Should I be worried about my neighbour's behaviour? Red flags?

[ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties]

This is LONG I am so sorry but I want all the story down...

I live in a block of 4 flats on the 2nd floor. Opposite me on the same floor is my neighbour. Her front door is feet from mine. She's in her mid twenties with one small toddler and she's a single parent.

When DH and I and our 2 DC moved in, she was very pleased and friendly. Great...nice to have a friendly neighbour.

However...she has come on very strong...so while I am happy to have a coffee/chat now and then and for her baby to come in to play with my DC she seems to wait for me to come back from school pick up and then immediately descend on us.

My DC love her baby so it's hard to say no...and as I say she IS friendly and obviously lonely.

But it was becoming daily and too much. She would offer all the time to look after my DC and when she asked about what we were doing for Halloween I told her we had a party invitation...she began to tell my DC that she would do their hair and makeup and "We;ll all go shopping together...me you and your Mum and I'll do this and I'll do that for your costume..."

And it was doing my head in because I like doing that sort of thing and want to do my own children thanks very much! So I told her yesterday when she mentioned it for about the tenth time "I'm doing them myself thanks" and she iimmediately said "No I'll do them better!" and then went into some weird thing with my older dd winking and saying "Oh what's that? You want ME to do it! Oh ok."

Then she always comments on what we're cooking..."Ooh that smelled nice...what you were making for lunch...where's mine?"

BUT ALL THE TIME! Like frigging EVERY time I cook she comments on it and hints for an invitation!

I sound crackers but it feels a bit odd. She also criticizes my garden and once went in and tidied it up...when the next day she came in to sit with me in it, she tried to tell me off about an upturned plant pot! When I shut her up about it she gave me a joking but firm push...so I had to sort of push her back to assert myself in my own bloody garden!

I am aware this all sounds a bit loopy by the way.

What's made me post is her ongoing obsession with her ex and some photos she's sent me. She seems to be labouring under the illusion that she's still in a relationship with him...and she talks about him all the time...how she shouted at him down the street (I have heard her do this) and how she's sent him 30 texts one after another....he' comes to collect the baby and leaves immediately. Never stays the night or even goes into her flat! but she thinks they're in a relationship? Is this some sign of a personality disorder?

This week she has sent me two pictures on What's App. One of a man at the bus stop who is unaware she's snapped him...for no reason other than she thought his shoes were odd (they weren't) and another of our downstairs neighbour...sent this morning as he said goodbye to a visitor and she's written "You've Been Snapped!" beneath it.

Is this a red flag? I feel uneasy? I deleted both images immediately as they felt weird.

Hell yeah, red flags.

Thirty texts in a row to her ex, that's stalking. I think you'll have to be really firm with her to the point of causing her offence. It does sound as though there's something amiss with her.

I would be scared.

Distance yourself. Become busy..,all the time

"Sorry, can't stop, too much on! See you later. Bye." Slam.

I have begun to do that...be more abrupt or less accomodating...and she obviously sees it as she's stopped hassling me so much over the last few days. But it was today she sent me the pics of the neighbour who was unaware she was snapping him out of her window (!) and I think it was that which made me a bit nervous! I feel uncomfortable really.

How to block on Whatsapp.

She sounds a bit Single White Female - if you haven't seen this movie do not watch it now. Are you renting this place?

Move house.

I can't move! I've been given this place by the local housing association...they're like gold dust if you don't have a grand a month for rent!

I have seen single white female and this isn't really helping me guys. :(

I posted in relationships to get some real advice.

I also wanted to add another "thing" she did.

About two weeks ago she showed me one of those apps on her phone where you can make a sort of photo montage video with music...like a slide show sort of. She'd made one of her baby. I admired it.

Later that night, she sent me one she'd made of the girls and my DH!

She had a few pics of my girls on her phone...taken when they were playing with her toddler and once, I'd shown her some promotional material of a play my DH was in and she whipped out her phone and took a pic of the poster! So she had one image of him on her phone and she sent me this emotional sort of video photo montage with music over the top.

It's weird isn't it?

Also blocking her...that's going to look really agressive considering I see her about 4 times a day!

Ewwwwwwwwww that is creepy.

Does your Dh know how you feel about her and what does he think? I'm just worried she may try and mess with your head.

Yes he knows. He has always kept her at arms length to be honest. He's not here much as he works very long hours. But from the off he wasn't keen on her...and to be honest I was a bit suspicious too....just one of those feelings.

Dh is away all week and it sounds silly but I do feel nervous all of a sudden. He's in London with work until the weekend. :(

Sounds like something out of Single White Female!

Why does she need to have you on Whats App when you live next door?

It's very odd behaviour. Who in their right mind photographs their neighbours? If they were committing a crime sure, or a celebrity maybe.

She clearly doesn't have much going on in her life, and she may well be lonely; but if her behaviour is anything to go by, it's hardly a surprise. Even her ex doesn't hang around long when collecting their child.

How long has she been stalking over friendly towards you?

I think it's more that she may decide she's having an affair or something with him, in the same way she is stalking her ex. Fixation issues.

Chick she's been over friendly since the day we moved in. We exchanged mobile numbers because it made sense to...one day I was locked out and the intercom was broken...so we thought it would be useful.

Then she added me on WhatsAPp and I never even thought to say no...as it's a way to text when you're out of credits. So as she's always running out she could still text me if she needed to. I was at that point, thinking that I could be helpful to her.

Random I know what you mean. But what can I do? She's not on Facebook oddly enough...I have no idea why when at her age it's the norm...I did ask her why she wasn't on it and she just shakes her head.

i think you need to be honest and tell her kindly. But firmly to back off

Well I am a bit nervous of it! I don't know why but she's just...got something about her which makes that difficult!

Just make sure you and your dh speak to each other about it and let him deal with her as much as possible I guess. Be firm and fake being confident around her.

Well we have spoken about it and he's agreed with me that she seems "off" but he's often not there to see the way she is. He has noticed that she shoots downstairs when I'm in the garden....usually on the pretext of doing something in her own garden which then results in her coming into mine and sitting down!

Bumping for more advice.

thank you MrsDevere I think I'm just worried as my DC like her...but they only see the "fun" part of her really. Though they weren't at all bothered when I rebuffed the neihbour at the door today. She came round with the baby at about 4.00pm when I was trying to do DC homework. I told her this..which was hard as the baby was there all smiley and wanting to see my DC. :(

When I told the DC who it had been, they weren't bothered so I think I will just have to get them used to not mixing with her anymore. I do hope she isn't going to go weird on me though.

I remembered another incident not long after we moved in...DH and I were in the garden when a flash went off from her window..it was dark...and she said the next day "I was taking pictures of the moon...I hope you don;t think I'm weird"

And I believed her. but now she's shown me the odd pic of the man at the bus stop and our other neighbour I am thinking again!

Where does she sit in your garden? Remove that chair. Or remove all the chairs and take them out as needed, as you don't want them to rust.

Be careful, though. I have not seen SWF, but I can guess a sort of Dr. Jeckel/Mr. Hyde scenario. Try to find a way to wean her out over time. Stop being chatty with her; certainly don't share anything personal or private. Perhaps find a way to talk to her ex to find out more? Have you googled her/does she have a record?

At the end of the day though, I am with fixerupperz. What she is doing with your children over Halloween is manipulating them away from you...She is competing with you for your own kids. That is worth moving away. Do not tolerate this, make it clear she is out of order, and use that opportunity to set boundaries.

If your garden doesn't have a fence, get a tall one with no joining gate; get one even if you are renting, I'd say pay for it yourself if you are certain you can not move.

The over zealous neighbour is my idea of hell!!
Very difficult situation, but I think you're going to have to start giving her the cold shoulder.

Thanks again MrsD Band that is excellent advice! Thank you! I thought of googling her but even before that thought I asked her surname out of interest and she was very evasive! So I have no idea!

My kids are not manipulable so I'm not worried about that at all. It was like water off a duck's back to them as they're secure in our original plans and looking forward to them.

Our gardens are adjoining and have a low fence. We will look at a higher one but there is a shared yard we need to pass through to get to our private garden.

I can't move. Not an option.