Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OMG I think I've made a huge mistake :'-(

33 replies

bossmummy1 · 23/10/2014 22:53

I've posted b4 but can't find the pp's
Long story short dh was sexting bf 2 yrs ago but I only found out 6 months ago. Stayed together 4 6 months after me burying my head in sand and thinking I could 'deal' well couldn't and separated 2 weeks ago. Well met him face 2 face 2nite after he dropped kids off and after a chat in his car I for some unknown reason said I'd give him a 2nd chance Confused.
I dnt know if it was his sorry's and regrets speech and I felt sorry 4 him or because I thought I was strong enuf to face him (obviously not)
Because for the past 3 hrs all I have is a feeling of dread that I've made a mistake but how the hell can i go back after saying yes!.
Not only is that cruel to raise someone's hope then stamp on it but it's also my dc to consider to.
Granted he still hasn't moved back in yet but I've got that dreaded knot in my stomach and have been crying as i know that it isn't what I want but now I'm just gunna have to go along as I already said yes.
Ffs what a mess Sad

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/10/2014 22:56

Just tell him you've changed your mind. At least it's honest, which is more consideration than he showed you.

BorisIsABitOfAGargoyle · 23/10/2014 22:56

It was cruel of him to sext your bf. You can change your mind. This is your real emotion coming through, you don't have to do something you're not happy with. Get rid of him - good luck Thanks

MorelliOrRanger · 23/10/2014 22:57

No you don't, tell him you need more time, so not a definite no, but it'll give you some breathing space. You are not in the wrong here.

Hassled · 23/10/2014 22:58

You have nothing to apologise for - he's the one who fucked things up in the first place. You can change your mind - he's not really got much of a leg to stand on, has he? Don't go along with it if you already know you'll be unhappy - that's not fair on you, him or the kids.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 23/10/2014 22:59

You haven't painted yourself into a corner

Tell him you changed your mind. Nobody has a gun to your head. It would be beyond stupid to go along with this when you so obviously don't want to, not to mention how cruel for your children to think you are back together and then for it to fall apart very quickly when he makes your skin crawl over the breakfast table

Call him now and tell you have reconsidered

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 23/10/2014 22:59

Please do not do anything you are not comfortable with.

It would be worse for your children if you got back together and split again.

Take your time, decide for yourself, don't let him bully you back into it.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/10/2014 22:59

Just text him and say "sorry. I've decided not to fall for your bullshit after all. No second chance"

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 23/10/2014 22:59

You only get one life. You need to be the author of it.

Lweji · 23/10/2014 23:01

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2206100-told-OH-I-need-a-break

Of course you can change your mind. People do it all the time.

Surely he was the one to go back on his word primarily.

Original poster
bossmummy1 · 23/10/2014 23:02

I know he did wrong but now I feel a complete bitch for saying yes 2 a 2nd chance and now I feel it was wrong.
After saying yes he cried like a baby and has been sending me msg abt how I've made him the happiest man in the world and how he'll make me the happiest wife.
I've made a complete rash decision and although he did what he did how the hell do I crush a person?

Now I'm poxy crying again now 4 a different reason Sad

OP posts:
MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 23/10/2014 23:05

The quicker you do it the better

Lweji · 23/10/2014 23:06

You were pushed into giving him a second chance and didn't have time to think it over in your own time.

At the very least tell him that the second chance he has must be separated and it only means that you will continue to speak to him until you decide for sure what you want to do.

Lweji · 23/10/2014 23:06

But it's less painful to just say no.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 23/10/2014 23:07

Maybe ring him crying, so he knows you're not doing it lightly. Then hang up before he can change your mind again.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/10/2014 23:08

If you crush him by changing your mind, he gets to experience just a little of the heartache you've been through since finding out about the sexting. It's probably not what you were shooting for when you started out but that's life.. Shit happens.

What's the real alternative here? You get back with him and live miserably for ever after just so he doesn't cry? Hmm

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/10/2014 23:09

Tell him that although you said yes, actualy it has made you ill and you realise that you wouldnt be saying yes for the right reasons so it is actually a no from you. Dont say sorry! He was the one who fucked it up. Say you absolutely cannot trust him ever again and it is 100% over.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 23/10/2014 23:10

Agree with funky

Lweji · 23/10/2014 23:15

And remember to always trust your gut feelings.
You are having a sense of dread for a very good reason.

ChillingGrinBloodLover · 23/10/2014 23:23

You are just going to have to be honest with him. Tell him that you meant it when you said it, but that you realise now it was not the right thing to do and you are sorry, but it's NO.

Yes he will be upset, but that's his problem - HE was the one sexting someone else.

This is NOT your fault.

ChillingGrinBloodLover · 23/10/2014 23:25

You 'crush' him to prevent yourself and your children going through the hell that would follow if you just went along with this. If you do let him move in now it wont last and the kids will have to go through him leaving again. That's not fair on them when you know beforehand that it's a mistake. That is what you focus on, not his witterings.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 23/10/2014 23:28

YOU OWE HIM NOTHING. Remember that.

sykadelic · 24/10/2014 00:28

Giving him another chance doesn't mean him moving back in and continuing from where you left off.

Tell him you don't want him moving back in. You need to try this slow and try the "dating" thing that you mentioned in your other thread (that he suggested).

His rushing and gushing is what's making you panic because you're guarded. Start slow, see how you feel after a dinner date or something.

YvetteChauvire · 24/10/2014 02:26

The sick feeling in your stomach, that is your very being telling you something. Listen to it.

You are absolutely within your rights to change your mind about this. Like puds said: you owe this man nothing.

GoldfishCrackers · 24/10/2014 02:42

You have the right to change your mind. You have nothing to apologise for.

Pretending you are happy for him to move back in is going to be doing neither of you any favours - it'll come crashing down sooner or later and it will be much cleaner and kinder to tell him now. Do it by text since he's so fond of texting Grin

And apart from anything else, you're a better woman than I am for even considering his feelings after what he did to you.

OhSoSharp · 24/10/2014 05:19

I think Chilling has the best way to do it - tell him you meant it at the time but now you realise it would be a huge mistake, so it has to be no after all.