Something needed to be done, and now I need wise words.

[Gibbsbasement]

Sorry, long.

I have either just been brave or stupid. I can't decide.

I've just set a ball rolling that is huge and is going to destroy our family.

Background.
'D'H and I have been together 20 years, married for 18. We have 2 lovely DC 13 and 11.

The issue is partly we don 't communicate well (well, I try to discuss stuff and he either shuts it down and changes the subject or escalates it to an argument and starts shouting). He needs to be in 'control' and the dominant member of the household.

We have had bad patches in the past and it always seems to be me that compromises or backs down.

He seemed to have jealousy issues when our children were born and didn't like not being the focus of my attention anymore and would sulk, be deliberately unhelpful and once when I asked for help and he could see that I was struggling with 2 very small DC under 2 he said I should "just pretend I'm not here. What would you do then?"

Things reached rock bottom for me when he hit me in the head as I was holding our newborn DS in my arms. I gave him an ultimatum that if he ever hit me again I would leave him and told him to get help for his anger. Things seemed to improve but it hasn't ever been an equal or loving relationship.

So in the past 5 years he has been getting steadily more aggressive. I though he may be depressed but he refuses to look into this with our GP. I understand that he is under pressure in a new role at work and is in a lot of pain and awaiting an operation which he keeps putting off. But I don't think that is an excuse for his behaviour.

The thing is when it was just directed at me I felt I could deal with it.

In the past few years as the DC have got older and have developed their own personalities and opinions he has started to shout at and bully them. He can't stand them making noise in the house and splits them up or causes an argument if it looks like they are getting on too well.

The final straw for me was on Saturday when he became so enraged and out of control arguing about homework with our DS that he dragged him upstairs to his room and he hit him.

DS has refused to go to school so far this week. He has finger mark bruises on his arm where he held him.

So...
I have been in to school today and have told DS's tutor what happened. The tutor is going to set in motion the child safeguarding policy, some support and counselling.

But, it's niggling. Have I done the right thing? I know I have, but I'm just about to blow my family apart.

I need advice on what to do next. What should I be doing? I'm at a complete loss. I've pulled the lever to release the wrecking ball and am now waiting for the first blow.

I know this will be messy, fraught, difficult. But what have I done? I'm about to destroy their whole world.

Thanks for reaching the end.

Yes get or photocopy documents and bank statements/details. He will try to hide money from you. Copy the business stuff /payslips too. Get them to your friend for safekeeping. Make sure you have money to tide you over if he empties all the bank accounts.

Be strong.

You are doing the bravest thing you can, which is the right thing to do for your dc.
When you doubt your decision, and wonder if you've done the right thing, imagine your ds writing a thread on here: "My dad hit me and my mum did nothing".
You are saving your children and yourself. Be proud of yourself, you can do this.

Gibbs be careful about contacting the company accountant and how you do it, if they know nothing of the situation then they may very well make an innocent phonecall to your husband saying they have had you on the phone asking about the payslips and give him cause to be suspicious.
I get a payslip from both of my companies every month, through the winter i never get paid as there is no money coming in to the business, i tend to get it when trade picks up in the summer as a lump from all the payslips added together.
Sounds like you havent been getting any pay at all which for me wouldnt raise any suspisions but for you should as you havent had any explanation as to why you get payslips and no money.
In my case its to keep the records straight and the payslips in the right tax year so everything is within limits and allowances rather than nothing one year and going over personal allowances by having double in the next tax year and paying unnecessary tax.

Stay strong you are doing the right thing

It may also be worth you asking RL friends if any of them is or knows an accountant who could advise you on this and look at things as a favour so you understand better what is going on and why with his businesses so you are armed with the info when you need it