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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

exh has broken dd1's heart

70 replies

lou33 · 09/10/2006 11:21

by telling her he is now not coming back at all

his reason? he has nowhere to stay in the uk and is trying to make a new life for himself

now she feels he has cast her and the others aside for his 23yr old bargirl that he has knocked up

i am beyond angry with him

OP posts:
GeorginaA · 09/10/2006 12:59

Ex-Mr Lou: you are a nob. Show some respect and real love to your daughter... THEN AND ONLY THEN will you be respected in turn.

Original poster
lou33 · 09/10/2006 13:01

lol

OP posts:
joelallie · 09/10/2006 13:02

Hmmmmm... dopesn't answer the question about how he can abandon his kids and yet still love them sooo much. His girlfriends pregnant (don't see how calling her bargirl is racial slur) but don't his previous kids matter?

snowleopard · 09/10/2006 13:03

If he loves his kids, he should understand that showing them that love is about being there for them. His daughter is terribly upset, not about who has done what or who is to blame but because he has said he's not coming back. That is not very loving behaviour. if you have kids and you love them then I'm afraid your chosen "lifestyle" has to come second. One baby in another country doesn't mean all your other kids' feelings can be thrown out with the rubbish. He should be doing whatever he can to bring his new partner back here so he can be there for all his kids.

So sorry lou. But your daughter is lucky to have you and she will be OK in the end. I don't see my dad at all, he left when I was 17, and I am OK.

nutcracker · 09/10/2006 13:03

He is so similar in lots of ways to my X Lou, claiming to not be bothered about what I do but then checking to see exactly what I get up to.

So pathetic, and to do this to his own dd is awful, pathetic excuse for a man.

foxinsocks · 09/10/2006 13:04

omg lou!

he sounds so immature

Tommy · 09/10/2006 13:05

I'm just that someone who has 4 children can treat them like this (obviously he's treating you "like this" Lou as well but you know what I mean). I really can't imagine that you're swanning around spending "his" money on designer clothes and nights out more like clothes, shoes, food - that sort of thing?
(duh)

Have great fun with your soldier and I'm really glad that you have MN friends to share all this crap with.

Original poster
lou33 · 09/10/2006 13:08

i agree with everyone on here

nutty i told you they were similar

he'll have a hard time bringing her over here, seeing as i have no contact address for him to divorce his ass, and i dont think he will be able to bring her over otherwise,not that he has anywhere to stay, remember?

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 09/10/2006 13:18

Lou it sounds to me like you need to formalise something, what if he comes back and says the house is his and moves back in? Not sure you can stop him if it is in his name (I may be wrong), unless you have formalised that it is for you and the kids.

Is it in his name or jointly owned?

Bugsy2 · 09/10/2006 13:20

Oh Lou, can't believe he checks up on you via Mumsnet. My ex stalks me too, constantly asking about my love life, who I'm seeing, who I'm with, where I am and on & on & on. I think it is a control thing - they don't like to admit that they no longer have any control over what we do & it galls them - so they have a pop instead.
Not one single one of us made a racist comment - in fact I don't think that we were even aware she was Thai, from what you had written.
Funny isn't it how you post on here because you are worried about your DD, but he doesn't mention her at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ScareyCaligulaCorday · 09/10/2006 13:22

Good lord I had no idea this was going on, Lou.

LOL that men going through mid-life crises start invoking racial stereotyping imagery to stop any sniggering about their idiocy.

What a specimen.

Original poster
lou33 · 09/10/2006 13:23

house is in my name only

i cant formalise anything because he wont give me a contact address, so its wait 5 yrs to divorce

fucker

this is not the only site he has tracked me down on and checked up on me

also he knows stuff about me and the soldier that noone but me and him knew, so he must have been going through my private belongings when he was here last

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 09/10/2006 13:26

Well that's good news.

errr how could he agree not to get into ugly fight over property then? I mean oooh that's big of him isn't it given that it isn't even his house

Can you get him tracked down by an investigator or something?

Original poster
lou33 · 09/10/2006 13:28

when he came back int he summer he told me he had met this girl, she was 23, and a bargirl and thai, he had known her 3 weeks and he told me he loved her

i told him i doubt it was love but i was happy that he was moving on, but he was not to give her one penny from our kids mouths

but it didnt stop him from hounding me and telling me he loved me and still wanted to be with me

anyway he went back to thailand on 13th aug, and now she is pg, but i dont see why it should affect his kids he already has

when he told me i replied saying one thing, and that was lol congratulations sucker, and he got annoyed, lol

he told me i should be happy and to remember that it will be a brother or sister for dd1

dd1, no mention of the other 3!

its all a car crash of a life he is building, he feels he has to create another family to move on, hes going to ruin more lives

OP posts:
Original poster
lou33 · 09/10/2006 13:32

the house is rented, we had both names on the lease but when he came back to see the kids ostensibly for 10 days, he wouldnt go

4 weeks later i got the police to ask him to leave as he was drunk and intimidating me and the kids were crying and he was so awful in what he said to them about me

i rang the landlords and they took him off the lease, now he thinks it's illegal, but all i know is the landlords are a v professional bunch and he must have broken terms and conditions for them to be able to remove him, so he can kiss my arse really

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 09/10/2006 13:38

Lou be careful about that i don't think they can just remove his name from a lease. They would have to give you legal notice as joint tenants and then issue a new lease in your name I think. Double check with teh CAB or something just in case

Original poster
lou33 · 09/10/2006 13:40

it was up for renewal anyway, this is a big team of professionals who redrew it up under legal advice

OP posts:
Original poster
lou33 · 09/10/2006 13:41

i have a new lease in my name

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 09/10/2006 13:42

good

will he REALLY not tell you where he is? He sounds a bit mad tbh/

ggglimpopo · 09/10/2006 13:44

Message withdrawn

Marina · 09/10/2006 13:44

Lou, had missed the news about him and his pg gf, so very sorry he has upset your dd1 like this. Men really are idiots

SSSandy · 09/10/2006 13:44

He sounds a bit unhinged to me. Is he on drugs?

Perhaps the whole family is better off without him Lou at least till he comes to grips with himself better. At the best he sounds irresponsible and at the worst egozentric.

Original poster
lou33 · 09/10/2006 13:49

how ggg?

i was told if he doesnt provide an address i have to wait 5 yrs

OP posts:
Molesworth · 09/10/2006 15:55

all I can say is

pathetic idiot

Original poster
lou33 · 17/10/2006 20:47

oh man i am so beyond angry

dd1 just got a text from exh's gf!

telling her he was sad and cries every day missing her (what about the others?)

how dare she!

i sent her a message back pretty much telling her to fuck off

OP posts: