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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

urgh

52 replies

CheeseBored · 08/10/2014 13:58

Had been seeing someone for the last monty. REALLY liked him a lot, felt lots of connection.

He didn't though and has dumped me for 'lack of spark' which is fair enough. Has now suggested meeting over the weekend, which I don't want to do - too hard.

How can I respond to this with confidence, panache and keeping the ball firmly in my court?

So bloody sad.

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 08/10/2014 14:00

You can respond with 'No'.

gamerchick · 08/10/2014 14:01

Sounds like he wants you around to warm his bed without the relationship. Jean knows you like him and that's usually enough to keep someone dangling.

Tell him no thanks and you'll see him around maybe and make plans for the weekend incase you wobble.

gamerchick · 08/10/2014 14:01

*he

Pinklaydee1302 · 08/10/2014 14:02

I wouldn't respond at all, twat!

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 08/10/2014 14:02

Just say no thanks.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 08/10/2014 14:04

I wouldn't bother answering if I were you

Quitelikely · 08/10/2014 14:04

So there was no spark but he wants to meet still?

Tell him you are not interested. If you go along be prepared to get hurt. It seems he just isn't into you the same way you are him. No point dragging it out.

hellsbellsmelons · 08/10/2014 14:05

Thanks but no thanks.
I'm busy and will be for the foreseeable future as far as you're concerned.
Do not contact me again.

Vivacia · 08/10/2014 14:08

I'd reply with "Sorry can't, bit busy this weekend" and leave it at that.

tipsytrifle · 08/10/2014 14:11

A simple "No" would suffice. No need for civility, only clarity. Not responding would be ok but not necessarily conclusive, depending on how much of a nutter he's going to turn out to be. Sorry Sad

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 08/10/2014 14:11

"No 'spark', no point. Bye"

iPaddy · 08/10/2014 14:12

Hmm why is he a twat because he wanted to end a relationship? Surely the stock Mumsnet advice is that there is no bad reason to end a relationship - if you want to - that's good reason enough.

OP - if you want to meet him this weekend, do, if you don't, don't. He may value your friendship but no longer see you as a potential partner. He may want to explain F2F. It's not necessarily stringing you along.

Flowers for you though. Being dumped is shit. It doesn't change who you are though, you are just as fabulous and lovely as always Smile

meoverhere · 08/10/2014 14:16

"No 'spark', no point. Bye"

This. Don't say you're bust this weekend. He'll try next weekend.

He's said it loud and clear. He doesn't want a relationship. He's wondering if you're up for something 'no strings'

Original poster
CheeseBored · 08/10/2014 14:17

Thanks Ipaddy and i agree, he is no twat. In fact he has been very kind and gentlemanly in all of this. So I won't get arsey with him. I just wanted to find a way to respond positively. Feeling a bit pathetic hence asking here.

OP posts:
meoverhere · 08/10/2014 14:18

IPaddy... Then he'd have said something like 'can I see you this weekend so I can explain'

I'll bet that's not what he said though...

meoverhere · 08/10/2014 14:18

Do you want to go OP?

meoverhere · 08/10/2014 14:20

Sorry, just reread your OP.

Just say 'no thanks, you'd rather not'

But what bitter put is better Wink

hellsbellsmelons · 08/10/2014 14:22

So he dumped you - correct!!??
Now he wants a booty call - correct???
Because that's how it reads to me.
No matter what nice spin you want to put on it, it's not nice to dump someone and then string them along a bit more!
That there ^^^ is twatish behaviour.
That is just plain nasty. He said there's no spark. Take him at his word.

kaykayblue · 08/10/2014 14:28

I agree that someone ending a relationship in these circumstances doesn't necessarily make them a shitty person - not that it helps the person on the receiving end.

I would simply reply with a "Thank you, but I don't think it's a good idea to drag this out. Have a nice weekend"

Original poster
CheeseBored · 08/10/2014 14:28

Not a booty call
Would be somewhere in the day.
Yes I do want to go, perhaps for closure.

OP posts:
meoverhere · 08/10/2014 14:31

Think carefully.

What... Exactly... Could he say that would give you closure?

(I am speaking as someone who has been in this situation and went to see the bloke who dumped me that weekend to get 'closure')

hellsbellsmelons · 08/10/2014 14:36

What closure?
He's told you there is no spark.
What more do you need.
He's dumped you. End of!
It's not like it's been a long term relationship.
Don't drag it out.
Don't waste your time meeting this guy.
Make arrangements to meet another guy instead.

MindReader · 08/10/2014 14:37

Yy to "Thank you, but I don't think it's a good idea to drag this out. Have a nice weekend"

Clear and dignified.

Make plans. Don't wobble. Hold your head up.
If he realises he has made a terrible mistake he will write etc.

DeMaz · 08/10/2014 14:38

'There is no spark' should be enough closure for you!

Do not jump whenever he calls! Makes you look desperate!

JohnFarleysRuskin · 08/10/2014 14:38

I think it IS twatty is to dump someone for 'no spark' and - knowing they still are keen on you - ask them to meet you.

I think you'd get most closure from 'No spark, no point,'. If you want to be this guy's "friend" or 'fall-back' then go...