Absolutely Devestated

[officeworker]

Hi guys,

So after this time last week my partner telling me he's trying his hardest to make it work and loves me and wants us to stay together, the next day he breaks up with me and I've pretty much been a wreck ever since.

By the Saturday he'd decided he's fed up of trying with me and doesn't love me like he used to, and that our date we had planned for the Saturday night to try and reconnect he doesn't want to go on. Now, we've had a lot of break ups and make ups after a week in our short stormy relationship...all of the bad things have happened since we moved in but this time it doesn't feel the best at all.
I should mention at this point a couple of weeks ago his father had a mini stroke and now they've discovered a brain tumour which the family find out the severity of next Tuesday. The whole time his father was taken to hospital I took time off work, was at the hospital all weekend and doing the general stuff a girlfriend should do, so I'm not quite sure if his fathers illness is behind this like my friends seem to think.

Anyway, since Sunday he has refused to move out just yet, stating he wants to but in a couple of weeks when he decides he wants to. I pleaded with him to just go to his parents (where he's moving back to) for a few days, they live five minutes away and mine are 20 miles and again he refused. He won't not sleep in our bed, it's him that doesn't want to be together and him that should move to the sofa yet he won't. There's no physical contact other than this morning (which I'll explain next), and he spends his time flipping between completely ignoring me to talking very sweetly, realising what he's doing and then stopping quickly.

Then comes my problem, I've sick since this time last Friday. I have a raging hunger yet whenever I take a bite of food I'm straight to the toilet trying to throw it up. Since last Friday (so unfortunately I can't even say it started when the break up did), I've hate probably around six bites of food, all I can drink is water and again it comes straight back up. On the toilet first thing every morning throwing up and the other one. No concentration, I can sleep but then wake up and it starts all over again. Yesterday evening, he'd made a pizza for his dinner, I asked for a tiny part and he refused! This morning I've woke up and it's even worse even he can see that, I tried to cuddle into him in the corridor and he gave a half hearted cuddle back, then got me a dish to be sick in and a glass of water without me even prompting which is a first! However I've been wretching for the best part of an hour now inbetween typing so called NHS 111. They're asking the urgent care centre to call me, I can't tell him as he'll accuse me of attention seeking or something so I literally am on my own, having to stay off work, sick in bed and without him.

With this and him being like this with me I'm absolutely devestated, it's my little sisters wedding in a few weeks and I can't even think about not going with him. Sorry for the long post and to be honest I'm not really asking anything, more just trying to gather my thoughts and write it down.

I think OP you r the one who you need to give a stern talking to. Hes an arrogant little prick who is getting off on making u miserable ans can't stand you going out and enjoying yourself and showing signs of moving on. He probably hasn't moved out yet as it sounds like his mum wouldn't be pleased. I think it wud b best if u pack ue bags and move now and move to your parents as the greater distance wud b bwttee for you to get ur head sorted without the chances of bumping into him. Hope u can find the strength to go.

I wish I could. I asked him to cuddle me when I was upset this morning and he did, then he said he was going to pop up to asda to get his breakfast but I said I'd do it. He says he feels weird about me doing anything for him, I'd just give anything to make it ok with him.

He still says he's moving out and for the first time I actually believe he wikl

I wish I could

You can. You neex to stop acting as if you are powerless in all this aa if it is fate, destiny or some great inescapable love.

He is not very nice to you.
Real love makes you happy.
He is unlikely to be the only person you love in your whole life.

You can do better.

It's none of those things, it's just unfortunate that I screwed up months ago and he can't get over it. He's basically said I'm a heart destroyer this morning, that he completely loved me but it's too difficult now.

I'm being more practical now, planning to move out and he's said it isn't like we won't ever see each other again, but he'll miss me and he loves me but this is the right thing to do

Is there more to this story OP than what you're telling us? What did you do months ago?

I didn't cheat or anything like that! I was just a bit of an idiot for a while, just didn't visit his family as much as I should have and been out doing other things when I should've been with him. Those things have just led him to believe we shouldn't be together that things should be easier.

It's honestly ok when he's here with me, it's that day he leaves I can't bear the thought of

You are only 15m into this relationship. It shouldn't be so hard!

He sounds deeply controlling. I didn't meet my dh's family for at least 2 years.

OP, this is emotional self-harm. 'You' messed up a few months ago? Says who? Him? He sounds like a controlling bully to me...and you want him to hurt you as you have such low self-worth.

Even if this were true (I doubt it sounds like a pretext to me) it is done now.

Glad you are making plans to move on.
Nobody likes endings. They are difficult.
But you will probably find, like removing a plaster, it is best done decisively and is not so bad once you get it over with.

Make sure if you move out you remove yourself from the bills etc.

I'm sorry for the updates - I just don't feel like I can deal with much on my own right now and writing it down really helps.

So yesterday I began to think practically about moving out and where to go, also what to do about this whole situation.
By yesterday afternoon we were speaking a lot more, he was volunteering conversation, trying to make conversation with me and generally being a lot more friendly and fun to be around. We went out together to play a sport, and I caught him glancing at me a fair few times but he also became quite annoyed at some points, especially when I laughed at him swearing as he missed a shot. Generally though, he spoke to me and has been good.

Came home afterwards, we sat and watched TV together and everything was normal, my Mum was on the phone and he didn't walk out, he was trying to join in the conversation. Went to bed and watched tv and then that's pretty much where some things began to make sense.
We laughed and joked all the way through the show and when it was time to sleep he said 'Don't ever think I'm not hurting as this is the worst thing ever, I just know it's the right thing for us'. Then he said about his Dad, how worried he is about the results we'll get today. Finally he grabbed my hand and directed me to a lump on his body he's worried about. He keeps saying he feels his life is falling apart and I did my best to comfort him. This morning I woke up when he did, and rubbed his back, told him his Dad will be fine and not to worry too much. He can sort everything out. Then he's left for the day and I haven't heard from him about the results. Oh and he's also said he still loves me and always will.

In my mind I just feel like there's more to it, I'm still planning on moving out and what to do next, he's not a bully or anything like that. It seems he's just trying to hide his emotions from me.

Sorry, again, more like a diary...but last night was just different.

And now I'm thinking...I'm just looking for reasons that mean he's going to stay. Like signs in my life and that makes it even worse.

I'm not quite sure if him being lovely and opening up is worse than being cruel to be kind. Today I haven't cried, I've been practical, I've made plans for this evening as to not get in his way with whatever diagnosis his father is given, yet he knows where I am should he need me.

I still feel as though he doesn't want to move out, I still want him to stay and realise we could make things work.

Office, you are going through a lot, and taking his problems on to yourself when you should be detaching, for your own mental well being. No matter why he has behaved in the way he has, he's been horrible to you. Horrible. Can you really see yourself being able to trust him with your feeling ever again? Even if he does stay, he'll hold his presence like a guillotine over your head, and at the first hint of conflict he'll cut the rope.

It is awful that his dad is ill. But that is no excuse for the way he's treated you. You are a loving person with a huge amount to give. Why not save that love and generosity for someone who deserves it and is able to accept and reciprocate? Or turn it onto yourself and try to love yourself a bit, raise your expectations - and remove him from your house and your life. No one deserves to be toyed with the way you have been.