How much contact is normal 11 dates in?!

[knowledgeispower]

This might sound like a ridiculous question. .. because it probably is!

So... I started online dating at the beginning of September and went on a few dates and the third one I met I started dating regularly. Its been two months since our first date. He works Monday - Friday 9-5 and I work part time and study so we both have busy lives.

At the start most of the contact was initiated by him and he would ask about a good time to call etc in the evening or making suggestions for dates. The majority of our contact was via email in the evening with maybe one call per week between dates at the weekend.

So the weekend just gone I was busy with friends and he had a family thing to go to so we didn't see each other. We haven't spoken on the phone at all for nearly two weeks. Email contact has been regular but we have both been busy. There have been no arrangements made for the next two weekends as he may have a friends birthday night out to go to either this Saturday or the next. Anyway he said we could amend plans at the last minute last week.

I really don't know what I'm asking but does this sound normal? Should I mention this weekend this evening when he contacts me? I could be making plans to do something with friends and feel like I'm just hanging on although not appearing needy.

Surely I shouldn't be over thinking things at this early stage?! Maybe the problem is mine?

*woos

No one is ever 'that busy' if you really like someone you make time.

This thread is confusing.
I was initially going to say, contrary to what everyone else is saying, I think he's behaving normally. It's only been a couple of months and he's busy. I was going to suggest he's maybe seeing other people, not as a negative thing (seems reasonable if you hadn't had the exclusive chat, though I see you have). Even so, not calling but regularly emailing hardly would ring alarm bells for me. You're still having regular dates etc.

The thing that does ring alarm bells for me is that you're worried about contact despite all of that. I'd understand if you literally hadn't heard from him for a week (although I actually don't think that's too weird after only a couple of months of dating if you have another date set) but he's been emailing. You haven't mentioned any cause for concern bar this so why has it got you so worried? Are you competing with some low self esteem, or similiar (not meant in a derogatory way)?

Maybe you're reacting normally, though, and I'm weird, because lots of other people seem concerned about a couple of missed phone calls?

Also- from a personal (not professional) perspective only, reconsider insisting on the removal of your implant. They take a little while to "settle" and the hormone levels reduce after a little while. It's only been 6 weeks!

And I would say we don't do it the american way. we're english and have our own set of rules.

If someone talks to me a lot, i date him and sleep with him i actually expect exclusivity, its not old fashioned its accountability. It's how it should happen unless you both agree to open relationships. Its not rocket science, its common decency between people.

What's he busy with though?

I am busy. I run my own business. I have 2 school age kids. I am a SP. I have hobbies. I run a house. And a busy socail life and an MN habit

I still have time to send a text / email saying "Hi OP How's your day going? Well I hope. Look forward to seeing you Saturday xx"

I can't believe he's so rushed off his feet 24/7 that he can't manage that

If that person is not with me, if I have to wobble and question whats going on I dump due to the fact HE thinks he can have all the candy in the store.

Working 9 to 5 and living with your parents is pretty un busy I'd have thought.

Anyone who lives with no mobile signal has a landline.

Funny thread?!

unfortunately its not a funny thread its a normal one in a throw away world where internet dating is in the mans favour yet again.

If they arent consistent
If they make excuses
If they go cold
If they do anything that doesnt sit well with you

DUMP

I'm busy too but I'd call whilst wandering round a shop or in a queue or commuting.

Is he on social media, does he have time for that? Tbh if they have time to email they have time to call

I reckon Tinks is right.

Tinks not that it matters because the OP has explicitly had the exclusivity chat but I don't think sex = exclusivity to a lot of people, actually. Men and women. And I dont think anyone is in a position to say how it "should" work. I expect exclusivity after it's been agreed upon. You're not wrong because I'm sure your relationships develop differently to mine and you're right to assume what you do with who you do but plenty of people are "decent" and go about it a little bit differently.

Morning all! Reading all this back it appears I got myself somewhat worked up last night.

I think I may have missed some points out. I'm happy with the quality of the contact and the frequency of dates. He emails me around the same time every night and if there is any reason why that isn't going to happen he lets me know. For example on Monday he went straight to bed at 8pm as he was feeling so rough.

Anyway the point someone made that it is my reaction to it that is the problem is quite frankly right. I will talk with him about my unhappiness regarding the lack of calls when I next see him.

I am seeing him this weekend

But he's not staying over as he's still feeling below par.

I would have the implant removed too as I was close to suicidal when I had one and I'm never usually depressed. I was an irrational, tearful mess for over a year. I still don't know why I put up with it.

However I wouldn't assume that all your unease is caused by your hormones. I was friends with my now husband when we started dating and we spent every available moment together because that's what we both wanted.

However I would have been tying myself in knots trying to be "cool" if I thought I was in any way suffocating him. Perhaps that's what is going on now.

Firesidechat. Thank you. I know my own body and when I look at the situation this morning very little has changed, just my reaction to it.

Dirtybadger I would agree. The previous man I was dating was calling, texting, what's apping, wanting to see me everyday. Telling me he wanted a serious relationship very early on. It turned out he was doing this to several woman as I was in town with friends and he was on a date with one of them. I told him to never to contact me again.

Yes self esteem is a major issue with me. I have played the 'cool' card to try protect myself.

Yes, if you are having a bad reaction to the implant then I would get rid. I'm not saying that will cure all your problems, but you can't solve any issues if you head is all over the place.

I realise that the implant may work for some women, but I would fantasise about dying when I had it in. Funnily enough I'm fine on the oral contraceptive.

And while I'm here, what's with all the ageism about parents and phones? I have a child nearly as old as the op's boyfriend, but that doesn't make me an ancient old crock. Yes we do have a landline, but I'm positively glued to my mobile and quite tech savvy thanks very much.

I still think something sounds a bit dodgy with him knowledge but good luck with the chat.

Yes I also had awful problems but with the pill so I know how horrible it is up one minute down the next, I would say definitely have it taken out.

hi knowledgeispower, I've just had as similar thing with a guy I was seeing. It all depends if you are happy with the amount of contact. I had been seeing my guy for a few months and had stayed over at his a few times during the week. Plus the odd weekend with an overnighter (he had his kids every other weekend) but we never spent any longer than a night/morning together. Then due to him seeing his kids/having a work trip etc one month, I didn't see him for over 3 weeks, even though I was happy to travel to him and then the first weekend he was 'free' (no kids), he was rushing around catching up on errands. Then he decided to book a holiday but went away on his own!! I didn't feel like a big priority understatement, so decided to walk away. For me, in the early stages, you should both be actively making plans to spend time together…hope it works out for you

Id rather hear a person's voice for 5 minutes than receive emails..I mean surely it would take longer to type out a message. These lazy forms of communication such as texts and emails. I hope he is a good man OP but I just feel that too often when a man is quite lacklustre and doesn't show keeness, women look for excuses when the bottom line is, if a man is happy and excited to have met you, wants a relationship then you will know it, because he will court you. Also, this thing about men being "busy" that I hear so often - whats the point of a relationship with a man who is (supposedly) too busy to 'nourish' that relationship? A relationship is also about companionship, it can't grow on lack of time and 'technical' communication. It certainly is a man's world...more and more it seems they don't have to do much, do they?

Emails? Hmm it doesn't sound like a very emotional relationship and tbh my first thought is that he's married.

Oh sorry just read more, why does he email you at the same time each night? Isn't it more normal to phone at the same time each night. Sorry it sounds to me like he emails you while his wife puts the kids to bed or something.