Cannabis use within relationship?

[moonshine123]

I have never known different, my H has always smoked cannabis. When he doesn't have it he is very moody, sulky etc. I realised a year or so back, I barely know him not high??

I don't smoke it but each to their own, does anyone elses partner use cannabis, does it affect your relationship in anyway.

Isn't it more important what happens in your relationship rather than what other people tolerate? You're describing a man who is either high, moody or sulky.... was that what you signed up for? Is it working for you?

You barely know him not high. Does that not bother you much??
Do you have children, do you think this is a good example of a parent?

Thing is, after years of use, you barely get high anymore do you?

What has happened to make you unhappy with it now?

The sulking and moodiness without it would piss me off, how much does he spend on it?

My partner smokes it,I do too occasionally, he only has a joint or two at night though.

Nothing has changed, just the moodiness etc grinds me down sometimes. He can smoke probably 6 - 8 joints per day, it's from wakening to bedtime. He probably spends £40-£50 per week.

How long have you been together? Can he hold down a job? Is he pulling his weight at home? Do you have children? What does 'moodiness etc' look like?

So in other words he's addicted to drugs and when he doesn't get them he suffers from withdrawal symptoms.

I suppose if you're fine with him taking them then you need to tell him not to run out of the stuff so he won't suffer the withdrawal symptoms!

Do you get £50/week to spend solely on yourself? Can you afford £50/week as a family? He presumably can't drive... how does he get around?

A partner addicted to illegal drugs? It would affect my relationship. It'd end it.
I hope you don't have children who are seeing this.

Illegal yes. But shouldn't be.

That aside, I agree he's addicted. Each to their own if they want to be with someone who is addicted to drugs, alcohol, etc. I couldn't be.

6-8 joints a day is a lot. It's more then £50 a week aswell op.

Well there's a whole bunch of stuff here isn't there

He's dependent
He doesn't work (I assume???)
He gets moody and sulky
He's spending money on it - can you afford that?
etc

I had a boyfriend for years who used to spark up as soon as he got in and the things it affected were sex drive (he had none) and what he did (playing computer games mainly) but I wasn't all that fussed as a. we were young b. he was kind and nice not moody and sulky and c. while he was smoking I was getting pissed up so it all fit together quite well.

Fundamentally, do you want to be with him? Do you have kids? What does he contribute to the family / couple emotionally financially etc? Just have a think.

I don't have a problem with cannabis smoking per se but that's a hell of a lot. It's far too much money to be spending for one thing, he's smoking it from morning to night so he's literally constantly stoned which is dreadful for his mental health and not to mention the sheer quantity will fuck up his physical health. He won't be able to function without it will he? I wouldn't be happy about that.

I've known several people who smoke joints essentially like cigarettes.

All of them, both male and female, were negative and irritable unless they were immediately after a joint. It was very tiresome. Not a turn-on, frankly.

I also always made excuses for not getting lifts with them once I realised how much was in their system every day.

I am a recovering addict of cannabis among other things. I got addicted while psychotically depressed. I gave up 6 months ago a £40 a week habit. I slipped 3 months ago and bought £20 worth smoked that and then went clean again.

I find I am not as irritable grumpy or as short tempered now. I am horrified I was spending so much on drugs.

Life is much better now and I don't think I will go back. The cannabis robbed me of the ability to do anything. In a way the fact that you can smoke it constantly makes it harder to give up than more addictive drugs IMO.

I don't want my dc exposed to that and that's why I stopped. I was exposed to a lot of drugs as a child mostly cannabis and amphetamine. Which my dad took regularly.

It's not nice growing up with a parent who is constantly stoned or off their face. It lowers your own inhibitions toward taking drugs and in my case meant everytimes things got hard I felt a great desire to use drugs to fix things.

The fact you've posted here for opinions suggests you are not happy with the situation, but are hoping people will say it's ok, quite normal, and affirm your continuing of the marriage.

I am not one of those affirming people. I have worked as a volunteer with prisoners, ex-prisoners (most of whom smoked in prison and afterwards) and active/recovering drug-addicts. Believe me, this is a slippery slope to nowhere. Cannabis is more dangerous than one would think. It can lead to psychotic mental conditions (eg schizophrenia) and severe depression/demotivation, plus escalation to Class A drugs. The smoke (including passive smoking, ie YOU) is far more carcinogenic than ordinary cigarettes. Your H must be buying the stuff from a dealer illegally. His use would cost way more than a mere £50 pw. He is already addicted. It isn't just a 'fun recreational substance'. I have personally seen the 'fun' and it isn't at all funny.
You can of course choose to continue this life. I certainly wouldn't; I'd run a mile.

Hi, I've been with my DP since we were 17 and I'm now 32. dP smoked cannabis when I met him and smoked it throughout our relationship up until two years ago when I really had to put my foot down and ask him to quit. When we first hooked up I smoked cannabis occasionally too, but never got 'addicted' I could always happily live without it and didn't feel the need to buy it. My DP however, would spend about £20 pounds a week on it, sometimes more. Initially, when we were just students I suppose I wasn't too bothered by it. However, as life moved on and we got jobs and life became more serious, the reliance on constantly smoking weed got on my nerves. My DP was smoking it most nights, sometimes in his breaks at work!! He made some stupid errors, such as turning up for two driving tests at the wrong time (which cost us money cos he had to do a retest) and a variety of other really stupid things and I was sure it was because he was stoned. As we bought a house together, he'd be stoned on weekends and couldn't be bothered to do usual household chores and mowing the lawns etc. He made some pretty bad errors at work and I genuinely believe the smoking of dope didn't help. When I got pregnant I said there's no way I'm having him smoking around our child. I noticed that he started to lie about having to nip out and he'd be popping out to buy weed to smoke on the sly. He'd want to cut short family outings at weekends to nip and buy some weed, he had very bad mood swings and was obviously seriously agitated when he wasn't smoking weed. His anger and mood swings were really bad and were the main reason that I told him I couldn't cope with him continuing to smoke anymore. We had major arguments over his smoking, the cost to us (we were pretty skint anyway) and we had so many times where he would promise to quit and then I'd discover that he'd bought some and was smoking again. Eventually after a couple of years of smoking on and off, we agreed he was probably mainly addicted to the nicotine in the spliff and he began to smoke normal cigarettes, cutting weed out. Eventually, he weaned himself off cigarettes and has managed after years of trying to also wean himself off weed. He's like a different person, he's not half as moody, has been promoted several times at his work and now earns over twice as much as he did when he was in the depths of smoking weed. He is genuinely a much better parent and honestly, he's not half as agitated or moody. I cannot express to you enough the mood swings that cannabis causes, it really does affect the mental state and if your partner isn't willing to try to quit smoking and you are already frustrated by his mood swings, you should consider leaving him as he'll never improve while he's smoking that stuff. Best of luck to you

My OH is a user.

Things have changed drastically since DS was born but he still smokes it. Not daily any more (or even weekly) but it is still part of his - and our - life.

It's driven us to the brink, OH is self employed and when he doesn't work he has our DS. I found out he'd been smoking it when in charge of child and basically kicked him out.

He did go through rehab, reassessed his use and made many changes but he has not completely stopped. It's now something that he does very recreationally? So on a Saturday he may have a joint, same as I would have a few glasses of wine. Always after DS is in bed...

I know he isn't smoking more as he has put measures in place to assure me, for example I am in charge of all household finances. He couldn't be buying weed as I account for all the money and OH was happy for this to prove that his usage had changed.

OH still smokes tobacco though and in all honesty this pisses me off more than the weed? A joint or two a day is now 10+ rolls ups a day??

I am an ex smoker (fags, never the other stuff - I dabbled as a teen but never liked it) so in some respects I do understand the struggles as a smoker.

Sorry I have rambled but basically weed started to seriously effect our relationship in a negative way. When we were single and childless - lived together for 7 years, DS is 2, it was fine. I mean I never loved his habit but it didn't effect our lives so negatively. Once child arrived though things changed and my OH didn't.

The past few years have been hard, we've had many struggles - not just with the smoking - but I think we've finally turned a corner.

The next aim is for my OH to completely stop smoking, everything but as someone who successfully stopped several years ago I know that the timing has to be right.

My OH was never stoned, years of use means he doesn't get buzzed but he was heavily dependent, he has come a long way but still has a way to go.

What do you get out of this relationship? How satisfying is it to be with someone you barely know?

Not sure why I have changed so much about it really, I think like someone else has said, he does it so much that this is they way I know him.
He doesn't work but has done, but becomes irritated and walks out of jobs probably due to not being able to smoke freely.
Cant really go anywhere as he like to take his stuff with him so he smokes probably ever 4 hours approx.
I do have a l/o but this is never done around her but im not daft she will realise as she gets older x

In all honesty it effects everything in my relationship. Right now I would go as far as to say it's destroying it.

DP has smoked it everyday since he was 16 (now 28). He holds down a good job, but our money just disappears.
I've lost count on the talks, the arguments. The threats to leave. After each one, he tries to change, but I'm still dealing with it.
He was smoking it 5 times a day at one point. Costing us £400 a month.
Needless to say he has cut down a lot to going out 3-4 times a week ( i make him go out as I won't have it anyway near me or the house). This means I'm alone all evening. I go to bed about 10pm, he is still out. Then he comes home & falls asleep on the sofa.

He is lazy at home, thoughtless & so moody/sulky & aggressive if he really wants it.
I've cried so many times I've lost count.

If you can live with it, them that's your decision. But sometimes the solution is not an easy one, & inevitably will cause pain somewhere to someone

He doesn't sound like much of a catch OP. When somebody is choosing any selfish bad habit over earning a living and keeping their family, that's a really serious problem. You're never going to have any money as he'll find it more and more difficult to get a job. And what kind of life will it be for a child growing up with a lazy father who does nothing except sit about stoned or in a bad mood?

Have you ever asked/told him to stop?

I'm sorry to point out the obvious but if your little one spends more than 4 consecutive hours with him then she is around it. Might not actually see him smoking it but she is around someone on drugs and will feel all that you feel about that. Please don't live in denial about that one.

Your right saltnpepa, I stupidly didn't think of it that way! I spoke with him previously when he was searched and found to have some on him, I was so scared as I thought it would be in our local paper and affect my job, thankfully it wasn't. Also panicked our home would become target for searching etc. I don't bother asking now as I know he will never stop, he has been doing it for 20+years.
It also makes him really paranoid, my mum also gives me a really hard time as she cant see why I stick around x

I think you have to think about what is best for your child as your priority and he is not best, he's an unemployed drug addict and that gives her nothing to look up to. Sorry to put it so bluntly but surely you can find better than that?

Never known my dp without it but he doesn't get 'high'

He is awful if he tries to stop though and we almost split last time he tried. I want him to stop as I am worried about the long term impacts on him