How much contact is normal 11 dates in?!

[knowledgeispower]

This might sound like a ridiculous question. .. because it probably is!

So... I started online dating at the beginning of September and went on a few dates and the third one I met I started dating regularly. Its been two months since our first date. He works Monday - Friday 9-5 and I work part time and study so we both have busy lives.

At the start most of the contact was initiated by him and he would ask about a good time to call etc in the evening or making suggestions for dates. The majority of our contact was via email in the evening with maybe one call per week between dates at the weekend.

So the weekend just gone I was busy with friends and he had a family thing to go to so we didn't see each other. We haven't spoken on the phone at all for nearly two weeks. Email contact has been regular but we have both been busy. There have been no arrangements made for the next two weekends as he may have a friends birthday night out to go to either this Saturday or the next. Anyway he said we could amend plans at the last minute last week.

I really don't know what I'm asking but does this sound normal? Should I mention this weekend this evening when he contacts me? I could be making plans to do something with friends and feel like I'm just hanging on although not appearing needy.

Surely I shouldn't be over thinking things at this early stage?! Maybe the problem is mine?

I have mentioned to him that exes of mine were 'glued' to my arse from an early stage and I grew to hate it and felt suffocated. He is very attentive when we are together and has given me no cause for concern in that way.

When it was my birthday a few weeks ago he went all out and we had an amazing time.

He is divorced and that's why he's at his parents. He's lived there for two years and he was divorced a year ago.

I know enough to know.

I just feel he thinks it would be unwelcome from my angle. Lack of communication is a big problem.

Then do something about it!

I doubt you are too busy to spend 2-3 hours every week one evening mid-week without him staying over.

Unless you always want to keep it as a date i.e. going out and you don't want to introduce him to your dd which is understandable.
Do you have childcare you can use? Going for a walk in the evening for me is good enough when I want to meet my bf and I am very busy.

I'm just being daft. He is really easy to talk to so I'm just going to speak to him later instead of being on here!

I think it's odd too. How much time is a quick call just because you want to hear their voice?

Yes I will have trustworthy childcare from next week onwards.

You sound absolutely all over the place OP. Why is that?

I'd say, dump him if you want a relationship and find someone else.

I don't really understand the point of this thread. Why ask for opinions then totally ignore them because they aren't what you want to hear?

I think he's lost interest. You're on the back burner.

I was talking to my sister about this earlier and I think it could be hormonal. I had the contraceptive implant put in 6 weeks ago and for the past 2 or so weeks have felt really low and moody! I've been to the doctor and my family and friends have agreed that I'm not myself.

I'm having it removed next week.

I haven't ignored anyone.

Well to go back to your OP, definitely ask him about this weekend, and definitely speak to him. Even if people have plans with friends/family they can meet up for a Sunday afternoon coffee, walk, drink, whatever.

Oh god here we go... OP, if a new relationship causes YOU any kind of anxiety get rid. If its you, work on yourself due to not being ready, if its him (which i strongly suspect it is) get rid of him.

If you register on the Land registry site you can download the title deeds to his parents house, which will state the ownership, costs £6

when me and my dp got together we talked on the phone all the time from the outset. Although admitted we were friends before we got together so perhaps there was more of a comfortable feeling there. but even when me and xh got together we spoke regularly from the beginning. Just emails is odd IMO, esp coupled with his having to climb a hill to talk to you. so presumably when he's out and no-one else is around?

After eleven dates (so we're talking a few months now?) you should have good enough communication to be able to tell him how you feel. I mean how do you get to a point in a relationship where you are sleeping with someone so exposing the most vulnerable side of yourself to someone and not be able to bring up the subject of communication? something is definitely amiss there.

Thank you Tinks. I was thinking along those lines... it shouldn't be this much hard work.

I don't need to do that Dave but thanks. I have several mutual friends with one of his brothers and they know the family.

There's nothing odd per se about just emailing and not speaking regularly by phone, there really isn't!

What's not right here is the change/ drop off in contact. And the lack of communication. I might not speak to my bf on the phone constantly (which apparently makes us 'odd'...) but I can, and do, discuss anything with him because one thing we are really good at is saying how we feel. After years of not saying how I felt in case I put a man off etc, being able to be open and honest is rather fab.

Now you are blaming your hormones for feeling that something isn't quite right ?

Bloody hell, patriarchy has done a number on you !

From what you say in your op, it could be three weeks or so before you next see each other. Added to that you haven't spoken on the phone either, I would say he doesn't sound very keen. I would expect you to have started to do weekend stuff together even if it's a friend's birthday.

OP, good for you though for becoming clearer about things now and it hasn't taken you very long either (spidey senses are working).

Thank you velvetspoon.

Anyfucker... its medical fact. If you wish to discuss it further contact my GP.

He's just emailed me asking if everything is 'okay' between us and have I gone off him? He also asked what I'm doing on Saturday.

What...your GP would confirm that you are blaming yourself for the shortfalls of men ?

That would be an interesting "diagnosis"

It seems all's well that ends well, anyway. Have a nice weekend with your bloke.

And lay off the self-blame.

Yes you could download the deeds to his parents house, if you're a big old snooper with no boundaries .

It's petering out I think OP. Sometimes things that start out great just lose momentum. Nothing you've done I am sure.

I know what you are saying AF believe me! I seem to have had an horrendous reaction which in recent times is not uncommon as they have changed the balance of hormones in them. It means I'm letting things get on top of me when normally I wouldn't give a shite!

Yeah I guess. He just admitted he's been lazy with the communication since our last date. Hes apologised and said there have been a lot of things going on at work which he'll fill me in on over the weekend.

Oh just read your update. How convenient that he emailed you just in time to prove everyone wrong on the thread. Good luck!