motivation/ encouragement needed to quit drinking for November

[Feckinlego]

Hi guys, would really love your help. For the past year I seem to have gotten myself into the bad habit of drinking 4-5 nights a week. I'm drinking 2-4 bottles of wine per week, far too much!
A bit of background, we'll I've 2 children age 1 and 7, and an amazing dh. I work part time, 2 nights per week. Me and dh work opposite shifts so dc don't need childminders. So I'm on my own a lot with the kids.
Reasons I give myself to dtink:
Stressful day with dc
Going on nights the following night
finishing nights for the week
weekend
big one- to avoid dtd with dh(sexdrive completely gone after last birth though was never great)
for the past few months I've been having periods every 2-3 weeks, with resulting horrific black moods, to the point I'm wondering if I'm actually depressed.
I'm functioning ok, house clean/dcs fed dressed played with etc. Dh doesn't think I have a problem but I do, so I thought I'd start with a month off to see how I get on.
any advice greatly appreciated. I'm off on to work but ill try post when I can xx

Thanks Feckin, I'm not sure if they noticed or not. They probably just think I had a hangover from Saturday!

I've not mentioned the recent blood test results I've had to my parents, my mum would be worried and also give me a lot of advice which would be well meaning but not particularly helpful. She would also probably be critical when I had a slip up, so I'd rather go it alone (with you lovely lot) for now.

Amsingle have you replaced the alcohol with anything else? Are you drinking something with sugar in it or treating yourself because you're not drinking?

When I was pregnant I took to chocolate to replace alcohol, and now I'm drinking again I still have a really sweet tooth!

Not sure who it was who mentioned a supply of nice things to drink but that's a great tip. I sometimes end up having a beer because it's in the fridge and I'm thirsty and want a refreshing drink. Not sure what would be good and not too sweet as a replacement, preferably without many calories!

Am dead boring elvish. I drink black tea and black coffee. I am no longer having the nibbles that go with a drink. The only thing different is 3 meals a day. Rather than coffee and 2 meals.
Regarding tiredness, I wake up completely bog eyed every day. Goodness knows why!
The absolute best thing, is that my 14yr old daughter regularly says, "it's brilliant now that you're not drinking mum, coz I don't have to try to wake you up when I'm going to bed"
My liver isn't sore, my face isn't red and swollen. I can put up with not having lost any weight, as all that far outweighs it.
Good luck all. The first week is the hardest.

I used to love a big pot of tea of an evening I must try that again. I'm not fond of fruit juices etc, wonder does grape juice taste like wine?(hopeful). I don't have a sweet tooth at all and I rarely snack, so I struggle to find 'treat' replacements.
God amsingle, that must have made u feel so guilty when your dd said that. Mine are young enough to think nothing of it. You're doing brilliantly. Don't worry about the weight, u can't do it all at once.
I'm with u elvish on not saying anything to family, I couldn't bear them watching me and worrying!
Finished work til next week so it's time for the struggle to begin. I'm quite looking forward to it now I have u lovely lot as support!

Well, had a really good night's sleep. Woke up feeling refreshed. I am now at work.
I know that bog eyed feeling only too well amsingle. I also only drink black coffee and do not have a sweet tooth. I only want to snack on nuts and crisps when I have a drink so hoping no drink and no snacks will shift the weight.
However only day 1.

Morning. You sound upbeat OP, I think you'll do this.

Amsingle, I have teenagers too, and one of the reasons I am determined to keep control of my drinking is that I don't want their childhood memories of me punctuated with images of me slurring etc, after a bottle or so of wine. On the whole I have managed that successfully, but not totally, recently. I'm too old now, not to have total control .

Anyway, resolve is high - but it's only Day 2!

I'm starting properly today!

I downloaded the Drinkaware app, and to explore it I put in for last week the amount I think I should have drunk. That was within 'healthy' but still added up to 2.5 burgers (aagh). I daren't put in what I really drank.

But I am feeling virtuous and motivated as I've just set a load of 'no drink days' as goals for this week.

I'm really depressed today over all this. Just used that calorie thing for what i drank yesterday. 3.2 burgers.
I have to stop.
My partner didn't used to drink much and now come Wednesday we share 2 bottles of wine. Same on Thursday. Way more on the weekends and then some Sundays. I hate it :( I'm so depressed about my weight, money, hangovers, I just want it all to stop. my children have seen their mum drink way way too many times.
So my goal this week is to get to Friday. I'm not strong enough yet to promise to stop permanently but I'm hoping the more days ican go without, the easier it will become.
I will keep posting here, i need the support.

Choochoo you're doing really well to recognise the problem to start with. Will your partner support your efforts not to drink and join in with your abstinence during the week? That can help.

Yes I think he will. I'm scared of admitting to him how desperate I am.
He'll text on weds about shopping and mention wine, my job this week is to say "let's not". He won't mind at all. While he loves a drink or even to get drunk occasionally, he definitely isn't aproblem drinker. I am and i know he'll support my decision, it's just hard to admit. Feeling very low, will be better after a night not drinking!

Choochoo, I could have written your post 12.35. I feel like that. Let's try to get to Friday.
I feel god today after having a booze free night last night. Had 2 bottles of wine on Saturday and wasted the whole of Sunday just doing "enough" to get the chores done.
Hope my DH has not gone to the shops. He said there was an offer on with vodka!! He likes a drink to unwind, but seems to be better at controlling it.
Plus he doesn't have my weight problem.

Thanks for the welcome feckinlego. I'm not sure how long it takes tolerance to go down really, I remember quitting for about 3 weeks a while back and found a glass after that made me tipsy. Didn't take long before a glass had no effect at all though.

One of the things I'm struggling with is having nothing to replace alcohol with as a treat. I really don't enjoy sweet food with the exception of a biscuit once in a blue moon. I am hoping I can put away some money by doing this though to afford extra gifts for christmas.

Yesterday though, I picked up a sketch pad and pencil for the first time in years, shocked myself as I used to be very good but now it appears I may be even better despite not practicing. Was really really pleased with what I did and my DP was shocked (probably because I drew him ) . Think this may have to become something I do every evening as it fills the time and looking at it when it's done is really pleasing. Much more so than looking at another empty wine bottle!

Hello, please may I join you? I have zilch self control with drinking. None at all although I rarely get drunk. I've recently stopped drinking wine as much because I feel as though it's begun to affect my weight and make me puffy. Instead I have been mostly drinking really weak gin and slimline. However, sipping isn't so much my thing and they vanish far too quickly.

My DH is a heavy drinker but has recently been having more nights off and I'm ashamed to say I don't do the same.

So I need motivation, shaming and a public confessional. Am going away for the eek end so will have a few then but in all honesty I drink more and more quickly at home than when out.

Please kick me up the bum < though not too hard please! I have a severe and chronic back injury>.

Hi everyone. Just up out of bed after night shift, tonight I'd usually have a full bottle to 'help me sleep', but not tonight. Think I'll be ok, though I may not sleep tonight. I'm trying to tell myself that won't kill me.
Most of u sound upbeat and that's good. Overslept, that's lovely to hear about the drawing, it may well become your new passion and crack the cycle. I can't draw a straight line,but maybe u could use it to express your emotions or something?!???
Choochoo sorry you're felling so low about all this. You're being very hard on yourself. I know sometimes that can be helpful, but you've recogbised a problem and found some support to help cut down so that's something u have already achieved now already. You don't have to tell your dp all at once (I'd need a drink for that), but tell him you're cuttting back for now and ask for his support. Always sorry you're feeling down too, hoe dp hasn't boyght that vodka. It's almost impossible to resist when there's drink in the house isn't it? I'm really dying to ask about the offer on the vodka but I'll resist!

Matilda welcome. No kick up the bum from us, sorry. But a push in the right direction maybe? Save yourself this week for that weekend away. You'll feel great.
School bus here so back to real life for now, chat later xx

Hello there, may I join you too? Been drinking far too much/often lately and feeling and looking crappy a a result. I live on my own, so with me it's totally down to boredom/loneliness. I'm fine when I'm drinking with others; can regulate my intake.

I have hobbies to distract myself with (crochet, cross stitch) but have been getting out of the habit of doing them. Must get my enthusiasm back!

Anyway, it's nice to meet you all

Thanks so much, I really want to use you lovely people to help me! It's a bit overwhelming but so comforting to know I'm not alone.
I've felt ill all day, stomach ache, it's bound to be drinking nearly two bottles of wine isn't it! Who does that! On a work night!

I love exercising so will focus on that.
I'm feeling positive for the first time in months.

This thread could not have come at a better time. I woke up this morning resolving to cut back (but hopefully give up) the wine after a truly terrible weekend. Utterly ashamed of myself. I must do this - have thought about posting on the brave babes or dry threads but have always bottled it. This place feels less scary

I'm sat here still getting upset about this. only got paid on Friday and I'm really stressing about how much will go out of my account this month. If I just knocked the wine at home on the head, that would probably be 20 a week. That's appalling, so I'm now beating myself up for being a shit mum. I'm just on the come down from too much last night, I'll get a grip tomorrow I swear.

choochoo you can't change what you've done in the past, stop beating yourself up about it. We've all been there and would change the past if we could. But you can change what happens in the future. Stay strong, we'll try and do it together.

Yes choochoo instead of focusing on the past think about all the lovely things you can do with that £80 + a week from now on.

I have also been thinking about all the things I can do with my free time that I won't spend drinking - like doing a face pack, painting my toenails requires a steady hand ,chatting to friends on the phone.

It's all good. Just think about that.

Evening all, nice to see some new posters joining. How's everyone been today? I've had a good day but loooong. No booze this evening and I've got a jacket spud in the oven, so definitely not going back out again!

Choochoo I know EXACTLY how you feel. I got paid Friday too and am determined that I'm not frittering it all away on booze. I'm currently paying debts off @ approx £300/month but I coudl do it so much quicker without wasting another couple of hundred a month on bloody alcohol!!!! You're absolutely not a shit mum though. Everyone needs treats - we just have to accept this particular treat is too costly for our purses and our health.

I'm planning on having a bottle of wine over the weekend - just one - over Fri and Sat nights and it's going to be a nice one - a £10er or so. So it's a real treat!

Hey thanks again. Like I say I'm on amassive downer, that's due to the drinking yesterday. No one ever wakes up after a booze free night and thinks "I wish I'd got pissed last night" do they? I'll be fine once the fog has lifted.
I've just done the shopping, didn't buy wine, but never do on Monday so not really an achievement. Looking forward to waking up clear headed tomorrow.

My plans are at least until Friday drink free. We may go to a wedding reception Friday, but if we don't I'll try having a sober Friday. Saturday we have a big thing planned. I'm Not even pretending i won't drink, but I tell you something: since I first posted yesterday, this thread has been on my mind and believe it or not made me drink less last night. So I'm really going to try and be mindful. For example this event we're going to, we'd pick up a bottle of wine for afterwards even if we didn't go home until 11. No need!! That's when i end up feeling so bad. Damn lovely wine.
So yeah, I'm just gonna think positive, each day at a time, and keep posting. So many familiar stories on here - we can all do it!

Evening all. Hope everyone is feeling good and positive for the evening ahead.

I have a challenging weekend ahead too, going to London on a girly theatre trip. 2 night with no kids or anything to do other than please ourselves. It'll be the first time I've been away for more than a night since DS was born and I'm really looking forward to it.

But usually when we do these trips we drink a stupid amount....

So, I may have to let people know I'm cutting back as it may well be less stress than trying to hide it - which isn't going to be possible anyway!

Of course the other option is just to drink as usual, but I actually don't want to do that.

So, I think I need to set myself a limit to stick to. Something more realistic than nothing but not so much that I feel like I have let myself down....

Hi guys. Welcome prune, like you I wasn't ready for the brave babes. This is more a see how we go thread, hopefully this is all we'll need.
yes the amount of money spent is ridiculous, I hadn't really thought of it as much but it all adds up. That's another incentive!
Welcome corky, glad to meet a fellow crocheter! wish I could slow down my drinking when in company, I get out so seldom I'm like an animal let loose! I've recently started going out with a group of mums, they're all so reserved in their drinking. It's one of the reasons that prompted me to cut down.
choco you're not a shit mum, as catkisser said we've just picked the wrong treat. We're changing that now.
1 year old driving me up the wall, I'd normally be comforting myself with the thoughts of wine later. Instead I'm telling myself ill be better able for her tomorrow with no hangover xx

You're right Feckin, I have no patience with the kids if I'm hung over, even a little bit. So I'm sure I'm more patient and the house is less stressed when I've not had a drink the night before.