Narky NC SiL being weird again.

[KingJoffreysBloodshotEye]

Am NC with narcissist SiL. It's been lovely.

She text me yesterday saying 'Happy Birthday' and some bullshit about not having sent a card because she's been so busy and just hasn't had the time.

We've been NC since April. APRIL

WHY is she contacting me? And on my birthday? What kind of freakshow texts just to tell someone they were too busy to post a card? WTF?

Ironically the last conversation we had she ripped me apart for not sending a get well card to MiL who had a cold or summat. My job, clearly. Although DP got a roasting too.

Then she text today to tell me she's posted a gift. WHY? We haven't spoken since APRIL!

She knows this. No contact. I've blocked her calls, blocked her on FB, ignored and deleted all texts.

Has she just forgotten how she treated me? Has it escaped her teeny mind? Does she think I haven't spoken to her for 7 months because I'm too busy or something??

I don't want her gift. It'll be shit. She buys me utter crap and it depresses me. [Ungrateful Brat Emoticon] Contact hooks, napkins, wire... (seriously). Just don't want it. Can I refuse to sign for it??

I've got a fair bit going on at the moment and I could do with her just fucking off. I'd forgotten about her. What's her issue?

I feel sorry for her.

Then you be her friend.

I feel sorry for her.

Then you be her friend.

Quite!

Yeah, let us know what the present is tho I doubt you'll get a present anyway. As I said, I think the message was purely to let you know that she had chosen not to send you a card just in case you'd thought she's just genuinely forgotten. Or even worse for a narcissist.... just not thought of her at all.

Ah, we'll see.

If it arrives you guys will be the first to know!!

ahh it is quite clever isn't it? making a point, (no card just like mil) showing you how little she thinks of you and still trying to paint herself as the wonderful person for sending the present...

with respect to the present, do what is least emotional for you. opening and laughing about it may be the way to go but just getting rid may be better for you.

I'm totally emotionless in regards to her now. Am very detatched.

I delete her texts with as much interest as I show those wanky PPI ones.

This is her first contact in months and I was mildly baffled. And the psychology behind it fascinates me. It's not like dealing with a normal human. She's so odd.

I think that's part of the problem - it's not like dealing with a normal human. She sounds completely "other" which makes her reasoning even harder to understand.

Atilla - excellent post - I'm going to copy paste and keep it

I totally agree with the gift giving dynamic. My Narc sister would always ask what (we) wanted, then redefined it in a way that said she knew better what we wanted. I am a huge Poirot fan and asked for DVDs because I collect mystery DVDs (already had all of the Sherlock, Lynley, etc). She got me a subscription to Netflix, which wasn't bad in itself...I could watch gobs of Poirot...But I could not have them...which is what I wanted because I collect them.

I had tapered contact over a number of years. Then, for my birthday, she sent me (a little ironic here) DVDs of our childhood home movies (from the 60s/70s- not much survived according to my other sister). My counsellor said that was a tactic to remember how things were when I was a child and I should act that way again. Ha! The other reality was that I had faced the truth of our emotionally abusive youth (which she had not, even still?) and had come to the point of understanding that the past is painful for me and it is best (for me) to leave the past in the past. In addition, she said this was the first batch and she would be sending more. Because of the promise for more, I decided to return them and wrote that I was not interested in them, please don't send more. Through my other sister, I learned how offended she was and that she will never speak to me again! (I feel my luck, I assure you.)

I am not suggesting to try it, King. Complete radio silence is the gold standard. Just like she doesn't exist.

Another text. Telling me I should have received my gift.

Anyone reading probably thinks I'm nuts and SiL is so nice.

Aaargh! This is her game. Snipe snipe snipe. You don't realise you're being bullied until all of your self-worth has utterly eroded. She got me there before. I was suicidal after her last visit. Seriously. I was so depressed. And she knows it.

Going to contact my service provider once my phone is charged and see if I can block her texts. Can block her calls but there seems to be no way of blocking texts.

I can't go on like this. Have had a really emotional few days (have another thread on the subject) and could really do without this. The last snipe got me properly upset.

I don't know why she's doing this. She's won. Both DS and I can't bear to see her, we were both depressed and shaken up, DS is now scared of her. I can't even bear to read a text from her. Her number popping up on my phone makes me shake. She's run us down. She did it. She won.

What's the deal??

Ah, I've done it!

Some technical genius man on YouTube showed me.

Totally relieved!!

darling, change your number.

your provider will do it for free if you tell them about the harassment.

don't break

disgrace I'm gonna get my mother one of those, I think. 8 years. 8 bloody years. She tries to contact me via my little sisters who are 18 and can't understand why I don't see her cos she was a violent alcoholic neglecting gaslighting bitch and why I won't let her near my DDs.

OP You don't have to explain yourself to SIL or reply to her messages etc.

My mother will be, as usual, sending presents via my DSis, and this year, my DH -will be greeting them at the door, and removing any and all presents labelled "From Grandma", putting them in a cupboard and donating them to the local charity shop ASAP. DH doesn't want me to deal with the stress of it. Could you do something similar? --Although she will probably write "From DSis 1 & DSis 2" and then tell everyone how I take her presents but won't let her see the kids-

Sorry that turned into a bit of a rant

Strikeout fail.

Well done king joffrey, she hasn't won. Au contraire - you have de-weaponed her. Brace yourself for the flying monkeys - but remember, she has no say over you now.

I'd happily change my number if I didn't to change a load of cat tags and collars too. PITA.

I'd have to tell everyone I've changed my number and frankly can't be arsed.

She's totally blocked now so it no longer matters.

She did the flying monkeys thing. I had a thread on it.

My thread history must look like a bloody personality disorder textbook littered with animal pictures.

Forgotten what happened though.

I think she's just doing it because it's near Christmas and she wants presents or some company.

DP won't visit her without me, either. Finds it all too much. She knows that. He doesn't really like her much either. He's more used to her though, doesn't get upset by it.

I got my gift.

Several pairs of socks - nice, I like socks.
Some pyjamas which are 3 sizes too big.
Some chocolate coins - nice, I like them.
Some post-it note book mark thingies - I'm sadly one of those disrepectful skanks who fold the corners down.
A paint your own Russian Doll set - I do paint ( have a degree in art) and I am (technically) Russian. So it could be considered a thoughtful gift. Do have a proper set of genuine Russian Dolls though.
An eye mask. Which I already own. I was with her when I bought it.

Not sure how to feel really..!

Feel ... pragmatic.

use what you like, throw / give away what you don't, and block her number =)

She's put you through enough trouble.

3 sizes too big.
Bitch.

Narcissists are truly rubbish at gift giving as well.

Narcissists lack empathy, so they don't know what you want or like and, evidently, they don't care either; second, they think their opinions are better and more important than anyone else's, so they'll give you what they think you ought to want, regardless of what you may have said when asked what you wanted for your birthday; third, they're stingy and will give as gifts stuff that's just lying around their house, such as possessions that they no longer have any use for, or in really choice instances return to you something that was yours in the first place. In fact, as a practical matter, the surest way NOT to get what you want from a narcissist is to ask for it; your chances are better if you just keep quiet, because every now and then the narcissist will hit on the right thing by random accident.

For the receiver – they don’t experience the usual happiness that goes with receiving a gift. It becomes a deal they made with the narcissist, it is a gesture that you should be so thankful for that you should supply them with the adoration, power that they want and think they deserve. It is by no means a gift for the narcissist.

Honestly? Unless I desperately needed any of those things I would bin them, re gift them or pass them onto a charity shop.

I can't imagine anything in that parcel can be worth having a reminder of this person.

3 sizes too big.
Bitch.

Yes, she's very unhappy with her weight. She maybe a size 22/24? I'm not very good at sizing people.

She 'projects'. All the of fecking time.

I put on about a stone (maybe a bit more) when I was depressed. Lost most of it now though. I'm a 14/16, actually happy with it - suits me and her brother certainly isn't complaining. But she does like to go on and on and on about my weight and my eating habits.

Eating habits are a bit odd due to shift work - I'll happily eat pizza at 9am or Branflakes at 7pm if I'm working nights. I don't see the issue. Bothers her more than it bothers anyone else.

Oooo, and I forgot the Soap & Glory stuff...

Which I got her on DP's behalf for her birthday.

Then don't give her headspace and don't give her presents space in your home either.

Sounds like it's been working for you as a plan.

I'm keeping the socks and I ate the chocolate coins.

The rest can go.

I've already blocked her texts, calls and on facebook.

Do not worry - she has been de-throned!!