Husband goes out with his best mate/friends once a week. I prefer to stay home and read (not a big fan of going out). Usually he's had a few drinks but is still in 'talking' state if I happen to be still up when he comes back, or quietly takes his clothes off and goes to bed. Sometimes, and by that I mean maybe once a month or two, he comes really pissed and I hate it because he's illogical and stubborn like hell in this state, even though still no trouble other than a bloody strong smell of alcohol which I hate (smell, not alcohol).
A bit of background: his father was an alcoholic when DH was a child/teenager which caused many financial/psychological problems to the family. Father was also violent after he had too many so DH feels very strong about not wanting to become like him. I like to have a drink too but my maximum is 2 drinks (afterwards I will simply fall asleep and feel like shit the next day so it's not worth it). I am afraid of drunk people and don't trust them. They disgust me. Always been like that and DH knows it.
Yesterday DH went to see his best mate and promised to be back at reasonable o' clock as we had plans for the morning. I went to bed at midnight, he wasn't home yet. Woke up at 5am, he wasn't in bed. Got worried and went to check the living room. He was there, sitting asleep on the couch, all lights on. I wanted him to be more comfortable and get in bed so I woke him up. I wasn't even trying to sound like a loving wife as he reeked of alcohol and it disgusted me. He was really drunk, so much that he was mumbling and couldn't stand straight. I told him to get in bed in our spare room as I didn't want to share my nice clean bed with a beer brewery but he was bloody drunk-stubborn and decided to sleep in our bedroom as he always does. I got angry and started pushing him towards the spare room saying no way he's sleeping with me. He started pushing me back in defense. To his credit he wasn't aggressive or attacking me, just defending himself from my pushing him into the spare room like if I was an annoying fly. He's too heavy/strong for me to push him successfully and the bedroom door doesn't have a lock so I gave up. Took the duvet and let him have the bedroom, went to the spare room myself. I was so shaken I couldn't stop crying.
But when we were pushing each other I got a flashback of all these films, friends' stories and internet threads about drunk partners and of how I always swore I would not let myself get in that situation. I do not deserve that. I don't want to feel uncomfortable because some idiot had too much to drink. I will not enable anyone's drinking getting out of hand.
I think I'm just shocked at DH pushing me back as he would never do that when sober. Just to clarify: he was never (now or in the past) physically violent towards me and knows the second it happens (IF it was ever to happen(, I'm calling the police and getting a solicitor.
I haven't posted in AIBU because I don't feel U. I just don't know how to react in the morning.