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Relationships

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Original poster

If you were left for OW, how many of your ExLTPs/ExH's still with them?

89 replies

WellWhoKnew · 22/10/2014 22:35

Just that really, some of us were pondering.

Did the relationship endure? Or did they eventually break up? What happened next.

I'm a second wife. Was not the OW. Lasted 15 years. First wife, I'm sure, is not surprised, but not unsympathetic.

OP posts:

Sickoffrozen · 23/10/2014 11:21

Mine is and fair play seems happier than he was with me! We were the stereotypical got together too young and were drifting apart by the time he started an affair. He told me quickly though as she wouldn't carry on once she knew he wasn't being truthful with her. She is nice actually. Great with the kids and I like her. I can see why he does! Lol

VSeth · 23/10/2014 11:23

My Mum is blissfully happy with My Step father 19 years after leaving my Dad for him. So on paper not a bad situation however she lhandeled it very badly and left us children behind.

The expression "Children of Lovers are Orphans", has never been more true.

VoyagerII · 23/10/2014 11:30

An ex fiance left me for an OW (or rather, I dumped him when he refused to give her up!) - it only lasted 6 months as he realised she was a total bunny boiler who tried to control every aspect of his life and phoned him 40 times a day (which he told me when we met up, secretly as he was scared she would find out!). He begged me to let him come back but it was too late.

My mum was the OW to a married man for 18 months and he ultimately left his wife and married my mum (in their 70s). I feel a bit sorry for him as my mum is a nightmare (well then again not really, as he's a cheating arse and made his own bed) and I wonder how long it will last, but he's 80 so maybe he'll just endure it. I hope it does last though because he kind of soaks up my mum and takes her neediness off my hands.

lookingforbaubles · 23/10/2014 11:37

mine declared he was fed up of being a father, needed his space/freedom and left for the much younger ow he had known just 8 weeks

6 weeks later the ow was pregnant --oh how i laughed!

we were married for 7 yrs, he left ow after 7yrs...at least he is consistant

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 23/10/2014 11:45

baubles oh, the irony, eh?

My stbx was verbally and physically abusive towards our 2 young children, so I told him to leave. He soon moved in with his OW, stating that her 3 preteen/teenage children were older, so would be easier to manage.

He soon learned that wasn't the case.

ItsGotBellsOn · 23/10/2014 11:49

I was the OW (not proud of that). They weren't married/no kids, but were in a long term relationship when he started what I suppose would now be called an emotional affair, and eventually left her for me.

13 years later we are married and have children and are happy. She also found someone else, they've been together for 10 yrs have and have a child and from what I can tell (mutual friends etc) they're happy.

Sometimes it all works out for the best (not excusing our behaviour at all, but we are all in better places then we were, so alls well that ends well).

superbagpuss · 23/10/2014 11:56

my mother is still with her OM, don't know how happy she is as I haven't seen her for 15 years - she left her children behind.

Fiddlerontheroof · 23/10/2014 11:58

My ex h is married to the woman he had a five year affair with. They've been together 3 years now, it's the second marriage break up she's been part of, she broke apart another family before mine, as well as ending her own marriage before that...again another affair.

She's the rudeset, nastiest woman I've ever met, she has ruined my ex's relationship with his kids by constantly interfering in out contact arrangements, she turns up in many places she is not wanted, like kids medical appoinments and school parents evenings. She also makes awful statements to my kids about me. His leaving me for her I can get over, but marrying her and saddling us all with her was far worse in my opinion! Lol

He doesn't look very happy, overweight, tired and jumpy. I actually feel a bit sorry for him! I thought ignoring her would do the trick, but she seems to relish in her step mother role....so I have to bite my tongue and sit on my hands a lot! At least some of you who have been OW, acknowledge it wasn't ideal...but at least show some respect to the mother of the kids, and an element of remorse! Lol x

Romeyroo · 23/10/2014 12:49

Ten years, they have two DC, the partnership is very traditional, which I am not, so clearly that was more what he wanted. It's not a life I want, so as the years have passed, I feel less upset by it (and quite frankly don't care now).

NumanoidNancy · 23/10/2014 14:27

I kicked my exH out after a few years of him continually using the threat to leave us to get his own way all the time. I got sick of it after a while. He had the next one lined up once he twigged that I wasn't actually crying and begging him to stay any more; someone we both knew. I always wonder if she knew he was still saying 'are you sure you want to do this?' and trying to get a shag when i was shoving estate agent brochures under his nose. They were together (with our four year old daughter in the house) within a couple of days of him moving out. He came to see me on our wedding anniversary a few months later and told me she was the love of his life and they were going to become a blended family etc blah blah. Its two and a half years on and he still won't let me get a divorce and they are still together although they still don't have a place together like he said he was going to.

She is a good if somewhat chaotic person, its the third marriage breakup she has been involved in to my knowledge. My ex won't let me talk to her which I find interesting but the main thing is that she is nice to my daughter.

NumanoidNancy · 23/10/2014 14:30

I mean they were together publicly. They were an item secretly about six months before he left.

ravenmum · 23/10/2014 14:48

I wonder how long the happy couple will last in my case. From what I can tell, she probably broke up her ex's marriage too, and she actually told my ex in one of their emails that she doesn't know why, but she's always super passionate at first in a relationship and then after a while it suddenly cools off and she's bored. (Big red flag!) She wants to have a baby now: at 35 I guess she'd like to get on with it (has none so far). My ex was quite keen in their emails, but he's 45, not a huge earner and was clearly not chatting up other women in order to have a second family. Speculation, speculation: I don't want to have anything to do with the man otherwise, but I'm extremely curious as to what will happen! A bit disappointed by all the happy endings on this thread :-)

Onmyownwith4kids · 23/10/2014 15:18

Mine is still with his OW but every time he comes back for the kids describes her as "the biggest mistake of his life" and makes a mournful pathetic attempt to come back with claims he was a "different person, in a fog and wishes he could rewind time"..I pointed out that he can't be that different as he's now being disloyal to his girlfriend rather than me.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/10/2014 15:19

My exDP is no longer with his OW. They lasted about 2 years. He has subsequently told me it was the unhappiest 2 years of his life which made me happy yo heart

TinklyLittleLaugh · 23/10/2014 15:29

My DP was my OM. I wasn't married but I'd been living with someone for five years. We were both quite racked with guilt for a long time, DP had been a mate of my ex.

However, we have been together 23 years now so it wasn't a shallow kind of thing. We lost a lot of friends over it. We sucked it up. He has always been worth it.

ComingtoKent · 23/10/2014 15:34

Ten years and they seem to be going strong.

Rebecca2014 · 23/10/2014 16:21

Not happened to me but my granddad left his wife for my nan and it was a long running affair. They are still together now in their 70s and 80s. His children from his first marriage didn't speak to him for 30 years and his ex wife committed suicide, so yes my granddad left a trail of destruction behind.

Was it worth it for all that hurt to his children and ex? I am sure my granddad would say yes but he has always been a selfish man.

StrawberryMouse · 23/10/2014 16:22

I left my ex to be with my now dh. Together six years, very happily married, two children, no regrets.

bananamilkshake1 · 23/10/2014 17:03

Yes, they are & it's been 7 years (1 overlap with me obvs.). They live out of the country now - which is great as I no longer have to worry about running into them & having an overwhelming desire to punch her!

I was the 3rd wife (not an OW) but he did have previous for not keeping it in his pants. I thought he would be different with me - not so!

I know he regretted it - but he made his bed & I was no way interested after he'd been slumming it with her. I think it probably works because they are swingers so he's allowed to shag other people now!

Chrissy41 · 23/10/2014 18:25

my ex is still clinging on with the ow nearly 3 years later (well I think he is) - he has dumped her many times, and did tell me that his awful life with her was serendipity for how he treated me.

In the words of the lovely Lynda Bellingham - let them sit in their own gravy. I am not interested.

Shedwood · 23/10/2014 18:44

My ex is married to and has a child with his OW, they've been together for over a decade now.

I am quite pleased about it tbh, they deserve each other!

I always say that he may have got her, but I got custody of the friends. At their wedding his side was pretty empty by all accounts, and his "Best Man" was someone he had worked with for only 3 months. No one else he knew wanted to go as (unbeknown to me until we split) he owed all of our friends (& me) money ranging from hundreds to thousands. It would have stuck in the throat to attend a flashy wedding of someone who always pleaded poverty when asked to repay his debts!

Nofoolnomore · 23/10/2014 19:02

Nah, the money ran out then so did she (plus as a teenager she probably didn't want to be stuck with someone 32 years her senior - such a shame a he was 'so in love') Sigh

FryOneFatManic · 23/10/2014 20:22

I met DP when he was already in the process of getting divorced from his then DW. She'd left him the year before for an OM, because she wanted kids and DP didn't. Don't blame her for that.

She married her OM, that was about 27 ish years ago, and a little while after the divorce. DP and I have now been together nearly 28 years.

They do now talk sometimes, and I think the feeling on both sides is that really, they should never have married, but just stayed friends. I also see the ex socially sometimes as well.

So I wasn't an OW, although I guess it was technically before the absolute came through.

whattheseithakasmean · 23/10/2014 22:04

My mum had an affair with a family friend & left us. They are still together after 30 years, but it is a dreadful marriage - he is abusive and she is a shell of herself. My lovely dad had the last laugh, as he met and married a lovely woman who made him very happy until he tragically died last year.

My mum got the marriage she deserved.

Ledkr · 23/10/2014 22:22

Mine is stil with her and they have 3 dds.
They seem happy enough but he's stil a twat, she just tolerates him.
The first few years after we split he tried to get back with me loads, cheated on her multiple times and broke her nose.
I actually feel for her and would be there for her and the children if she needed me to be.

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