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Original poster

The polite response to news that my 41yo STBXH has moved in a 19yo?

82 replies

eliminator · 07/10/2014 11:23

I smiled politely and only made 200 sarcastic comments.

But he's introduced her to the DC and I expect I'm going to have to meet her properly and make this situation normal for them.

Its not the age gap that's worrying me too much, but the fact that she is the same age as his first born and our 8 year old has commented on it.

Do I need to say anything or shall I just leave it to them to explain?

OP posts:
hesterton · 07/10/2014 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
eliminator · 07/10/2014 16:38

I know absolutely nothing about her, he's lied about her constantly everything he's told me could be completely fabricated. I do know for certain that she's got family issues and was either living in or about to housed in a council run B&B.

They've been seeing each other since April but I only heard about her last week, the DC met her before I was even informed of her existence Angry

The boiler cupboard is big enough for a tall, skinny, 19yo to stand up in. He's since told me that she wanted to hide from me... he's probably told her I'm a loon, isn't that the script they follow in these situations?!

OP posts:
RandomFriend · 07/10/2014 17:18

He put her in the boiler cupboard?

Send her this way so that she can ask if that is normal. Poor girl.

RandomFriend · 07/10/2014 17:21

If you 8-year-old has commented on it, then I think you have to discuss it with him. At the very least you can confirm your DCs idea that the arrangement is most unusual and probably a very temporary one.

MrsCakesPrecognition · 07/10/2014 17:27

He seems to think he is living in a Carry On film.

Zucker · 07/10/2014 17:48

Oh no doubt he's painted you as the evil witch who tried to ruin his life and is fiercely trying to get him back at all costs.

Hopefully it won't take her long to wise up to his ass-hatness.

Meerka · 07/10/2014 18:36

should take anyone with an ounce of self-worth or confidence about 2 seconds flat to wise up to him being an arsehole!

Dowser · 07/10/2014 19:59

22 years difference. Oh well she'll have the delights of wiping his bum when she's 65 and he's 87.

Good luck to her. She's going to need it.
I know of another couple where she wanting to party at a very youthful 50 and he's wanting pipe and slippers at 72!

She flung herself at my friends husband. Now her chickens are coming home to roost and my friend is having a great life.

lurkernowposter · 07/10/2014 21:20

Wow! I read a post on here yesterday from someone who said she was in her mid thirties seeing a man nine years younger. The comments were full of praise, many from people in relationships with big age gaps explaining how their relationships work so well. What's different here?

MaryWestmacott · 07/10/2014 21:23

Lurker - did she make him hide in the boiler cupboard?

Darkesteyes · 07/10/2014 21:30

In 1992 i was this 19 year old. Dh has never put me in a cupboard but i have talked about other problems on here.

feelingmellow · 07/10/2014 21:33

local authorities don't have a duty to provide housing/hotels/B&B for homeless 19 year olds unless they have very serious vulnerability problems, usually to do with health or domestic violence or they are homeless parents.

Otherwise every other 19 year old who wanted to leave home, or was kicked out of home, would be presenting themselves as homeless. There simply isn't the funds to do it.

Timeforabiscuit · 07/10/2014 21:34

Lurker - mid thirties, I knew who I was and what I wanted -

19? Best not go there,

but 41year old men with baggage that Pickford's would suck their teeth at? There is way too much going on hear to make it happy ending territory!

lurkernowposter · 07/10/2014 21:39

"He's since told me that she wanted to hide from me..." I don't know these people so there's no reason to assume this is untrue, or true.

And the accusation he was using a vulnerable young woman for sex? Is she vulnerable? I don't know, who does? She was living in a b&b because of problems at home? Maybe she suffered abuse at home? Who knows? Perhaps people are to quick to jump to conclusions?

lurkernowposter · 07/10/2014 21:46

I can't imagine what life must be like in a council run b&b must be like, she might be better off where she is. I've no idea what a 19 year old girl would see in a 41 year old man, what could they have in common? I wouldn't condemn either of them for it though.

ChippingInLatteLover · 07/10/2014 21:50

lurkernowposter (welcome :) )

Mid 30's & 9 years younger - so what 35 & 26 is quite a bit different to a 19 yo and a 41 year old - 22 years difference and 19 is a lot younger than 26.

She's 19, I certainly knew my own mind at 19 and wouldn't have thanked the world and his dog for thinking they knew better.

Thisismyfirsttime · 07/10/2014 21:57

I'd be more concerned that he's introducing someone 'just for sex' to your children, never mind their age!

lurkernowposter · 07/10/2014 21:59

Thanks chipping

Jacksonville14 · 07/10/2014 22:20

The age difference between a 41 year old man and a potentially vulnerable 19 year old is a world apart from a 26 and 35 year old surely?

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 07/10/2014 23:14

I might have deliberately misunderstood initially... "oh, dear, you wanted to adopt? that's so sweet! Is she going to call you Daddy?"Grin (although that could open up a whole new conversation lol)

Adarajames · 08/10/2014 10:51

Re a 19 year old being given help with accommodation- care leavers are often supported even after 18.

God he's pretty awful to take advantage of someone who's barely more than a child

Sickoffrozen · 08/10/2014 11:14

Men are probably slapping him on the back and telling him what a jammy bastard he is! (Unless they have 19 yr old daughters......)

Nothing much you can do is there. It will fizzle out as all these things tend to do!

HavanaSlife · 08/10/2014 11:27

We had similar, exp 32 new gf 16, our ds 14

Didnt have to introduce her to him though, they were at school together.

No one patted him on the back , all his friends thought he was mad

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 08/10/2014 14:34

I bet she wanted to hide from you, she's hopefully embarrassed! I too think he's a total shit, taking advantage of a vulnerable young woman. And a total knob for introducing her to the kids. And just generally a total bellend.

perfectstorm · 10/10/2014 03:41

God, poor kid. What a bastard, thank God he's not your problem any more.