Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why did he take his ring off...?

61 replies

CoffeeWithSingleCream · 13/10/2014 17:10

I think I know the answer to this question, but wanted to see what others think...

I was tidying my husband's home office/spare bedroom today (as I was fed up of it being a tip) and I noticed his wedding ring on a shelf below the keyboard. He sometimes takes it off in the bathroom and kitchen (bathing dd, washing up etc) and forgets to out it back on - but not elsewhere before. It is probably relevant to point out that he is left handed....

He was working late last night after I went to bed. I don't have any concerns about this - he is self employed and incredibly busy and stressed at the moment so he works every other evening after I have gone to bed. This has only been going on for the last few weeks, and he doesn't think he'll have to do that for much longer.

We had a chat about porn a few weeks ago after I found tons of it whilst looking for a file on the computer. He deleted it all (I didn't ask him to but I made it clear that I wasn't impressed). Since then he has given the computer a good clear out. He frequently deletes his internet history, but when I had a look today he was online doing normal type stuff last night (amazon, trip advisor etc - so much for the working Hmm) but there is a complete internet black hole in the history between 11.30pm and 12.20am.

There are two options - one is bearable and the other is awful. What do you wise people think? Tia Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
CoffeeWithSingleCream · 13/10/2014 17:11

Sorry, forgot to say - will be popping off to bath dd and put her to bed soon so apologies if I can't reply to posts for a while. She's difficult to put to sleep at the moment!! Thanks

OP posts:
Squidstirfry · 13/10/2014 17:17

No idea why someone would take their wedding ring off other than when they are spending time with an OW or escorts. But that makes no sense for someone who was definately in their home office!
Maybe Skype? Cam sex? It's still ott to take wedding ring off for cam-porn.

Was he definately at home all night?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 13/10/2014 17:19

Hmmm well, neither DH or I wear our wedding rings, and neither of us is at all.bothered by it, however I do.think gut instinct counts for a lot, and if it feels uneasy to you then it.more than probably is.

There must also be a slight lack of trust in your relationship for you to check through his internet history so intently.

It also wouldnt bother me if DH looked at porn, however if he was choosing porn over me then I would have something to say about it.

I suppose what I am trying to say is only you will.know whether this is odd within your marriage, rather than it be a generic red flag.

CheersMedea · 13/10/2014 17:19

If he's left handed, does he normally take it off to ... er . . . shake hands with the unemployed?

LoisPuddingLane · 13/10/2014 17:21

Maybe he doesn't like the feel of it on his cock.

HellBoundNothingFound · 13/10/2014 17:23

I'd say he may have taken it off to relieve himself and forgot to put it back on.

Both DH and I often forget to put our wedding rings back on. Dh takes his off when he showers or washes up as he's lost weight and the bloody thing slips off when wet. In fact, it's on the bathroom shelf right now and he's at work.

If you feel something in your gut, don't ignore it

AMumInScotland · 13/10/2014 17:24

I'm guessing the point about him being left-handed is about wanking?
So - you think that's what he was doing. And the question is whether it was to porn or with online company.

Since he has history for using porn, that would be the most obvious answer.

Then the question is how this affects your relationship and what you want him to do about it.

If he's neglecting your relationship, then it's fair to challenge his behaviour, and talk about how you can get things back on track. If not, well... I don't like porn, but it's not exactly the end of the world is it?

mammadiggingdeep · 13/10/2014 17:24

My first thought was web cam?? So the other person didnt see it?

Satinlaces · 13/10/2014 17:26

Do you think he told someone who could see him that he was single?

handfulofcottonbuds · 13/10/2014 17:28

He could have been having a bit of 'me time', especially as you mention he was left handed.

If you know he uses porn and don't have too much of an issue with it, then I would question why you felt the need to go through his internet history so intently. Once trust is gone, it's difficult to get it back Sad

FelicityGubbins · 13/10/2014 17:38

Not all left handed blokes use their left hand! It could be any reason he took it off, I take mine off sometimes as I get water trapped under it and my finger gets sore, just keep a close eye and have a sneak downstairs next time he is "staying up for a bit"...

Seth · 13/10/2014 17:43

Coffee

No real idea why however your comment about Amazon, Trip Advisor jumped out at me..only because when I was watching TV last night , a group of stand up comedians were talking about deleting internet history and one of them jokingly said that the most annoying thing about deleting your history was then having to browse though 'normal' sites such as Amazon in order to make the person who was going through your history think you had spent your time on those instead of what you had actually been doing.

May not be the case obviously but it resonated with me as those are 2 very generic sites.

I hope you get to the bottom of it.

Original poster
CoffeeWithSingleCream · 13/10/2014 18:01

Squid - he was definitely at home all night.

Cheers - love the expression Grin. I'm really not sure as we've only recently got married and we haven't indulged in any....erm....mutual sessions together since then!

Mamma and satin - Yes the two options I thought of were - porn/wanking (bearable, not the end of the world) or cam stuff (which is an LTB offence for me).

Seth - yes, that thought entered my mind.

I'm having a hard time trusting him due to a big fuck up of his around 18 months ago so find it difficult to give him the benefit of the doubt about things. Didn't want to put details in my op as it might cloud peoples' thoughts about the ring.

OP posts:
LoisPuddingLane · 13/10/2014 18:10

Perhaps if he wanks with his left hand, he gets all jizz under his wedding ring.

ThatFire · 13/10/2014 18:15

Well that's helpful, Lois. Point made - twice now, I think.

LoisPuddingLane · 13/10/2014 18:16

No, the first time I said maybe he didn't like the feel of it. I'm glad it was helpful.

Original poster
CoffeeWithSingleCream · 13/10/2014 18:19

He is quite ambidextrous though - from memory I think he wanks with either hand

OP posts:
Original poster
CoffeeWithSingleCream · 13/10/2014 18:20

He'll be home from work in half hour. As soon as he sees the office he will realise that I've seen the ring as I did a lot of tidying in there. May need to intercept him before he goes upstairs. But to say what?

OP posts:
LoisPuddingLane · 13/10/2014 18:23

"Darling, here's your ring. Were you having one off the wrist last night?"

kaykayblue · 13/10/2014 18:52

Well he "fucked up" around 18 months ago, and is still engaging in dodgy behaviour.

Next time he "stays up to work" I would sneak down and walk in unannounced on whatever he is doing. Presumably if he's wanking or using a webcam then he'll be using earphones so as to not wake you or raise your suspicions if you go downstairs for a drink.

Still, a pretty sad way to live.

nozzz · 13/10/2014 18:53

Do you trust him to tell the truth if you ask him why?

ThePinkOcelot · 13/10/2014 19:02

Why did you marry him recently if you struggle to trust him because of something he did 18 mths ago? Genuine question.

BlueberryWafer · 13/10/2014 19:13

Would a bloke take their ring off to masturbate though?

HerdyHerdwick · 13/10/2014 19:21

He might if he's a "death gripper"...

HeySoulSister · 13/10/2014 19:23

Downstairs? Or is it the spare room?

Swipe left for the next trending thread