motivation/ encouragement needed to quit drinking for November

[Feckinlego]

Hi guys, would really love your help. For the past year I seem to have gotten myself into the bad habit of drinking 4-5 nights a week. I'm drinking 2-4 bottles of wine per week, far too much!
A bit of background, we'll I've 2 children age 1 and 7, and an amazing dh. I work part time, 2 nights per week. Me and dh work opposite shifts so dc don't need childminders. So I'm on my own a lot with the kids.
Reasons I give myself to dtink:
Stressful day with dc
Going on nights the following night
finishing nights for the week
weekend
big one- to avoid dtd with dh(sexdrive completely gone after last birth though was never great)
for the past few months I've been having periods every 2-3 weeks, with resulting horrific black moods, to the point I'm wondering if I'm actually depressed.
I'm functioning ok, house clean/dcs fed dressed played with etc. Dh doesn't think I have a problem but I do, so I thought I'd start with a month off to see how I get on.
any advice greatly appreciated. I'm off on to work but ill try post when I can xx

Yes, I did used to drink a lot, similar levels, sometimes more. I don't have a partner atm, but used to yes, and it didn't really affect me that he drank as it was mostly in pubs etc, not that often in the house.

I started my Xmas shopping today so all the presents are piled up nicely in the spare room. I've just added my bottle of wine to the pile, wrapped and labelled to my aunt. Can't promise it will make it to Xmas but it won't be opened tonight anyway.

If I didn't have this thread I wouldn't have anyone to 'answer' to. I know nobody's judging, but typing makes me see things clearly. Ds was so thrilled to get staying up late cuddled up to mum for a movie night. Normally I'd be pushing him off to bed so I could drink.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you all

Witches, thanks for your input. Do u still find it a struggle?

Brilliant Feckin, that's really brilliant. You started this thread for a reason, and it's worked! Great stuff. You avoided it today, and that's all you can ask of yourself.

Thanks witches

Thanks bowlers, so much. It just felt a bit pointless to open it. I had a wobble but I think I'm ok now. Like you said earlier, the moment is gone. Ds in bed, I've tea and biscuits and I'm just thrilled

Just jumping on to say well done Feckin. I think Fri, sat and Sunday are difficult days -
Day 26 today for me -will be 4 weeks on Monday and a month on Wednesday.
The weekends are/have got easier - hang in there all - takes 66 days to break a habit (apparently) but the good new is that you can lapse in that several times and still change the habit :).

Thank you 70, good knowing you're there. We'll done to you that's fab going. You said u weren't sure if you wanted to be 'dry', have you a goal in mind or are you trying to stay off it as long as you can?

Well feckin I am having some blood tests (to put my mind at rest apparently) as I suffer badly with health anxiety (I get the irony) - Anyhow I have got myself all worked up about the blood tests because of the liver function test (that's health anxiety for you) so I have deferred the tests until a week on Wednesday - when I will be neatly 6 weeks sober. I know I won't drink before then so that's good for my liver. After that I don't know? I have been AF for 6 months before and then only drank once every 3/4 weeks - however stressful job (hence username) and I built up a habit. I think I would like to have an occasional drink but not 5/6 days a week like I was. So we will see. I have changed job so less stress so hoping won't let habit get the better of me.
Thanks for asking - what about you?

Having those tests are a good incentive for you, I'm sure they will be fine after 6 weeks af. Hopefully the less stressful job will help, change your habit and all that. It feels deserved after working so hard. Although I only work part time my job is soo stressful too, I'd imagine a lot of my colleagues are in the same boat as me, lots of wine recommendations at work!
I'm not sure what I'll do after this month if I make it. I'm learning a lot about myself just this week. At the very least the mindless excuses to drink will stop. I'd love to think I could just stay within recommended limits, but I'm a bit afraid that wouldn't last long. I'm happy with myself for now, I learned a big lesson tonight though.
Anyway best of luck to u, thanks for sharing your story xx

I like Bowlerarm approach and my intention is (I think!) to maybe have a drink in December (mmmm but not sure) but to definately do dry January - and the. Poss dry April or something like that - so to give body long periods of abstinence and very little drinking in between.

I know what u mean about guidelines - my problem wouldn't be weekly guidelines but daily - as I. I may only drink once every three weeks but when I do it will be half to 3/4 a bottle which is obviously over daily limit - how hum ! -
Anyway good morning all - hope its a good day for you all :)

Morning all. Well night one of my weekend away was not dry- but it could have been worse.

I think overall I had a large G&T, 2 halves of lager and a bottle of wine.

I suppose that might be a shocking amount to some people but for one of our weekends it's cutting back.

I don't feel like I have let myself down, I knew I would drink this weekend, but I had a terrible headache at 5 this morning and I couldn't sleep.

My plan is to have less tonight, which should be possible as we're at the theatre rather than sitting in pubs and restaurants.

Well done to the rest of you, use me as the "what not to do" example for the weekend

Yes 70 I think I'll try something like that. I really would like to do a dry January at least. Not strong enough to do a dry December like bowlers! I'm feeling really positive this morning. I'll be fine for another week. It's our anniversary next Friday, we may share a bottle then but if I decide to drink it will be on my terms. I haven't drank in a week, I haven't been able to say that since I was pregnant.

Elvish hope you're having a lovely time away. Good on you cutting down. Did your friends say or notice anything? I've every confidence you'll cut down again tonight.

Morning all. Did you wake up like this -> feckin??

Not sure that my approach is that good 70. In an ideal world my drinking pattern would be mon - thurs no alcohol, fri two bottles between the two of us, then share a bottle on a Saturday and Sunday so 18 units a week (rarely go above 12% bottle of wine) slightly more than guidelines which will do me. That would be perfect. The trouble was, that level of drinking became the minimum with 'extras' creeping in - another shared bottle in the week, maybe an extra bottle sat or sun. And we are very sociable and do meet up with friends a lot, so more opportunities for drinking. And I'm getting on a bit, nearly 50, so really need to reign it in now. My life isn't stressful (found it much worse when the DC were little), and there really is no excuse except I'm having such a great time!

Sooo, my plan is to have substantial dry periods to reset the whole thing, and make me think about it all a lot more rather than holding out my glass and saying 'more please'. Then revert back to drinking how I used to, as above.

And I'm only doing it until 25th December, can't quite envisage a 'dry' Christmas Day and Boxing Day ....and I haven't made it yet, so we'll see....

Good luck today everyone.

Mo I like your approach Bowlers as long as we/you don't Cain it when we're on it (so to speak) I think it continues to focus he brain re moderation.

Well done Feckin. Always great to wake up in the morning and then remember you didn't drink last night :)
I think there is a saying which goes something like - "I really regret not drinking last night" said no one ever :)
I hope people don't mind me posting on here - it's great to getting to hear other people's motivational month stories :)

Hi bowlers, I feel great this morning.
You don't sound to me like you have a dependence there, rather that it's become a bit of a habit that needs to be reined in a bit. I think you'll have no trouble. When you talk about the 18 units it sounds like loads, but I've drank double that some weeks. Wine is lethal really isn't it? Alcohol per volume wise iyswim? Might look onto something similar with lower abv. I'm just not a beer/cider drinker.

Morning 70, sorry believe it or not crossed posts there. I get to type about a word a minute with this child hanging out of me!

I'm worrying about keeping motivated after this month. U think the odd month off will keep the mind focused on that goal? That's what I'm hoping.

Love to see you posting, your words of advice are great to hear, so thank you.

Well done Feck

Hey all. Haven't fallen hugely off the wagon, just been really busy.
That said, did drink last night, will be drinking later.
But I'm watching it so much more and having soft drinks too, so for aabusy weekend, I'm not too disappointed.
Lego - you're amazing, you must be so proud of yourself. I hope i can be that self controlled soon.
Have a lovely evening whatever you're all doing xx

Thanks change

Once you're happy enough choochoo that's all that matters! I would find it hard to alternate soft drinks so you're doing a good job. I'm starting to think moderating might be harder than giving up!

Hope everyone has a lovely evening whatever it brings

Morning, morning. Everyone's doing so well - great thread Feckin it's making people think about their drinking habits and moderating at the very least. All good. You're doing great choochoo.

Feckin I don't think I have a dependency as such, but I definitely spend too much time thinking about drinking. Will I/won't I, how many units tonight?, damn i said I wasn't going to drink and I have etc etc, the list goes on. And the fact you said 18 units sounds a lot - to me it doesn't - so that just shows how skewed my view of drinking is.

Went out last night with some friends. Three drank a lot, two drank moderately, two had a glass, and one drank fizzy water .

Day 8, feeling good.

Have a great day everyone.

Morning. I was up til 2 am reading, haven't been able to do that in a long time. My energy must be coming back!

Had a slight wobble again yesterday afternoon, thinking I'd open that wine. By the evening I was grand again . I've realised it's the day time that's my weak spot, in that I promise myself a drink when the kids are in bed, just to help me through the day. I must try to remember that. This week I've wondered how I get through the day with a hangover.

Good on you bowlers on day 8

Hope everyone ok and had a good weekend - well done Feckin for Saturday night (in my experience always the hardest night). Here begins another week - the start if week 5 for me :)

Morning! Thread gone quiet, everyone must be doing ok? Day 9, glad to get the weekend over. This week will be easy as I'm working most of it!

70, really well done. Be proud. Hope you're starting to feel a bit better

Hello!
Weekend wasn't brilliant but it was better than has been.
Just wanted to post a minor victory. A dear friend has just text this "wine tonight?" I haven't seen her in ages and up until a week ago wouldn't have hesitated to say yes. Her drinking wine and me nit isn't an option for me yet so I said no. Feel bad as would love to see her, but drank yesterday at a family meal so really need to have a few days off.
Baby steps n all that.
Hope everyone else ok Xxxx

Hi all, sorry I've not been about. Did better on Saturday night, 3 beers and a third of a bottle of wine. Had a few beers last night too so now going to stay sober until Friday at least.

It's DH's birthday tomorrow and we would usually have a meal at home and drink up to 3 bottles of wine between us. But instead I've booked a babysitter and I'm going to take him out to a country pub. The advantage of this is that I will have to drive and so I will have just one glass of wine with the meal (so we can order a bottle and he won't be drinking it all which he would feel bad about).

Glad everyone is happy with their progress, well done and all round!