in his own world

lou, 7 weeks ago I sent you an sms, telling you I was sorry for being a twat for stalking you, and generally not letting you mover on.
I meant it, I kept to it.

When a man loses his great love he runs away.
I agreed to not get in an ugly fight over property.

I have kept to that promise, until today I haven't been near mumsnet or anywhere.

I knew about the soldier when i got back from Cornwall as dd1 told me.
since then I have blanked the net etc.

But after our tiny email exchange i have looked at mumsnet and to tell you the truth you guys should be ashamed of your racial stereo type slurs.

xx was never a bar girl, she makes tee shirts for 180 baht a day.

she is thai sure, but she is just another girl in this world trying to get on.
I love her, I loved you, I love my kids.
Stop the hostility.

You not are supporting my life style, my cards are maxed out, and much of that is down to your orange bills, and all the stuff like the laptop router you now enjoy,
although I tried to do was get a little starting up money, surely as you now have kept everything is that to much to ask?

What makes me laugh is how you all think xx will take me for everything, when you already have done that.
when I met you you were in debt, I helped you, now you have everything, you have just got petty.

what happened to you Lou?

you have what you wanted, so be happy.

xx and me are bumming around on peanuts, while I try and pay for baby scans and medicine,

she never asks for anything, so tell your mumsnetters to stop their narrow minded racial slurs .

I loved you, you will always be my big love, but now we move on, so ffs let us act like adults and stop mud slinging ok?

Btw congrats on passing driving test.

also don't cancel my life insurance, if I die you and kids get a fair slice of money ( and no i can't cash it in, it will be all yours).

LOL

he told me she was a bar girl, so if he thinks we are all racist then that's down to him, and the orange thing is when we were together , it was paid through his card, but i took it off and it hasnt been paid by him for ages

also i have thousands of pounds of debt in my name from our time together, so he can fuck off if he thinks i owe him a single penny

boo fucking hoo

i think it's creepy the way he insists on taking such an interest in my life

OP posts:
NOMurDErousPLUME · 09/10/2006 12:44

Where do I begin ???

NOMurDErousPLUME · 09/10/2006 12:45

Here is as good a place as any...

" I love my kids"

Way to show it.....

anniediv · 09/10/2006 12:45

Lou33 I shouldn't be laughing but....what an arse!

NOMurDErousPLUME · 09/10/2006 12:46

I love this 'when I met you blah, blah, bloody blah", like you were together for a year and cleaned him out. You were together for 18 years or something weren't you ?!

What a knob

unicorn · 09/10/2006 12:46

oh,lou..
don't let him get to you.. surround yourself with friends and family who support you, be strong.
(and believe me I know that isn't easy with kids involved)

xxxx

expatinscotland · 09/10/2006 12:49

'you'll always be my big love'

aw, geez, thanks!

where's the vomit icon?

is this guy for real?

lou33 · 09/10/2006 12:50

oh he doesnt get to me anymore, it's all laughable now

his whole world revolves around his poor me attitude

like i have anything to explain to him about my private life since we split

but in case he is reading this, my soldier came up at the weekend and we had a lovely time, and he will be coming back on friday

OP posts:
NOMurDErousPLUME · 09/10/2006 12:51

lol

lou33 · 09/10/2006 12:59

ill probably get a volley of texts and emails now for posting this lol

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