There is a long backstory to all of this, and I'm trying to get DD sorted, so this may inadvertently end up being a bit of a drip feed, but I will do my best to get everything down.
DH and I have not been getting along well for a long time. There have been lots of stresses and strains in the last 6 years or so including his redundancy, thinking we were going to need IVF, me sustaining multiple serious birth injuries when I had DD 4 years ago and needing 5 operatons. All in all it's been pretty shit.
Be all that as it may, DH, whilst he is good in a crisis, he is pretty crap on the day to day stuff. He doesn't really seem to want to do stuff with me, and has tended to view me as a bit of an inconvenience. For the last few year he has worked long hours, including when he has been at home, and has also chosen other projects to work on (more on this later) and when he's not doing either of these, he chooses to sit in his office and watch Top Gear or other similar stuff on his computer. Never a question of doing anything with me. I've now given up and no longer ask.
One of these additional projects has been the renovation of the house we now live in. He insisted, and with absolutely no discussion of the subject with me after we purchased this house, on designing the entire think himself. It was a massive project - changing a small 3 bed semi plus garage into a 5 bed with a 2-storey wrap around side extension and a loft conversion. He wanted it to be 'perfect' and trusts no one, so he decided to do the whole thing himself. Despite the fact he has no training. To cut a ling story short, it took 4 and a half years from purchase to moving in. If he had employed people to assist, we could have shaved 18 months to 2 years off this. During this time, we were living in his tiny 1.5 bed flat. I got pregnant, we had DD, I was very ill with my injuries. She was over 3 when we moved out. Throughout he has been almost revolutionary in his zeal about this. The end - ie.e the perfect - justifies all means and all pain and inconvenience. My thoughts, opinions and desires werenever asked for and were ignored when given. Yes, he will say that he has consulted me. And he has. About paint finishes and the like. But not about any of the major procedural decisions. When we moved in, and I foudn the whole thing quite emotional and difficult, he asked me what my problem was because he had 'given' me a house.
So we have been in since January and the perfect house is very far from it in many ways. One key problem is that the wall of glass he deisgned at the rear lets in huge amounts of sunshine meaning the rooms at the back become very incomfortable and stifling. Another problem is that the windows he chose are very hard to fit blinds or curtains - the size, the structure, the materials used. It's a nightmare.
We finally found a blind that woudl work on at least some of these windows. Rather than going through a company that would measure, design and fit, he wanted to do it himself dircectly with a manufacturer. Well, we have had them here for a couple of months now (another gripe I have is that he has no time to finish things - which is fine, but then why insist on doing it all yourself in the first place?). He came to fit them this afternoon and they are 15 cm too short. The too-sort measurement is stated on the packaging and on the order confirmation. They are made to measure.
I flipped. All the angst and frankly anger over this whole bloody house fiasco came out. Why didn't he check? Why does it all have to take so much time because he wants to do it all himself? We still have no other blinds or curtains in anyof the rooms, and it is drving me nuts. But, no, DH has to sort it all out himself in excruciatingly minute detail and it doesn't matter how long everyone has to wait. He got really angry. Why can't I be supportive? And he stormed out of the house.
DD was very distressed and tried to run after him. She calmed down quite quickly, but I foud her reaction pretty hard to take (although perfectly understandable). DH is back now. He's not spoken to me, but has spent time with DD.
I'm still having trauma therapy for all the birth related stuff. I've been aware for about a year now that at some point i HAVE to DO something about the relationship. Whether it is to try and mend it via counselling or to try and end it. I've been too scared to make that move. Even going for counselling feels like too much. I just don't have the strength right now. Feels like a gaping chasm and I just can't go there yet.
Don't know what will happen after this row. I'm sure I am expected to apologise, say how wrong I was, and that yes of course I understand and of course I support him 100%. But that would all be a lie.
Have to be with DD and watch Frozen now. She needs some fuss. If I'm not back for a bit, I haven't gone AWOL. Thanks for reading, if you've got this far.