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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

well i didnt expect that

56 replies

inadarkplace · 19/10/2014 23:18

so for anyone who read my last thread about my husband being arrested for touching my daughter you know ive been really upset trying to come to terms with all this ive been driving myself crackers trying to work out how when why convinced he is innocent etc etc ive been supporting my daughter and crying my eyes out for my husband all week his family have been supportive saying how much he misses me he loves me etc etc today i turn on my facebook and im confronted with him befriending other women last tuesday apparently so that would be the fucking day after he last saw me so he really took a long time about that didn't he so much for being devastated and missing his kids he has fucked us off and is on to his next shag BASTARD im sure there is going to be a rational and reasonable explanation for it all Hmm but all i want to do is say bollocks ive been dealing with kids who miss their dad my eldest son has been smacking the living shit outof me verbally and physically this week because he is confused and angry and instead of sitting at his moms worrying and working with ss to get supervised access to his sons he has been looking for a fucking replacement all along AAAARRGGG SON OF A FUCKING BITCH

excuse my language Blush but my personal view was i was waiting for the investigation to be finished before i took any action over our relationship yes ive took my ring off and yes his photos are down but im not looking for anyone im busy picking up the shreds of my life

im beginning to hate everything

OP posts:
ChippingInLatteLover · 19/10/2014 23:23

Unbelievable.

How is your DD doing?

FushandChups · 19/10/2014 23:23

Oh dear! How do you know he is planning on hooking up with this woman - is there suggestive posts on his/her wall?

I get that it is horrifying that he is pottering around on FB instead of working as hard as he can to salvage your family, but it could be more innocent than you are thinking?

blanketyblank100 · 19/10/2014 23:24

I share your sympathies entirely Flowers
You will get through this, don't hate everything yet. Not to minimise anything you and your family are going through, but he is just one person. He has to continue being his lousy old self while you and your family are going to move onwards and upwards from this point forward.

NotTheKitchenAgainPlease · 19/10/2014 23:26

SadAngry

Waste no more time or energy on this man. Flowers

Original poster
inadarkplace · 19/10/2014 23:28

my dd is fine im just raging ive got to go to bed ive got a bloody police interview in the morning now im fuming sleep may not be happening for awhile

OP posts:
plunctplactzum · 19/10/2014 23:36

Your husband was arrested because he touched your daughter and you're mad because he befriended some random woman on Facebook? Really? Your por daughter,she's last on your priorities, isn't she?

NotTheKitchenAgainPlease · 19/10/2014 23:38

Come on plunct. That's a bit uncalled for.

mummytime · 19/10/2014 23:40

I'm wondering if this woman has a daughter? You might want to screen shot the post and give it to the police.

CookieLady · 19/10/2014 23:42

Sorry, I'm with plunct on this one.

hashtagwhatever · 19/10/2014 23:43

I agree with plunct too, im afraid.

GiniCooper · 19/10/2014 23:44

How is pluncts comment uncalled for kitchen?

I think she was positively polite given the circumstances.

AlpacaYourThings · 19/10/2014 23:45

What an utter bastard.

NotTheKitchenAgainPlease · 19/10/2014 23:48

Only because I think inadarkplace is probably all over the place at the moment - sometimes that makes things seem less coherent.
I interpreted the OP as just another expression of ina's anger towards her husband.

myown2feetaregreat · 19/10/2014 23:50

So sorry this is happening to you and your lovely family. Children come first always. Keep posting ,keep venting , other wise mumsnetters will help you. X

Original poster
inadarkplace · 20/10/2014 00:01

screen shot the post and give it to the police all you like i assumed your innocent till proven guilty in this country i was waiting out the investigation if (and it is if) he is innocent what a cunt i would look dumping on him like that in real life there is doubt on the allegation due to details im not sharing online and as anyone its ever happened to will tell you

you dont just fall out of love with someone it takes time so yes i can be angry and heartbroken it is allowed you know

OP posts:
Original poster
inadarkplace · 20/10/2014 00:15

your right im bloody fuming at best he did it while we were living together and she has just accepted the friends request at worst he has been on facebook looking for a replacement a day after he was arrested anger doesnt begin to describe how im feeling im so angry im emailing the samaritans my whole sodding story right now trying to get perspective i need to calm down before tomorrow ive the police interview tomorrow i dont want to get caught up in my anger and give a wrong impression i just need to focus on the facts and the truth its there job to deal with it

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/10/2014 00:32

Sweetheart, this is the measure of the man.

Calm down now and focus your anger where it needs to be. Getting justice for your daughter. Anything else is peripheral. The biggest injury here is to your precious child and not your relationship with him ...what else he does with his dick is no longer your concern.

You knew you would have to detach from him as a partner and he has forced your hand sooner than you were planning for. Waiting for the investigation to be over to do that was understandable but optimistic in the extreme, and as some of your respondents have already said (and many more will be thinking) was definitely arse-roads about.

Channel this anger positively now. Keep a record of all his dodgy dealings (I reckon there is a lot more that you haven't even detailed here).

The thing is, he can dump you and have relationships with as many adult women as he likes.

But. You have a job to do now, OP. Stick to that.

Staywithme · 20/10/2014 00:40

I'm sorry your feeling so rotten OP but I can assure you that your daughter is not FINE. She may be making you think that because she can see you're upset but I can guarantee she is feeling a lot worse than you right now.

MexicanSpringtime · 20/10/2014 01:02

I can assure you that your daughter is not FINE

Your situation is horrible OP and my heart breaks for you, but your dd's situation is much worse. Even if the evidence were to prove that she is lying, that would just show that she is a very disturbed little girl. Much as you made a commitment to your husband, she needs like you, like he never will.

bobbywash · 20/10/2014 08:21

Blimey I can't believe people are having a go at the OP, read the post, read the other thread, the OP has repeatedly said she is supporting her daughter, and using here to vent all the other stuff she cant say otherwise.

If you don't or can't be bothered to read the previos thread and her post properly and then post comments critising her, then you should be very ashamed.

Staywithme · 20/10/2014 08:44

I've read the OPs posts from the start and I was not having a pop at her. I'm concerned that, like many of the parents of abused children, she may be downplaying the affect it has had on her daughter. The wee girl is the main victim in al, of this. If she can put herself in her child's shoes then she will feel nothing but hatred for this 'less than' man.

MorrisZapp · 20/10/2014 08:49

How can she be supporting her dd if she doesn't believe her and is hoping
the guy is proved innocent?

Spindarella · 20/10/2014 08:50

I don't understand the waiting for investigation to be over before making a decision on the relationship bit. Does that mean you don't believe your daughter? Does she know that? Can she think there is a chance you'd move that man back in?

She must be in bits.

mummytime · 20/10/2014 09:25

Okay - this FB revelation might be a good thing for you. He isn't who you thought he was or what he says is he? He's a slimey toad who goes out sniffing for another woman the minute he's out of your home.

Vent your anger at him! Not us or your DD.

Use this to see him for what he is. It really sounds as if he isn't who you think he is.

Your DD needs you (as someone said even in the unlikely event she was making this up, she is a very needy young woman, and desperately needs you).

Your DD is being "good" in the hope you will accept her. If she felt secure she would be more likely to be venting at you.

Seriouslyffs · 20/10/2014 09:26

you dont just fall out of love with someone it takes time so yes i can be angry and heartbroken it is allowed you know
Shock
You are not supporting your daughter if you're still dripping around him. What do you think is likely to happen if he gets acquired or NFA? Are you really going to welcome him back? Have you even spent a milisecond thinking about how that would feel for your daughter?
There's either some massive piece of information missing here (I can't think what it could be) but you are massively fucking up any chance your dd has of recovering from this.
Being betrayed and misbelieved by your mum would be devastating. Is there are anyone you can talk to in rl?