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Original poster

Lock on bedroom door?

96 replies

timefortea79 · 07/11/2014 17:53

So my DH has just come home with a lock to put on our bedroom door. It doesn't sit easy with me but I can't really explain why. He says it's 'just in case'. I don't think it's necessary and is just going to prompt questions. We have a 3 yr old and 9 week old.

What does anyone else think about this?

OP posts:

Joysmum · 07/11/2014 20:41

I relish time when I can completely devote myself to being husband and wife without being a mum all the time. We both gain from the lock and it feel sorry for anybody that thinks so little of their partner that they see it as creepy or something be fought or opposed

mouselittle · 07/11/2014 20:47

my parents (.M and SF) had a sliding lock on their door and various other rooms and I've always thought it was creepy. I knew what it was for and I used to get locked out for long periods so maybe that's why it's left me with a bad feeling.

MothershipG · 07/11/2014 20:55

Little bolt right at the top of our door since I haven't been able to rely on DC being asleep before we go to bed. It's saved everyone's blushes a couple of times.

But at 9 weeks post birth it's a complete waste of time I'd have thought!!!

alpacasosoft · 07/11/2014 21:03

Joys shove your face
I have been married for 27 years - no lock on the door, Dh and I agree on that.
Sex is normal and if my DC haven't learnt to knock on a closed door and wait then I haven't done a good job.

SolidGoldBrass · 07/11/2014 22:20

I don't think OP is necessarily being unreasonable (and nor, necessarily is her H). People have varying levels of concern about privacy, after all - and it may just be that OP grew up in a more 'open' family and H was more used to locks on doors.

But I would ask, OP - are you uneasy because your H tends to make decisions without consulting you, and expect you to accept his viewpoint unquestioningly?

littlesongbird · 07/11/2014 22:22

Ugh at devoting yourself to being a wife behind a locked bedroom door.

Makes me glad I'm not married!

Fwiw, it's quite possible to have a sex life without locking doors. Although for noise reasons I generally prefer to wait til we have the house to ourselves.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 07/11/2014 22:26

My 3 never wandered in the night except when the deed was warming up.

A large blob of vaseline on the outside door handle works a treat.

You do have to shut the door first

pinkfrocks · 07/11/2014 22:40

we have a lock and have had for years and years. It's not just about privacy for sex, but also when we want to flit around naked after a shower in the en suite and before grabbing some clothes and not be worried about teens bursting in. Yes, teaching them to knock is all well and good, but in reality that doesn't happen 100% of the time and it's the 1% of times when you wish you could lock the door.

RudePepper · 07/11/2014 23:05

You'll have teenagers one day - I'd put it on and get them used to it!

PeppermintPasty · 07/11/2014 23:09

Do people not walk around naked in front of their dc then...? Gosh.

PeppermintPasty · 07/11/2014 23:10

Oh, teens. Ok, but I think I still would, that would then absolutely deter them from bursting in

WineWineWine · 07/11/2014 23:17

I cannot remember the làst time I had sex under a duvet! I don't want to start now.
A lock seems very sensible. Just a simple bolt at the top of the door. My kids do not need to see what goes on in my bedroom!!!

knittingdad · 08/11/2014 05:05

People can be weird about locks.

My Dad has removed all the interior locks from his house - including on the toilets(!!) - because one of the step-grandchildren became terrified when he couldn't unlock the door a few years ago.

Personally I'd prefer to teach the children about knocking on closed doors, but we do always use a lock when at the in-laws (though that is more because the wife doesn't like being woken up by her parents in the morning!)

Come to think of it, I had to teach my daughter how to fix the lock on the bathroom when she managed to force the door open. Has your DH bought a very strong lock?

CariadsDarling · 08/11/2014 06:01

We have locks on the bedroom doors and always have done. It just gives a greater sense of freedom to the person behind the locked door and none of the children, I have 5 who are all grown up now, ever locked themselves in accidentally before they got older and started using them regularly.

My grandchildren have never accidentally locked themselves in a room either, not even at my house, and they also have locks on their doors. But even if they had it wouldn't have been a problem because they doors could still be opened from the outside anyway. Perhaps its having a lock on their door that prevents a child from playing with them, its there and its the norm.

Safety wise, it wasn't really a worry because our houses are built with safety in mind and we didn't have to worry about the children and the windows for eg because the windows and safety would have been paramount even if the bedroom doors didn't have locks on them.

Does having locks on the door mean a child grows up not knowing how to knock? No. We still knock on the doors when we approach them and only know if the person in the room has locked it if they have to come and open it to let you in.

I see nothing wrong with having locks on the doors but I think the OP's husband could have handled this a bit better.

Kelly1814 · 08/11/2014 06:18

I think this is a good idea, wouldn't bother me at all. Yes you can teach kids to know but are they going to do this every time? I'd be able to relax more with a lock.

And how long is it really going to be locked for unless you're sting and going at it tantric style?!

Unlock as soon as you're done. Simple.

Joysmum · 08/11/2014 07:03

We certainly taught our daughter to knock, and led by example as we knocked on her door and waited for an answer before going in.

That's easy, I'm not debating the merits of knocking because I agree.

In our case, my daughter walked in on us as she was feeling unwell. Yes, she forgot to knock as she was feeling like shit so it's understandable.

I've also had occasions where I've not knocked on my daughters room do to unusual circumstances. Not ideal I'll grant you but it happens.

There really are some very strange people on this thread

A lock prevents sex being disturbed, but more than that it allows you to relax and fully concentrate on loving your partner without worrying about the kids coming in. This means that each and every time sex is freer and more fulfilling and therefore liable to be more frequent and less inhibited

I'm glad we have the lock, I don't see it as sinister or an indication of shit parenting

MushroomSoup · 08/11/2014 11:31

I'd lock DH out and go to sleep!! not what he had in mind

GoldfishCrackers · 08/11/2014 11:58

Having a lock is not weird. Putting it on when you have a 9wo and are sleep-deprived could be seen as passive-aggressive. Is he whining about not getting enough sex? Is he doing his fair share of child-care and household tasks?

SuffragetteCity · 08/11/2014 12:28

This would not sit well with me in your situation. It is the fact that he didn't discuss it with you, and now there is this implied pressure that you'll be having sex at any given moment. The arrogance of that move would be an utter turn-off for me especially on top of the tiredness involved in caring for a small child and a newborn.

alpacasosoft · 08/11/2014 12:34

Not having a lock doesn't make me strange Joys it just makes me different to you !
We had a fire when I was younger and the idea of a lock freaks me out.
Every night I check that the front door is locked and that everyone knows how to get out.

Goldfish I agree- its the timing that's off and the lack of discussion.

Castlemilk · 08/11/2014 12:40

'Perhaps it was the lack of discussion about it'

yes, this. This is what is wrong. This is what is bothering you, what SHOULD bother you.

Locks on doors - fine if it suits you. Or not. Each to their own.

But - this is a decision normal people would take together. A normal situation would see Person 1 come home and say, I think a lock on the bedroom door would be a good idea, what do you think? And you discuss what you want to do with YOUR, JOINT bedroom door.

Here - Man of the House turns up with tools and lock and announces he is putting a lock on your JOINT bedroom door? Er, no. Ever heard of a partnership?

My reply would be 'No thanks, if we get a lock on OUR (that's O.U.R.) bedroom door, it will be because we've both discussed it and agreed that it would be a good idea. So let's park that idea until you can absorb the concept of discussion.'

My guess would be that it's all revolving around sex in some way and whatever aspect of that he is uncomfortable or angry with and doesn't want to discuss - so even more of a reason to push back and make your feelings clear - ie, that a change to your joint stuff requires talk and communication and agreement.

chansondumatin · 08/11/2014 13:17

Your H has taken a unilateral decision that you should be having more sex - which makes me a bit given you've got a nine-week old...

Iggi999 · 08/11/2014 13:46

I would love to have a lock on the door. I would use it to ensure I could have a cup of tea alone and that my lie-in wasn't interrupted by someone small climbing on me and grabbing my boobs.

Joysmum · 08/11/2014 16:45

A can appreciate that alpaca and your DH would know that a lock wasn't appropriate in your situation.

I'm wondering why you're taking my posts so personally given I've not referenced to anything you've posted about.

Purplepixiedust · 08/11/2014 18:55

What Castlemilk said.

No discussion. No lock.

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