Just married..issues

[pnutter]

Hi
massively long story cut v short
married for 3 months
My kids tolerate but don't seem to like my husband. We had a brief engagement.

My husband is turning out to be rather self centred. I feel pretty much like a hand maiden all of a sudden.
Do you keep going..work through the cycles (I've been married before)
Or cut your losses (yes it's a possible 3 months in not good I know) and up heave the kids again ??

So im back from seeing my wonderful ds. He and dd were so happy to see each other. Ds was ok with me but he wouldn't look at me at all and I had to hug him without a hug back but I understand. I didn't tell him anything ..For starters dd age 7 was all ears and also because I want it all done and dusted before I tell him. My husband has text me only to say it'll be a late night. I didn't reply.
So now I have til around 6pm to sort out everything . I need to see my gp again and chase up referral to psych. I need some sort of plan what with being off sick from work etc.
It's so peaceful . I'm having a glass of wine. I have no shouting or atmosphere.

Why is it I feel I need to explain my decision to husband? I want him to understand although I know this is a false hope. A text saying "it's over don't come back" is harder to send than an essay on "I'm hurt I'm scared of you im scared for my children"
My children. I can't see how I put him before them. How why?

I just looked back at my original post where I said I've been married for 3 months. .that's wrong..its been 7 weeks..
i need to tell 'someone' I spent my wedding day in tears and packed my bag on my wedding night after a massive row about dds dad. I'm not allowed to communicate with him at all. He's a nightmare too but sometimes I need to ask or tell him stuff re dd. I wanted to take my own life on my wedding night because I knew I'd killed my ds emotionally and my husband called his ds for a chat. .something I can't do.
Sorry for blathering on. So much has gone on and now I'm calm and feeling more stable it's hitting me just how fucked up it all is

My children are beautiful in every sense. Never have to tell either off. Both a joy to be around . And I treat them like this.

Pnutter You've got some space to think straight. No wonder you are feeling calm. Life is going to get so much better for you. X

Thank you Alpha . Yes I feel like I've grounded somehow. In my little house. I have arranged to see ds on my own Monday (?) and dd went to bed in my bed. Husband has strict rules re children waking in the night whereas I don't.

She's been on tenterhooks I think.

You poor dear! So much has happened in so short a time!!

You are married to a bully. One who took a terrible advantage of you in your manic state to move himself into your life and your home. You need to get him out. Anything else can wait until after that is done.

Call WA and/or the police and explain what happened and ask them about assistance in keeping him away from you. Since the house is in your name will they be able to remove him if you call them and ask for help? If they cannot guarantee it, then change the locks. If you can't get that done today, can you install chain locks or slide bolts on the doors to stop them from opening? At least that way he cannot enter. They can always be removed once you get the locks changed. Once you get that done, I would send him a text telling him that you are unhappy, need space to think, and for him not to come home as the locks have been changed or doors bolted.

Do you have joint finances? If so, you need an account in your name only immediately.

Oh yes, you can put his things in a bag and set them on the steps for him to collect at a prearranged time. Either be out (if the locks have been changed) or in the back of the house with the door bolted. Tell him you will NOT answer the door, he is to take his things and leave.

One who took a terrible advantage of you in your manic state to move himself into your life and your home

I think AcrossthePond has nailed it. This is what he has done precisely. He's like a shark, circling and circling until the right prey came into his influence. Then he seized. My apologies to any shark fans. But no apologies for loathing this controlling abusive possible psychopathic creature.

Your posts last night were actually kind of beautific with calm recognition of how wrong this is. I'm sure if it's only a few weeks then you can take that marriage cert straight back to the shop. Also, it's not your fault - STBXH hunted and trapped you when you were most vulnerable. Now you are going to put it right and get free.

Pond also has it right about planning for his exclusion. Write him a text explaining if you must, to satisfy yourself. But don't try and do it face to face. Don't let him in again would be the best plan really. After you've done the explaining text and he's exploded and bombarded you with statements about how insane you are and how much you won't cope without him, then you need to do the brief version which just says "leave now and don't come back"

Your children sound absolutely wonderful. I can see their glow through your loving words. You truly are a special family. No wonder the shark was attracted but he's underestimated how your glow can be used to defend this precious family when danger bites.

Forgive me posting without having read the whole thread. Am breastfeeding baby and toddler has just woken, DH away this week.

I wanted to add this in case nobody else has.

You can have your marriage voided (not annulled) as you were suffering from a mental disorder when you married.

Where the court rules a marriage is void, it is treated as though it never even happened. You need to apply for and obtain a Nullity Decree from the court. This will allow you remarry and avoid any later disputes concerning the void marriage.

Please see a family law solicitor. You can get a free half hour with many and there are many more who will do this pro bono (free) as you were ill. Ask Mind or the Family Law Society.

Sorry to post and run, but best of luck.

You OK, OP?