motivation/ encouragement needed to quit drinking for November

[Feckinlego]

Hi guys, would really love your help. For the past year I seem to have gotten myself into the bad habit of drinking 4-5 nights a week. I'm drinking 2-4 bottles of wine per week, far too much!
A bit of background, we'll I've 2 children age 1 and 7, and an amazing dh. I work part time, 2 nights per week. Me and dh work opposite shifts so dc don't need childminders. So I'm on my own a lot with the kids.
Reasons I give myself to dtink:
Stressful day with dc
Going on nights the following night
finishing nights for the week
weekend
big one- to avoid dtd with dh(sexdrive completely gone after last birth though was never great)
for the past few months I've been having periods every 2-3 weeks, with resulting horrific black moods, to the point I'm wondering if I'm actually depressed.
I'm functioning ok, house clean/dcs fed dressed played with etc. Dh doesn't think I have a problem but I do, so I thought I'd start with a month off to see how I get on.
any advice greatly appreciated. I'm off on to work but ill try post when I can xx

Thank you 70. Yes I've lurked a bit on your thread (well done and happy birthday btw). I started my own thread thinking I could just cut down for a bit and be fine, I'm realising now it may not be possible to go back to drinking. I'm not sure it's possible to go from having an un healthy relationship to a healthy one. I'd love to think it is, but I think I'm fooling myself.
I'm so sorry, it could just be this awful awful pmt making me so down . you're all doing so well and sounding so positive, I really hope I haven't dragged anyone down with me

Hi all.

70hours I frequently read the Brave Babes and Dry threads. They are very inspiring, but I don't intend to become dry so it would be misleading of me to post on the Dry thread I think, they are really intent on abstinence. Brave Babes doesn't seem quite right for me either, as that seems to be a thread for a gang of posters (in a good way) keeping up with each others progress. I have a goal not to drink until Christmas Day, so this thread seemed appropriate to join as a kind of one off? Well done to you btw, I've been following your progress (ha ha, that's a bit stalker ish..)

Feckin keep going, take one day a time, you're doing well.

Day 5. Yay! Sleeping better, feeling better, looking better. I hope my determination carries on with the ease it has done so far. Sadly I don't think it will, I just have to be determined not to crack.

Have a good day everyone.

:)

Well done to you all - you all sound like you're doing great - I am still not sure if I want to be dry or not - but at the moment I just don't want to drink -

Hi bowlers, you're doing brilliant well done. You sound in a good place.
70 you sound like you're in a place I would like to be, like you're in control. Hope I can get there someday.
Bad mood and all that I'm in, I'm fine with not drinking. It's like I just accept it's not there. Long may that feeling last xx

Hi everyone. Long time lurker on Braves Babes and Dry threads. I need to moderate my intake. DH does not really drink and it's been an issue between ever since we got together 15 years ago. We are currently having couples counselling for that and many other things which all came to a head this summer. I probably drink 20 - 25 units a week. I usually try to have 3 to 4 days a week without anything but that does not always happen and apart from a week of in September due to antibiotics, I have probably only had 1 day a week off since July. If I'm at a party or at friends for dinner I would definitely have a bottle to myself. At home during the week if I have anything I never only have 1 glass, usually 2 sometimes 3 (not large though).

Anyhoo, last week I was away for a few nights and had over a bottle of wine each night. So, since Saturday I have had nothing so that's 5 nights chalked up. I do not intend to give up, but to curtail my nonsensical weekday drinks which are totally unnecessary and just habit. I'm out tonight and tomorrow so will definitely have a few glasses both nights and maybe a pint at the pub on Saturday before fireworks, but intend that to be it.

Also trying to drink more water and get back into my exercise routine. I eat healthily so the vino is my only vice!

Good luck to everyone :-)

Another one cheering you all on, I'm a sometime-poster on the Dry thread. :) I can completely understand the fear of stopping - or the desire not to 'go there'. Even six months ago I couldn't even contemplate stopping and would have needed an enormous amount of strength and willpower to stop for even a month. Yet I was secretly lurking on the Dry thread for months on end, convincing myself I was just randomly enjoying reading others' experience whereas clearly I was mentally preparing myself somehow for "the decision".

Yet here I am approaching four months without a drink, and loving the decision. I don't go to AA; I just don't think it's 'me'. Since the thought popped into my head "what if I just..... stopped?" it's been like the scales have fallen from my eyes. I was drinking less than many of you here, but it's more how I felt about it that started to trouble me. As one of the blogs says I was "tired of thinking about drinking". That's why I don't want to moderate. If you just stop completely (and yes, I know it seems undesirable to do this!) you never have to think "shall I or shan't I?". I was starting to get anxious at the prospect of a heavy night.... what will happen, will I moderate, will I say something I regret, how shit will I feel the next day? Why do I drink faster than my friends? How quickly can I order another glass of wine without looking like a loser?" All those thoughts, the constant internal booze chatter, just Go Away.

We're all on our own journeys (of course), and I wish you all the best, whether this period of abstinence leaves you wanting to moderate or to stay off it. Life without the booze doesn't need to be a life of hand-wringing misery though, actually it can be bloody great.

Something that really helped me in the early days/weeks:

• don't feel guilty about having treats in the evening. When you stop drinking you may start to experience sugar lows as your body is craving the sugar in the alcohol. I did lot lose weight as I thought I might - but a few weeks in I felt able to let go of the treats and went onto a 14 day juice fast, something I would have dreaded before as I would have been unable to drink during it.
• read as much as you can, there are whole movements online of people experimenting with going alcohol free. It's not quite the dry AA landscape it used to be. Try googling Soberistas, Mrs D is Going Without, the Jason Vale book (great for reframing what we think about booze), Sober is the New Black.
• early nights, baths, reading, bed... a bit of self-care can work wonders...!

Good luck all. X

Hello chanfegonna, you're welcome. You sound like me in that your drinking has escalated over the summer. I put it down to Sumner hols etc, and I did cut down a bit come September, but what you said about the nonsensical midweek drinking struck a chord with me. Best of luck to you xx

Sorry teapot dictator, crossed posts. Thanks for your support. Your words are very thought provoking, you described the internal struggle to a T. I'll definitely look up those websites. Thanks a lot xx

Thanks Feckin :) It's sad that one of the main things putting me off stopping was what people might think about me, what does that say about me? Somehow we think it makes us look weak if we need to stop completely, because that means we're addicted and therefore we're a loser. So we battle on trying to moderate, trying to look in control, even if we don't feel it...

I promise I'll stop posting now - but this was something I listened to in the early days and it really resonated with me. In fact it made me cry.

Thanks for the support teapot.

Feck - I always drink more during the summer due to a combination of long distance family visiting, holidays and warm summer nights sat in the garden. I think the reason I've not managed to curtain the weekday drinks of late is that I've been feeling quite raw and at the edge of my emotions because of the counselling. It's a journey and also obvious to me that drinking daily or almost daily does not help.

I feel great this week and have broken the cycle. From here on I should be ok but just need to keep mindful of myself :-)

Hi everyone, I'd like to join you too. My alcohol consumption has crept up to 4-5 bottles of red wine per week. I've been using wine to wind down in the evenings and it's now an almost daily habit of 2 or 3 large glasses which soon adds up.

Time to address the issue. My relationship with alcohol is not healthy at present and needs to change before I do long term damage to my health.

Will have to find something else in the evenings to relax.

Thanks again teapot. I'll watch that video, maybe not today, but I will.

Good on you change, the cycle is broken . It's scary how it creeps up unawares. If I get through this month and go back to alcohol ill have to draw up a plan or something, and stick to it.

Welcome Iamso , hopefully we can all help each other along this month or so xx

So many new posters, great! Nice to meet you all

Like you, 70, I don't know if I want to be dry; I just don't want to drink at the moment.

My problem is binging. I can go fine without drinking for days, but when I do, and I'm at home on my own, I have far too much (at least a bottle, usually). So doing that once or twice a week is obviously horribly excessive.

Fecking I've got the PMT blues too. Have had the right hump since yesterday, largely because of work colleagues being complete nobbers at the moment.

But I did make it to spin class last night! Loathed every minute, as usual, but the people are so nice, and it's such a small group that one's absence is noted, that I think that will give me the motivation to keep going. Didn't stop at the chippy on the way home as I'd been pondering beforehand, as my face was far too sweaty and red!

Hi, everyone!

Just checking in as my lurgy has lifted (brief cold, I think). I've not had a drink this week.

I decided not to join the Brave Babes or Dry threads, as I'm not battling a strong urge/craving to drink. I just need to stop pouring a drink (which all too often became drinks plural) nearly every evening, ie get it before it's a problem. I used to go weeks without any alcohol, so it was a bit of an eye-opener when I realised how things it had changed. I'm hoping a few weeks of really paying attention to how much and when will make sure it's not a problem.

Hi girls. Glad you're feeling better auntiestella. I'm with u on the getting it before its a problem. I need this month to see if I've caught it in time.

Go you on the spin class corky! Took me to 1 Pm just to have a shower today. I'm not good company today

Lol Auntiestella - what kind of people do u think are on brave babes - worse than you - no -just the same as you -

drinking a bit too much a bit too often - not trying to be controversial but the brave babes is all about people cutting down - mmmm same as here - but any thread tackling problem of drinking too much is obviously great and which ever one you post on is obviously your business - but don't be put of thinking your problem isn't big enough - if it is becoming a problem for you then that's enough and it sounds like you are concerned about your drinking which is the same as all the other posters -

70, I totally get what u mean, but we're where we need to be, for now. Some may look to join the babes, some may not. We're just trying to tackle our drinking and see where it takes us xx

yep. I like it here

I'm really sorry that I wrote so badly that my post was interpreted as a criticism, either of those who are seeking stop drinking entirely (Dry thread) or change their consumption in the long term (Brave Babes).

I saw myself as doing something different (six week modification), not better not worse. And I certainly meant nothing about 'what kind of person'

I'm sorry that I got all this so wrong, and am seen as judgy.

Wishing you all, on all three threads, well.

I know where you're coming from auntiestella, I'd imagine we all do. If you're like me you're not ready for all that. It's not denial, it's baby steps. Hope you're going to come back . Nobody's judging anyone, sure we're all in the same boat, just muddling along. I know this thread is helping me this week, and I for one will probably need it more in the coming weeks.

AuntieStella-stay here. This thread for me has a specific goal, as stated in the thread title. It's different from the other two long running threads. Sure, it may carry on if posters like it, but that wasn't the initial aim. There's nothing wrong with being on this thread at all, keep posting.

Sorry :(. didn't mean to stir up trouble. AuntieStella don't like miserable people like me send you off a thread. - ! Sorry again. I promise now to only lurk and cheer you all on from the sidelines - keep going everyone nearly a week :)

Well said girls! Appreciate your support 70