Sorry I made you cry OP, but maybe your situation is becoming clearer to you.
It's always clearer from outside (ie where I am) because you're in the fog of this and it is hard to see when you're right in the middle, what has been happening to you. Certainly you make it clear in your OP that you know something is not right, you just can't put your finger on it. This is you listening to your gut and your gut is right. Good, you still have that. But your lack of clarity shows that you have been worked on and conditioned to expect bad treatment and criticism, so much so that you are not sure what is being done to you and how bad it is. I have been there. You start to doubt yourself - he is whittling away at your self-esteem and your boundaries. Is this bad? Am I oversensitive/unreasonable/demanding? Maybe other people would think this is ok?
Pretty soon you're crying most days and don't understand why life is so shit.
I was in this situation before splitting up with my EA XH. I would say the single biggest factor in feeling able to kick him out, hire a solicitor and then buy him out was the fact that I had my own money and savings before becoming an SAHM.
He thought he should have all the power over money and what we spent it on. He seemed to think that me opting to be an SAHM was as if I had given up all my claims to being treated as an equal partner. That is absolutely not how I went into it, but it was as if he thought I had magically signed up to his rules! He certainly thought all his opinions about childcare were 100per cent right and that I - even as the one that did all the childcare - didn't know what I was talking about, and even worse - didn't really care about my babies!
It was so unbelievable that I didn't believe it. Not until life became pretty unbearable.
Having money, to misogynist nutcases like my XH, undermines their power. They can't 'get' you. I remember suggesting 'Why don't we do up the bathroom?' - a perfectly reasonable suggestion given the state of our bathroom at the time. He screamed me down. Screamed at me 'No No No NO NO NO!' We were walking along the street on a Sunday. My DC2 was about 3 months old. I mean WTF? I didn't scream back at him. I was really shocked. It seemed like such an innocuous suggestion. I didn't quite understand the level of pure emnity that was being levelled at me. I just said (about 2 weeks later when the dust had settled) 'Ok, I'll get it done and pay it out of my savings'. Which was what I did. The bathroom's much nicer. It cost a shedload as I just wildly picked stuff in the bathroom shop whilst holding the baby and not having much time. He never said a word in praise of any of it. It was as if he was pretending the bathroom hadn't changed presumably so that no possible credit could come my way. Quite bizarre. You could tell he was supremely angry about something, but what could he be angry about? - a nice new bathroom with taps, showers etc that worked and were safe for children. He made me pay for that bathroom in more ways than one, with his turbo-charged silence.
But if I hadn't had my own money, he would have made me beg him to allow me to spend it? Our money. Of course. He would have been happy then.
I've gone on a bit. Sorry. My point is, you must listen to that bit of you that protests when he treats you with disdain or worse. You know now what he is doing. And yes! you have told him you feel unsupported, you're telling him how you're feeling and Guess What - he denies it vehemently! Oh that's ok then. He's denied that you're unsupported. Phew - that's a relief - you were just beginning to think that he was being a shit - glad he's cleared that up.
Just be aware that he doesn't seem to have your best interests at heart.
This is a horrible realisation for you and it takes a bit of time to digest.
If you have a good relationship with your mother or a close friend, do confide in them. They may well have noticed stuff that you didn't know they'd noticed. And they care about your happiness and wellbeing.
Possibly a good test is to say to him you would like the childcare to be paid for out of your family income, not your savings which are being used up unnecessarily. This might be interesting on 2 counts 1) whether or not he agrees 2) whether you decide not to ask him because you are afraid of his reaction to your suggestion. If it's 2) then examine your navel and ask yourself if it is fear that stops you? Fear of what? Temper? A Row? Intimidation? Humiliation? Belittling? Criticism?
What do you think would be his response?