so what do you and your dp/dh.'DO'

[StrawberryFULLMoonOWOWOWWWWWWW]

are you still all kissy cuddly?
have you been together long?
are you always having grown up cuddles?
do you both always say 'i love you'??

just wondering if im different from everyone else?

Oh Strawberry - just logged on and saw your posts. Had to reply even if I haven't got anything useful to add... I think I mentioned our "bad patch" earlier on this year - like you things seemed to go downhill after the birth of DD. As happy as she made us, she was a bit of a catastrophe for our relationship. We never really go out so I can sympathise with the not being able to talk on "neutral ground". The only reason I can be soppy is because we've had a good week after a bad nine month stretch. I've kind of forced the issue sex-wise (God - really should change my name but never mind ) - tbh I just jump on him whenever I get the chance (about once a month) and force the issue kissing and cuddling and holding hands wise (sometimes - when I don't feel like throttling him!). Can I ask if you've tried being proactive like that at all? Tell me to get lost if I'm being too nosy

FloatingHeadOnTheMed..we tend to bottle our feelings up..then i cry, he shouts when we get stressed

cashncarry , no i dont try to hold his hand or anything, in fact if dd asks us to i say i dont want to at the moment, so i suppose im also sending out hostile signals.but when someone doesnt listen or show an interst you do lose the will to be lovey dovey
after a silent spell since sunday afternoon, we argues on phone thru day then i thought i have to either get this back on track or walk away, i cant do this anymore and told him so.
so when he came in i spoke, like i say we havent spoke except argue since weekend, each word made me feel like i was trying to break down a mile deep wall opf bricks..he went to college, i aske dhim how it was, he spoke civilly, spoke to him down stairs again all 'tto' civil but at least it was tlaking, then this morn(after he slept in spare room again)we spoke briefly but nicely about dd then as soon as i mentioned about money, he went off on one about paying visa bill, me not taking respoonsability, me not showing an interest, you know when someone is just 'waiting' to have a go!

i cant f*cking win

are you still all kissy cuddly? Not overly, dd makes us cuddle before he leaves the house for work tho!

have you been together long? 18 years next year

are you always having grown up cuddles? More at the moment, because I am needing more reassurance after uping and moving to Oz (for this read "I am somewhat over emotional")

do you both always say 'i love you'?? Always before going to sleep, ending a phone call and in cards

Hi Strawberry - not to sound flippant but everything you said really struck a cord with me. I'm a "crier" too and DH is a "shouter" - it's hard to communicate when this happens - maybe when he starts having a go (e.g. with the visa bill) you should just walk away so that he's basically having an argument with himself!

I had to really switch my heart off to get through - sounds terrible but I kind of became a bit cold hearted - I would limit conversation to the niceties (sp!) and try not into situations where we had to spend time alone together. Sounds like the opposite of the advice I should be giving you but I found this gave me time and space to sort out how I felt. Going back to work was a real turning point for me - it reminds me that I have a future with or without him. I didn't mean to punish him but cutting him out like that but one of the consequences (he says!) is that he realised he was neglecting me and our relationship. I'm still not convinced about his sudden turnaround but we'll see....

You mention you have an issue with your weight - sounds like your self-esteem has taken a knock. Is there an event that's triggered this or is it a culmination of things - the birth of your DD, your relationship with DH? I'm no psychologist (!) but sometimes it can be helpful to trace your feelings to a source and then deal with how you feel about that particular thing.

I do think you should concentrate on YOU for a while though - sounds as though you need a bit of TLC and no one can do that better than you. Do silly things - go to the hairdressers, go shopping, spend some time with your mates. Do you get to do all this stuff? Maybe put your r'ship aside for a while so you can find a way to define yourself not just as a wife and mother.

I'm sorry if I've gone on a bit. Please feel free to ignore my advice if you feel it's not appropriate for you. I just feel like I have an understanding of what you're going through and I don't want you to feel alone xxxx

been together 7 yrs, married for 2 in feb.
always says he loves me on the phone, sometimes twice!
hes not very touchy feely but i am.

Hey strawberry - did you read my post. We aren't lovey-dovey - we've been together 19 yrs!! Married for 15. We used to be very very close and loving until the kids turned up and DH had a bit of a breakdown after his father died. Things have changed big time and we don't always get on that well even though we both love each other as much as ever...it's just harder to remember it. But we have to hang on in the hopes that when all the stress and tiredness of 3 young kids and 2 jobs is a distant memory we'll have the foundations of a good relationship to build on again. There are times when I wish he wasn't there TBH and I do wonder how it would be to be in a passionate relationship without all the problems, but fundamentally I know that we have a good thing...it just isn't a very good thing atm What we had is worth hanging on in there for.

I think that the sexual part of a relationship is one of the first thing to suffer - it's hard to open up emotionally and physically to someone when you never get the chance to relate to them easily and comfortably at any other time. Yesterday I had a row with my DD before school - I was quite upset about it and I wanted to talk to DH about it over dinner - DS#2 simply wouldn't give us a moment to talk. It's very hard to have a full relationship when work, kids, life insist on getting in the way.

Sorry this is so long. You're not alone.

CashandCarry, how on earth do you "switch your heart off"? We are going through an increasingly bad patch that just doesnt get any better and I seem to spend my whole waking time Crying. I would love to switch off but how?????????

Feel for you StrawberryFullMoon, we are exactly the same and it is so lonely..............

Been together 12 years (married 3). Say I love you at least once a day. Also yes to hugs. No kissycuddlyteenager stuff but we do squeeze/pat/stroke on passing each other/leaving rooms etc etc.

Hi hurtsomuch. Hope you didn't think I sounded glib when I said I "switched my heart off". Just to explain the context a little, I just found I was crying all the time (even when he wasn't around) and unable to carry on with normal "duties" - most importantly looking after DD. I had to find a way out and didn't want to go back on ADs so I would say (sometimes out loud!) to myself that he didn't matter anymore and that all that mattered was me. Sounds incredibly selfish and quite stupid when I put it in writing but I did slowly start to feel better.

I think I had to do this because my DH literally was my world - I don't have a family to all intents and purposes. So when he betrayed me (long story for another thread) I did feel like my world fell apart. I had to build another world based on me and what I wanted out of life. It feels more lonely sometimes but it also feels quite liberating because how my day goes doesn't depend on what his moods are, whether we argue etc. If he's upsetting/irritating me, I literally just "switch off" and don't force myself to spend time with him - do the washing up, clean the cooker, go on MN - anything to take the focus off him!!

Anyway, inside I still love him to bits and I'm still in pieces that he chose to hurt me the way he did. The difference is that I don't wear my heart on my sleeve with him anymore (God, I'm using a LOT of cliches today - sorry!).

I've gone on a bit hurtsomuch but I see you've got another thread which I shall go and read now. Hope I've made it clear that I'm not a robot - just someone trying to deal with an overload of emotions xxx

It doesn't sound right as it stands. The slimming class sounds like a good idea and it might help the relationships, if you feel better, look better etc.

No CashandCarry, not glib at all. Have read your last post and feel a strong connection with you. I too still love DH and can still hardly believe he would ever want out or stop loving me. I understand completely what you are saying but am not so able to shrug the hurt off IYSWIM. Thanks

thankyou for those posts cashncarry our lives seem very similar..i am also able to go into 'robot mode' as i call it!and thats one of the things he cant understand in me..i can do it when dd playing up too!

thankyou for all your nice words, i have alsways been overweight but lost an incredibal amount when pg, lost 4st within weeks of birth and felt great, then dp got made redundantand was out of work for 6 months which brought on several takeaways each week meaning weight piled back on..i do has history which is prob cause of weight and comfort eating, but i want to do something to feel better about myself so as not to have to rely on him or anyone to do that.

Together for 6, married for 4. Always kissing , cuddling and telling each other i love you. I would hate it to stop

been together 2 1/2 years... always call eachother darling etc., say I Love You ALL the time, but dont kiss/cuddle much anymore.

Hi Strawberry - am glad you posted 'cos I was wondering how you're feeling. Well done on losing that weight before - I know you've had a blip but the fact is you've lost it once so you can def do it again! Don't under-estimate how much your weight can affect your libido - I too lost weight immediately after giving birth and then turned into a heifer - can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times we did the deed in that first year (TMI I know - ).

R'ship problems are probably a bigger passion killer so don't beat yourself up about not being able to be proactive - I've just lowered my standards a little out of desperation!

Hope you're feeling a bit more positive now that you've seen other posters' background, advice etc. Hope you can manage to have that chat with DH - don't stop trying, as long as you think he's worth it. Just don't forget to try to make yourself happy while you're at it.

Gotta dash or will def get the sack.

yes, 5 years, yes, yes

thanks cashncarry

will put 'making an effort' on my to do list this weekend..se how it turns out

are you still all kissy cuddly? not much - he is more than me
have you been together long? 15y
are you always having grown up cuddles? not so much
do you both always say 'i love you'?? every day

no, 5 yrs, no and no

I have a policy of always giving dh a goodnight peck when we go to bed, even if we've had an argument. Sometimes, it's all it takes to fix it - dh has never rejected the gesture so far. Even if it doesn't, it means you've taken a step towards making up and less likely to carry on the next am. Hard when you don't feel like it yourself, but definitely worth the effort.

We've been together 12years and married for 10years.We cuddle every morning before we get up and at night when we go to bed.We say we love each other at least once a day.We speak to/text each other during the day.
If you met us,we don't seem like a really lovey dovey sort of couple,no public diplays of affection,but behind closed doors we are still very much in love.
Of course the children think it's "gross"

6 yrs together
kiss, snuggle up on couch
hold hands when out walking
say I love you often
Have to be touching each other when we sleep even if it usually just a foot

6 yrs together

Don't kiss or cuddle
Sex is a no foreplay kinda thing - down to me sadly
DH launches himself at me quite often in passing to have a grope - I smack his hands away in disgust and hurt his oh so sensitive feelings
We don't go out - either alone or together apart from Xmas when we go to work does separately.

We DO watch TV, share a bottle of wine and pizza, chat, sit quitely and contentedly together in silence not needing to say anything as we are very comfortable in each others company so it's not all bad.

i gave dp a kiss tonight for helping me do my business paperwork..it was nice