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Original poster

Fiancés stag do nervous of him cheating

102 replies

HopefulSmile14 · 31/10/2014 14:20

My partner has gone to Cardiff for the weekend with the LADS I'm so scared of him cheating and breaking my heart I can't stop thinking about it I've got a long shift a head of me tomorrow and don't know how I'm going to cope thinking that he is in bed or kissing another woman the reason I'm like this is when we first met he had a girlfriend he didn't tell me I was oblivious to this and when I found out I cut contact with him but could not get him out my head so when he did finally text me again we ended up getting back together at this point he was single and with in 2weeks we were engaged 9months down the line and I'm still feeling like this wedding is booked for valentines day what do I do :(

OP posts:
Dowser · 31/10/2014 16:02

And yes a stag do so far in advance really doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

I think he'll be hankering for another closer to the day.

Did you see mama Mia . It reminds me of that scenario , a beautiful couple settling for life instead of experiencing it.

Original poster
HopefulSmile14 · 31/10/2014 16:07

I don't feel like it when he is out usually but it's the "weekend" away that's bothering me why do men have to have weekends away I don't honestly see the point in it he only wanted to go for a night out but his one friend wouldn't drop going for a weekend no one is lookin forward to it apart from this one friend my partner woke up this morning and he really didn't wanna go I had to pack his bag cause he didn't wanna go he kept putting it off but his friend kept pressuring him so he gave in in the end

OP posts:
Itsfab · 31/10/2014 16:10

Instant reaction is why the hell are you planning on marrying someone you do not trust?!

Why is it even in your head the picture of him kissing another woman and lying in bed with her?

Why are you even considering he might not come home on Sunday? Where will he go?

This is just ridiculous.

You sound very very young, maybe marriage isn't for you yet and given you already know he is a cheat this is how you will probably always feel when he is out of your sight.

Set the bar higher ffs.

He wants you "to be all his" and "treats you like a princess." I give it five minutes.

4 months is not "quite some time" and if he is so easily led he does want his friends want then I suggest you should reconsider marrying such an easily led boy, grow up a lot yourself and marry a real man in about 10 years time.

Itsfab · 31/10/2014 16:12

You did not have to pack his bag and he is a twat to go when he doesn't want too. Either he is controlled or is controlling.

Fairenuff · 31/10/2014 16:13

This is a really bad relationship. So much to sort out. Don't marry him. Postpone the wedding indefinitely and see how you get on. I reckon you will have more heartache with him yet before you decide enough's enough. But plenty of time to sort all that out.

Just don't marry him.

magicpixie · 31/10/2014 16:17

I am so sorry to hear about your baby

how many weeks where you?
did this happen along time ago?
could this be affecting the way you feel about him

greif can make us do some crazy things like consider marrying someone you don't trust

I wouldn't normally say this but I would say don't marry him

CheersMedea · 31/10/2014 16:20

it's the "weekend" away that's bothering me why do men have to have weekends away

It's pretty common now in some social circles for a stag to be a weekend away - often abroad in Europe. My DH went to Barcelona and all his friends did similar things.

This isn't the issue though. The issue is trust and whether you really want to be with this man/marry him.

Preciousbane · 31/10/2014 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

magoria · 31/10/2014 16:58

If you marry him you could have many years of stressing everytime this weakwilled man goes away.

Wouldn't it be better to postpone until you are more confident about this relationship and the easily lead man who you km now from personal experience can cheat?

Darkesteyes · 31/10/2014 17:23

OP Please dont marry this man. Crying to get his own way is EXTREMELY manipulative.

Medea IMO lap dances/private dances IS cheating IMO. Just because money changes hands doesnt make it not so.

e.g. if bloke1 is not ok with the idea of his best mate stripping off and waggling his cock in bloke1s girlfriends face (just laughs innit) then its not ok to go and get lap/private dances.

I cant believe the amount of people who think its not cheating just because money changes hands.

Original poster
HopefulSmile14 · 31/10/2014 18:02

Magicpixie- I was nearly 5months pregnant and it was a year ago but I have had another two mc this year I am still grieving for my little boy

OP posts:
Original poster
HopefulSmile14 · 31/10/2014 18:04

Darkest eyes- I think that's what I'm more nervous about is him having a lap dance I understand people telling me not to marry him but I love him and I will marry him if things don't work out then they don't work out you only learn is by making mistakes

OP posts:
diddl · 31/10/2014 18:22

Oh dear.

I agree with others that you shouldn't marry him.

He sounds awful tbh.

So little respect for you & his girlfriend that he saw you both at the same time.

Then came after you when that relationship ended.

And you don't trust him to the extent that you actually think he will cheat whilst away?

Get rid of the loser!

CheersMedea · 31/10/2014 19:00

I cant believe the amount of people who think its not cheating just because money changes hands.

I don't think it's cheating because there is no sexual intercourse and no physical contact. It's nothing to do with money changing hands. Otherwise that would apply to prostitution!!!!

Individuals have different attitudes to this kind of stuff. I don't think lap dancing is "a good thing" by any stretch. But if my DH had done that on his stag because his mates had organised it, I wouldn't hang him for it. He would never voluntarily go himself and that's what matters to me.

But this ^^ is a bit off topic Darkesteyes. I meant about peer pressure on a stag.

Fairenuff · 31/10/2014 19:07

I understand people telling me not to marry him but I love him and I will marry him if things don't work out then they don't work out you only learn is by making mistakes

Well, ok then. Just make sure he gets an sti check when he comes back before you have sex with him again.

MorrisZapp · 31/10/2014 19:13

Ffs marrying somebody to learn from
the mistake? Why are you actually getting married? You sound way too young for such a huge step. Why not just live with the guy and see how it goes.

MyEmpireOfDirt · 31/10/2014 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

magicpixie · 31/10/2014 19:15

hopeful. I'm sure you do miss your little boy every day
I do too
heartbreaking
and I'm sorry to hear about your following mc too
you've had a very rough time as you know

we lost our first ds, our middle child shortly after he was born
he had massive heart problems
and I think of him everyday too
we are two and a half years on
and it's still early days really

we have meet a lot of people in similar circumstances over the past couple of years
and the grief has affected them all in many ways

often caused by a need to run away/throw yourself into something else

do you think you getting into this so deep with this guy, who you rightly don't seem to trust could be linked?
it can be harder to find the strength to leave situations when your struggling so much

have you had any help from sands or bereavement counselling ?

MyEmpireOfDirt · 31/10/2014 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 31/10/2014 19:16

What exactly do you intend to learn by marrying someone already waving red flags?

It was him who wanted to push the wedding forward I didn't want to marry an till 2017 but he said he didn't want to wait around for the years to pass us by he wanted me to be all his and not to stand back

This is worrying by itself. I'm guessing he can't keep up the nice guy image for long and is pushing forward so that he can be himself.

It's only been 9 months.

If you can't trust him now, when do you think you will?
Marriage is not a magic wand.

It's not even as if the wedding is tomorrow. In which case you could still cancel.

Itsfab · 31/10/2014 19:18

You are so casual about marriage. Go ahead and marry him. It doesn't matter as it won't be your only marriage Hmm.

Fairenuff · 31/10/2014 19:20

The saying 'Marry in haste, repent at leisure' is there for a reason.

JapaneseMargaret · 31/10/2014 19:23

Oh goodness, this is one of those sad threads where everyone can see exactly where the situation is heading, and nothing can be done to change it.

Clearly there is no way hopeful is going to end this, nor even stick up for herself within the relationship. And yet there is only about a 0.01% chance of this having a happy ending.

Hopeful - I hope you have some real life support around you as time passes. And Mumsnet will (hopefully!) always be here, when you need it in the future. Flowers

Lweji · 31/10/2014 19:23

And it's even more worrying that you are rushing to have children together.

Please at least put that off.

mumwithanipad · 31/10/2014 19:26

I agree with the others about not marrying him, he sounds controlling/manipulative and you sound vulnerable. This type of behaviour can gets worse after marriage. If he loved you he would understand your concerns about rushing into things and waiting. Why would he still push ahead with the wedding knowing you are not one hundred per cent sure? I would think long and hard before marrying him. If you really are meant to be together then what's the rush?