Being ignored by boyfriend

[St29]

For the 2nd time in 6 weeks my boyfriend of 4 months is ignoring me. I've done nothing wrong. He's just stressed from work, from his ex playing games with contact with kids, and a bad cold. Why do men think this us acceptable ?

I am worried that you don't really mean that the relationship is over. I feel that you're just trying to get control again and get it (temporarily) back on an even keel

Wow, I'm surprised it's you using that term hellsbells.

Yeah - I hate that word!

Yes vivacia you are prob a little bit right! but I can't keep doing this. He will spoil xmas if he does
it next month.
googoodolly no not heard back from him.

Yes, it's homophobic.

OP this is about standards and expectations, surely you can't believe that this is an acceptable way to be treated?

No I don't I am furious with him, I think he's so far up his arse he doesn't even realize what he's doing. I won't accept this off him any longer. We are over

It's emotional abuse and fucking childish at that. Do you really want to pursue a relationship with such an utter wanker??

I wouldn't ignore anyone as it's disrespectful. Do you want a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you enough to have the courtesy to speak to you or reply to your attempts at contact?

When we got together his ex accused him of emotional abuse now I wonder.. I can't believe he's doing it again. He needs me more than I need him

Just chiming in here, to agree with those that say don't bother to get the key back, just change the locks. Then you can be sure.

I may have to do that, as he's not responding anyway, plus he could have copies

'scuse me for quick derail but is "knobjockey" a homophobic term ?

St, next time do a massive swerve around men whose ex's are "mad", "twisted" or "unhinged" etc and pay a bit more heed when they say they have been badly treated by a bloke who comes across as ever so charming (at first, of course)

He will be calling you all those names when he reels in his next victim

en.wiktionary.org/wiki/knob_jockey

Goodness, I didn't know that.

With best will in the world op, you are entering into a power struggle with him. Yes, he's dragged you there but in such cases the only way is to detach and not play. That means not to play to win or to lose, just walk off the pitch.
The exes probably did do some weird stuff because they were driven to despair or exasperation by him. Think what you are experiencing then imagine situation several years down the line with more time invested or DCs, house, etc, etc how mad would you be then? What he is doing is stonewalling - very obvious tactic. You go mad trying to initiate conversation or closure until he has you on verge of insane frustration or anger. Then he gets to reappear calmly when he feels like it and ask all sweet as pie 'why have you got your knickers in a twist ST?'
You, being a normal kind of person, kind of see his point, and agree to not touch that issue/argument again as you have learned how he'll behave about it. He gets power, gets you to doubt yourself and gets you walking on eggshells = abuse. Simples really.
You honestly won't win so please, please don't try. Been there, got a drawer full of the t-shirts.
Try and buy yourself some instead

As an aside OP,why on earth has a man you have been dating for just four months got the key to your home?

dunfightin you are spot on thank you

stonewalling, or ignoring people for manipulative gain is the worst abuse tactic there is.

bin him for good, and make him stay binned. don't allow him an inch in your life.

I warned him if he did it again we would be over.and here we are again!

If you don't dump him then he will learn that you don't mean anything you say, and think that he will be able to get away with worse next time.

I had this. did it to me once, i told him I didn't like it, that it upset me and made me feel bad.

He did it again. I told him enough, and ended it.

He didn't listen then either, took 2 visits from the police to get him to stop texting.

This man is showing you that he will use any manipulative trick he can to get you to behave the way he wants you to, regardless of how it makes you feel.

He is a dud, and potentially an extremely abusive one. Don't do what you want to do here, do what you MUST do, which is end it. For your own safety, security and well being, there is no other option than to turf this guy out of your life forever.

Ignore this advice at your peril. It could result in decades of lost life, lost friends, you could be assaulted or worse. It takes on average 2 years for the abusers nice act to wear off, he can't manage to be nice for more than a few months.

I too have a drawer full of t-shirts and look back on a life where I realise that I have never known a proper loving relationship. I have a son who has an abuser as a father. I regret this. he deserves better. I deserve(d) better too.

Well got key back last night, despite him claiming he wasn't in lol. Pretty sure he's someone else but didn't have balls to finish it when I told him too

He's with someone else?? Sorry if I'm being dense.

I think so. Was going out to see kids last night but wasn't back by 10:30pm, and chatting to someone on watsaap all day so yes

Hissy, you will get there

There are some great men out there. Hang on.