N/C foe this, please help me get this straight in my head?
My husband and I have been together four years we get on well and have had the odd ups and downs but nothing too major.
He has a friend, a friend who is female and is a few years older than him, however he has had partners a few years younger than her, but I do trust him so I actually don’t think there is anything sexual going on. They were very good friends a few years ago and she lives about 100 miles away so he doesn’t see her very often.
I haven’t met this lady other than once in passing. He doesn’t see her often but when he does it’s always conveniently when I can’t be there, I am starting to feel upset about this. Again I will stress that I don’t believe there is anything going on, she does seem a lovely woman, he does tell me stories about her and she does sound like somebody I would get along with; he also says he tells her stories about me and she is always lovely and talks about when we will all meet up, but this never happens.
I feel excluded from this part of his life, I feel he doesn’t want me there, I feel he is ashamed of me (although in no other part of my life has he made me feel like he is ashamed of me). I feel he puts this lady on a pedestal and doesn’t talk about anybody as fondly as he does her. I asked him about 18 months ago (after he’d booked an afternoon off work to spend time with her without me) why I am never there when he meets her and we even had a row about it, he said “I am allowed to see my friends without you there”, this really crushed me as I have always made him feel included in my life and with the people I know. I am proud of him and want people to meet him, I feel torn up that the person he seems to feel the most for (of his friends) hasn’t met me yet on a social basis, I honestly feel like he’s embarrassed of me. Even on our honeymoon we had a bit of a row as he wanted to buy a few gifts for her, I didn’t actually mind the gift buying but he did want to spend more money on a couple of gifts for her than we had on others and this was coming out of our joint pot, I just feel they have this special closeness that I am not allowed to be part of.
I will illiterate that I honestly do not think there is anything going on, but would you be hurt? I asked him to look at it from my point of view, but he come up with a stupid example that I have seen people without him, which that may be (although as far as I am aware I have never excluded him from any part of my life) but he knows these people well, it’s not like I have a friend that he hasn’t met and that I continue to meet even though I know he would like to meet them. I have no problem with him seeing anybody without me. He has said that the times they have met up it’s just been convenience rather than deliberately meeting without me.