What is the best relationship advice you have ever been given?

[mameulah]

Am a bit struggling just now. Would appreciate some wisdom.

tia

A friend lent me "He's just not that into you" shortly after I left my first husband. It helped me see that I had always been somewhat irrelevant to him and his interest was based on how useful I was at any particular time.

I decided I'd only settle down again with a man who adored me for who I was and who I believed had the stamina to love me like that for the rest of his life. I was fortunate to find DH but I'd have been single rather than settle for less.

Annarose the advice sounds paranoid and a little "traditional"? Why wouldn't you trust a vegetarian? Plenty of jobs come with dirty nails. Soft hands? Eh? And surely you should love one another near enough equally (although loving someone is loving someone I find it difficult to see 'more' or 'less' love.

Anyway never had decent advice from anyone IRL. MN- when someone shows you who they are, listen. Learn to be happy single before you try with someone else.

The latter has helped a lot. 11 months out of shitty relationship and I am now so happy (generally) as a single person and accepting of being a single woman (forever if it comes to it, I'm not bothered) that I know if I do ever fall for someone though I actually sort of hope I dont as I like doing my own thing so much now that I will 1. Be bloody amazing, if its better than this and 2. Have the confidence to leave knowing life will be just rosy without them.

It's not advice, but I really, really wish I'd heard of hysterical bonding many years ago. I would have had a completely different life if I had.

Never be second best.

be nice.

don't do something intentionally you know irritates your partner... its the little day to day things that can grate a person and are unnecessary.

be silly and let yourself laugh!

Make sure he is kind.

Remember, you are a bit of a (whatever complaint about partner) too.

I am always amazed at the minor things people work themselves up about re: their dp, when I, maybe just a co-worker or other not quite friend, could easily name many equally annoying things they do. Including nitpick about their partner.

Given to me by a very old lady I met on a bus (had just been dumped).

Marry the man who you can sit next to on the sofa for hours. Lust comes and goes but you always need companionship.

Woody Allan said that in order to avoid the pain of divorce you should buy somebody you don't like a house. (It's not advice I have followed).

Always be able to look after yourself.

Grandma: If you think your husband is lying, its 99.9% likely he is.

Grandad: Don't ever lie to your wife.

Hit send too early.

Same grandparents:

Don't throw away something that is broken. Fix it. Or at least try.

Don't disagree in public. You are a team, act like one. Scream all you want in the privacy of your own home.

They've been married for 54 years.

My Dad and Uncle (their sons) have 4 divorces between them.

Grandma: I haven't loved your Grandad every day for the last 54 years. Some days I could barely look at him let alone love him. But he still loved me. And its been vice versa too. You fall in love with them over and over again. Staying in love indefinitely is impossible.

I've been married just over a year and they have been fantastic support through an incredibly tough year.

And now my serious contribution. From one of my great uncles: look after her and she'll look after you. It has worked well for me for 38 years.

Don't look for positive marriage guidance on this part of the forum.

Agree with Moma's comments, none of us is perfect and when I silently seethe at my DH's behaviour (occasionally, most of the time we rub along quite happily ) I know that there are things I do that infuriate him and I am sure there are lots of things about me he would like to change.

Don't sweat the small stuff is really useful to remember as well.