This is along the lines of the porn ultimatum thread and I think the thread got me thinking about it, but now everything's gotten out of control. I have a similar boundary about something in my relationship where DH did it once and we broke up for a while and I was so upset that I thought I made it clear if he ever did it again then we would be over. (He didn't cheat on me, by the way.)
I mentioned the porn thread to him today and he was saying how he felt sorry for the OP's DH. I told him that I understood her position. That if she had made it clear and he had agreed and than transgressed that agreement out of respect for herself and her values, she should leave him.
I added "and the same with you and what we agreed when you did X." Well, DH hit the roof and accused me of threatening him. I said it is not a threat, just something I have been very clear on my feelings about and out if respect for myself I couldn't put up with it if you did it again.
He said "so you would leave me?" I said "yes. It's something I have very strong values over."
And he said "fine. I will not be threatened. I am going to do it right now and we'll see if you leave me shall we?"
I said "do what you want. I have made my position clear."
He then accused me of being controlling and superficial to throw our relationship away over something so small that he didn't even enjoy doing (he maintains that he doesn't enjoy it) That I would throw away a marriage and a DC over a scenario where right now he went and did what I didn't like would be the most pathetic thing ever.
We have left it with him saying he is going to do it, to test me. He has walked out of the house, presumably to do it.
I am in shock as we were laughing and joking about 3 mins before this came up. He is a great DH but seems very upset by what he perceives as this "threat."
What should I do or say now?