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oogling young girls

804 replies

typingtoofast · 25/10/2014 22:08

Myself and my partner have decided to give it another try. He is convinced im the woman for him and has apologised for his regular selfish episodes where I have to explain to him that his behaviour is not condusive to a healthy relationship. Ultimately he's selfish. But he has improved and I have seen a loving, attentive and kind man. I was beginning to think that this was a great new start for our relationship and was glad to give it another shot as had missed him when I decided to end it. The break gave me and him perspective and what was important to us both. All that aside.
We were out today in town and a group of young girls (16yr olds I'd say)were obviously heading off on a halloween party night. I had mentioned how inappropriate I thought the outfits were as they were extreamely revealing. You get the picture. In my mind I'm also thinking how they will catch their death of cold!
He views the girls and says they're out for a good night and laughs. He almost snapped his neck gawping. Now nobody could help it as the outfits as i said were ott. But then he replies they'll be teasing the boys later in the nightclub. I reply yes and that's just wrong.
I have in hay days worn revealing outfits and I replied that I wasn't necessarily looking for sex I was I suppose just rebelling and trying to be adult like.
He replied but kids these days are having sex younger, just look at them,look at the one in the tiny outfit. She'll be having sex tonight with the way she's carrying on.
I told him that's enough, that he looked like a sleezy man oogling.
He replied oh to be back that age again. I'd love to meet her out. Imagine the fun.
I was appalled by two things. One him visioning and two saying it in front of me.
Is this normal? I was disgusted and chose to say nothing for the rest of the evening. But then I think what if middle aged men say these things in their head. He's stupid/honest enough to say it out to me.
Now I'm thinking I am with a sleezy middle aged man and worries me that he would think like that.

OP posts:
HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 26/10/2014 17:33

clinging on to the idea that the way women dress, or the way women behave can prevent sexual assault is a coping mechanism of course

like a talisman, to ward off evil

"good" girls who dress nicely don't get attacked and all that shit

it's a poor method though, because it doesn't explain that most assaults are nothing to do with both of those things and I would struggle to explain all that to my daughter who has been targeted whilst simply doing her job (as have many females)

Darkesteyes · 26/10/2014 17:36

A lot of the comments some men shout out in public are about power. When i was very overweight i often had nasty comments shouted at me in public. "You fat bitch" was one of the less imaginative comments. " Nice face shame about the body" was another one. A regular occurence which went on for several years when i was in my twenties.

At 11 years old in 1984 in my first week of high school my drama teacher asked me to speak sexily to him in front of the entire class. I tried to sound like Marilyn Monroe as at that stage in life that had been my only experience of what sexy was (seeing one of her films) He immediately told me in front of the entire class that it was about as sexy as a bag of washing. This was 30 years ago and the memory of it is still quite vivid.

A boy i went to school with followed me home once and pushed me into a hedge and wouldnt let me leave.

8 years ago he turned up again in my home town. He would shout out my name and when i turned around he would pretend he hadnt by simply going about his business. I phoned the Suzy Lamplugh trust and they very kindly sent me a rape alarm as his behaviour was so unpredictable. This was during the day in our town centre and i was normally wearing a long skirt and/or t shirt or jumper.

My niece is 19 and lives in jeans and Converse. But if she wanted to go out in a short skirt she should be able to without the fear of being harassed and groped.

MaryGorddon · 26/10/2014 17:40
HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 26/10/2014 17:41

it would be under my usual name, or seasonal variations of Grin

MaryGorddon · 26/10/2014 17:42

Yes, the task is not small...

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 26/10/2014 17:42

Could even have been deleted, if the thread was a bunfight Smile

MyEmpireOfDirt · 26/10/2014 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryGorddon · 26/10/2014 17:43
tippytap · 26/10/2014 17:46

I'm sure I read somewhere that the most common article of clothing worn by women when they were raped, was jeans, because that's what most women wear most of the time.

I had a quick search , but can't find the article.

justiceofthePeas · 26/10/2014 17:51

Surely, given that we know what someone is wearing has no effect, the only damage limitation it does is too make it harder for people to make judgemental comments.

Hand on heart I might comment on what my dcs wear but mostly to say, you will find that is not practical later on when it is colder. Take a coat and a pair of comfy shoes in case you have to walk.

I might say don't get drunk so you don't make a prat of yourself or end up ill.

Sometimes I do wish people would cover up a bit. Usually lads whose jeans are half way to their knees but only because I think it looks untidy and I can't help thinking they are going to trip.

MyEmpireOfDirt · 26/10/2014 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Darkesteyes · 26/10/2014 17:58

It could be that Neil feels protective of his daughters precisely BECAUSE hes seen the way other men behave and as a parent he finds that frightening.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 26/10/2014 17:59

it's all pretty terrifying, tbh

dadwood · 26/10/2014 18:04

I am sorry if I have added negatively to the debate. Not intended. There should be no judgement of any victim of any sexual misdemeanour

CurtWild · 26/10/2014 18:13

Just how tippytap does anyone know if they're in the company of a rapist? And once again you twisted my words. I won't be telling my girls that what they wear will make a difference as to whether they may be raped or not. I've already clearly said more than once that I know it happens no matter where or who you are or what you happen to be wearing so please don't insult my intelligence, I live in this world and I've 42 years of knowing just how shit it can be at times.

ArsenicChaseScream · 26/10/2014 18:16

I am sorry if I have added negatively to the debate.

The reverse dadwood, you helped to tease something out. Your second point is probably a common fleeting thought and needed looking at. You've been very reasonable and redeptive.

ArsenicChaseScream · 26/10/2014 18:16

^receptive

MyEmpireOfDirt · 26/10/2014 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CurtWild · 26/10/2014 18:59

No empire I was referring to tippytap saying the only way to avoid being raped is to stay stay out of the company of rapists. But it's not like they have a neon sign over their heads, is it.

The damage limitation I spoke of was basic common sense, to not get separated from friends on a night out, avoid 'dodgy types', to be mindful of their drink (so as not to be spiked)..etc. And yes, I'm old fashioned enough to think it's not sensible to go around with your arse on show as it does invite the wrong type of attention whether people on this forum like it or not, you can't deny it. And no, I'm not saying it leads to rape, just that it gives the wrong impression. Been there, done that. My girls will wear whatever they please when they're old enough to go out (and seeing as they're both under 4 that's a long time away!), but I hope I'll have managed to instill some common sense and caution.

I'm fully aware women, men, children and the elderly are raped regardless of what they're wearing, but the OP wasn't talking about rape. She was talking about her DP oggling girls in skimpy clothes. And whether that should happen or not, it does.

Vivacia · 26/10/2014 19:06

FFS Curt. There have been plenty of requests on this thread that posters don't peddle rape myths. Why do you persist in doing so?

CurtWild · 26/10/2014 19:25

vivacia you're evidently not reading my posts. Where have I peddled a rape myth? Read the last paragraph of my previous post.

typingtoofast · 26/10/2014 19:47

It has suprised me, the level of speed that this forum has gone with the suggestion of rape. This is a topic that is particularly sensitive and the victim should never be made to feel it was their fault. Ever.
You have all commented here on how I am suggesting that women who dress provocatively invite rape. That is not what I have said and my point has been utterly skewed.

I have read all the posts. I do agree with responses from many however I find the aggressive tone and insults of so many posters offensive.
This post has given me food for thought. However I don't think my opinion has changed after reading both sides that in this instance (I cannot and won't commenton other instances) that this particular 16 year old knew how she dressed and acted would lead to attention. Unfortunately in the real world, despite how wrong it is, that there are men/boys like my dp that see it as sexual turn on to see breast and ass on display. If i saw a woman breastfeeding her child i wouldn't even blink with a breast on display. But it's the way that they are displayed and the purpose of displaying them that I am questioning. I am not saying men will act upon it at all, but I think it displays the wrong impression on a night out and can invite unwelcome advances.
If provocative clothing didn't turn men/women on then I think Ann summers should be given a heads up.

OP posts:
NanFucker · 26/10/2014 19:50

'Gives the wrong impression', could you expand on that curt? Gives what impression? Genuinely curious not being an arse

Vivacia · 26/10/2014 19:50

It sounds as though she were dressed to go partying. To attract attention. Not to have a people like you and your partner describe her as "breast and ass". There's not a lot she can do about people who objectify young women (or girls, I'm guessing you can't be sure she wasn't 14 or 15 years old).

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 26/10/2014 19:51

After Op's update, I agree with previous posters that she is just as bad as her disgusting partner.

After all that has been said on this thread, the best you can do is to say that your partner is vindicated in being sexually aroused by teenage girls, and making sure you know about it ?

Vile