Cannabis use within relationship?

[moonshine123]

I have never known different, my H has always smoked cannabis. When he doesn't have it he is very moody, sulky etc. I realised a year or so back, I barely know him not high??

I don't smoke it but each to their own, does anyone elses partner use cannabis, does it affect your relationship in anyway.

Its not ideal, but its what he uses to cope, rather than it being the problem itself. He finds it a lot better than the harsh psychiatric drugs the doctors wanted him on

Two or three thoughts really.

1. Absolute baseline, you need to have compatible moral views about this. He's clearly happy with regular use, including when there is a child in the family. Does that fit with your views about it? If your views don't match up then there is no future for this relationship, it's just going to keep repeating the same argument over and over again. He won't change, you won't suddenly find it acceptable.

I don't think, BTW, that you've suddenly changed your tune here. You might well believe that it's a perfectly fine thing to use occasionally, even regularly, when you're young and don't have children/as many responsibilities, or on special occasions where children aren't around, or as long as it isn't impacting on other areas of your life. If you do then you probably always thought that way (whether you ever chose to use yourself or not), the mistake made was to assume that he also shared the same view, when his view was more that it's fine any time, all the time, not directly in front of children, perhaps, but he hasn't stopped because you've had a family, which means that he feels he's morally fine doing so. (And if he's smoking every few hours then he's almost certainly high around her even if not smoking in front of her).

1. A lot of posters on MN are vehemently anti any drugs ever. That's their opinion, just because it is backed up by law, doesn't make it more valid than another point of view. They might have some good points or might be totally off the mark. Read the posts at face value but be aware that opinions and emotions run extremely high on this topic.

1. I think you've already outlined a lot of this but I would look at the whole picture, not just "cannabis = harmless/bad", it's not that black and white. If it's affecting life in other ways, like his moods, the lack of working/money bringing in, money he's spending on it, amount of time he's available to spend with his DD, etc. Those are issues which need addressing and if cannabis is the source then that might be separate to any moral view about what's right and wrong or acceptable etc (or it might be totally intertwined with it.)

If he's rolling it with tabacco then he will also be addicted to the nicotine which would add to the irritatability when he's not smoked for a while

Dp and I both used to smoke before kids. Now I have not smoked for my pregnancies and for around a year after the first one and plan the same this time. Dp currently will have one spliff on a Saturday night and after I stop breastfeeding as long as the baby is reliably asleep and unlikely to wake until morning I will do the same.

Dp and I both have very technical jobs and professional chartered qualifications and it never has affected this. I see it much like a glass of wine - and we both dont drink very often.

The illegality is a bit of a red herring morally to be honest. And it can't ever be physically addictive - it's just a habitual addiction. I should know I have given up cold turkey twice from daily smoking with no issues at all.

When we were students we smoked from morning til night but it's not a positive thing to do anything that much so that would concern me in your situation. Ditto the moody behaviour. It's actually so much more enjoyable to smoke small amounts irregularly of mild weed as you get all the good enjoyable effects and none of the bad. I would encourage him to make a break so he can then go back to smoking with much more of a balanced approach afterwards.

To top things off, my hours have been cut at work, being the only breadwinner this is a huge problem for me.

So done with it all to be honest, don't know why I have become like this and how to change things x

2. A lot of posters on MN are vehemently anti any drugs ever. That's their opinion, just because it is backed up by law, doesn't make it more valid than another point of view.

Generally when a point is backed up by law it is because it reflects the views of the majority. Just because it is backed up by law means it is more valid than another point of view because it is illegal, you know? The law? Having children around something that is illegal is not a good idea, that's not just my point of view, that is the law. Oh dear how exhausting.

I'm in the better than alcohol camp too. My dh does it to be able to have better sex and to fall asleep and other than a bit of pink eye I can't tell he's had it. If he sat there drinking beer all night getting all slurry and annoying I'd have a problem.
Using it to suppress depressive and nasty behaviour's is not really a drug issue but a psychological one. He needs help beyond this thread and should see his gp. Good luck op.

Generally when a point is backed up by law it is because it reflects the views of the majority. Just because it is backed up by law means it is more valid than another point of view because it is illegal, you know? The law?

Totally disagree, just because our wonderful government says it's illegal that doesn't make it any more harmful than say alcohol, in fact booze is even worse.

It's not the majority, you will probably find behind closed doors it's far more prevalent than you think. People who don't and haven't been around it tend to know nothing about the effects and harm.

Are we really saying it's ok for someone to take drugs all day every day when there's a small child in the house because it's moderately preferable to getting pissed all day? How about not taking any intoxicating mind altering substances all day? or is that not reasonable/achievable?

Oh yes totally ignore the WHO report, what do they know about the effects of drugs, just because some stupid government has decided it's illegal who cares?!

Much better to go on the anecdotal evidence of a bunch of potheads cannabis users on MN to decide whether gear is harmful or not.

Yes that's much more sensible.