What would happen if I wanted to separate but DH refused?

[MrsHR]

I'm going round and round in circles. Most of the time I think I'd like to separate from DH and when I've broached the subject he point blank refuses to consider moving out as "he'd miss out on the children" as he claims.

We rent, have 2 DC (2 and 9 months), he works full time, I work part-time at the weekends and look after the children Monday to Friday.

In the past, when DC2 was only a few weeks old, I also asked him to move out and he said that if I'm the one who wants to end the marriage, then I'd have to move out leaving the kids with him.

Is that really what would have to happen? We live in an extremely middle class commuter town with pretty much no other rentals so I'd have to move further away leaving behind what little support I have here. My family is all abroad.

OP you seem very fatalistic about this. You seem to think that your happiness is completely unimportant. The thing you need to remember is that your lack of happiness in this relationship will be felt by your children. They feel your pain however much you try and cover it up.

You sound deeply unhappy, to the point where you have just got used to it and think it's normal, that your needs aren't important and that you have to sacrifice yourself to keep the peace.

You know it's over, so leave. Make the decision, make it work. Don't think about the what ifs. You can't share a home forever because one of you will find another partner, that partner might have children, things get complicated. But for now you could take shifts as it were with the children, him moving out during the week, you at weekends. The important thing is that you don't share the same space at the same time. What you have is not a platonic relationship, it's an unhealthy and probably an abusive one.

The intellectual abusers are the worst kind...