Cannabis use within relationship?

[moonshine123]

I have never known different, my H has always smoked cannabis. When he doesn't have it he is very moody, sulky etc. I realised a year or so back, I barely know him not high??

I don't smoke it but each to their own, does anyone elses partner use cannabis, does it affect your relationship in anyway.

Isn't it more important what happens in your relationship rather than what other people tolerate? You're describing a man who is either high, moody or sulky.... was that what you signed up for?

Apparently it is, since she said he has always done it and she's never known any different.

The problem is wackadoodle, people change over time, grow up etc, have kids and that changes dynamics, that's what has happened with me, but having the strength to make changes that changes everything in your life is very, very tough x

It's tough but there are some things you have to make a stand over

So you are at work, with a DC, and he is at home smoking gear? What a great parent he is. Does he look after DC?

Setting aside the spliff-smoking for a second, the longer he sits on his arse doing not very much the more difficult it will be for him to find a job, any job.

Do you honestly want to see yourself at the age of fifty-plus saddled with someone unemployable while you go out to work to keep the household going? Time passes very quickly and that could be your future.

Cannabis smoking is all very well on occasion but a full-time career? Not bloody likely!

Do you want to be with him? Not thinking about the practicalities or DC or whatever for a moment but just, do you want to be with him? Do you enjoy your relationship, does it give you stuff, emotionally and so on? Do you like him, does he make you laugh, is he good company, does he brighten your day?

The answer to that will help inform what approach to take.

A relative smoked a lot. We all noticed a difference in his behaviour. He was more short tempered, irrational, lazy etc etc. He wasn't high at those particular times, it was between smoking.

Now he's fully off it and again we've noticed a difference. He's much more polite, considerate and engages in life. At the time I noticed a difference I didn't know he'd been off it for a while, I mentioned in passing how well he'd been acting lately and I was happy to see he'd calmed down... it was only then I was told he'd quite a while back.

I couldn't be with someone who spent our entire relationship in an "altered" state. Whether that be marijuana, alcohol or anything else. You're not really in a relationship with that person at all. What sort of security do you have with them? What level of trust? How could you trust that person in an emergency? Or feel like they're there when you need them? He's utterly useless basically.

Sounds like he has a problem and needs help, or you should move on.

My ex smoked it, the nasty stuff as well, and was pleasant to be around when high but an arsehole on a comedown. The weed didn't make him an arsehole, he already was one, but it highlighted those aspects of his personality. He said it was medicinal and helped relieve pain but the truth was he was addicted. His friend grew it for a living and gave it away to my ex.

I now wouldn't touch a stoner with a bargepole. Life's too short.

I knew someone whose husband spent all day at home playing games on the computer, while she went out and held down a responsible job.

Guess who was the spliff-smoker.

Her.

I have and have a lot of friends who are stoners. Probably about 25 people. All of them I have seen it negatively affect. I went through a period of smoking a lot myself, because I was depressed and I became house bound.
It makes people anxious. It makes them slow. It makes them confused easily. It makes everyone shitter after a while. Any mental health issues it makes so much worse. It's bloody expensive too! I am certain your patent spends much more money than he tells you if he has 8 spliffs a day. Although some areas you can get it a bit cheaper.

Cannabis is a nasty drug that has no place in family life andbit should absolutely remain illegal. Its ine if my deal breakers. Why is it any betrer than being an alchohilic ?

Cannabis is very much prevalent in family life I'm, afraid, anyone thinking it's a hidden minority is very much being naïve.

Agree with above, it's definitely less nastier than alcohol.

Being 'less nasty than alcohol' is hardly a commendation... Bottom line is that any bad habit has the ability to destroy a relationship and ruin a family and everyone has a different opinion on what kind of bad habits are tolerable or manageable. If the OP is saddled with someone who is moody, sulky and shiftless it doesn't really matter what causes it.

My DP does, yes. I don't like him doing it but he used to do it every day, now he works nights he hardly touches it but does like a joint every now and then. I used to smoke £30 worth every day but now, nothing. I hated it and it fucked me up. DP knows and has said to me if his friends start going down the wrong path (which one of them is, MKAT, MDMA, Speed) he will cut contact because he wants a life. He likes his joint every now and then. it's not a lot, but I'd like him to not do it, it's not every day and he's smoked it for 5 years now. He is amazing sober but I don't like seeing him high. We don't live together so I can avoid it, but when we do live together he's not doing it in the house/garden (he knows this, doesn't want the house stinking of weed when our families come round/kids in the future)
I don't LIKE it, but I can live with it.

The reason I don't like it, I smoked a lot more than he ever did, and ever will. I now have seasonal affective disorder as well as anxiety and pranoia that is beginning to ruin my life.
i didn't have it before then. I lost all self esteem and confidence and I'm only JUST rebuilding it.

Cannabis IS a nasty drug as it also causes psychosis and paranoia.

The Beatles were better at music before they got into drugs IMO . Hemp oil is used for medicinal purposes but I'd still rather have morphine if I was in pain.
What gets on my nerves about this drug is that it is perceived as a chilled out, cool hippy drug. Uuuuggggrrr!

And I have tried it quite a few times. Hated it and the paranoia.

Re less nasty than alcohol - is why I tolerated it for so long with my exH. He was a morose verging on emotional drunk. When we were young I enjoyed it when he smoked rather than drank. However, I regard it as an insidious substance which fosters malaise - mine could never hold down a job either and eventually just didn't. In the end he couldn't even be bothered to source the weed - the corner shop was less hassle. Back to the booze and the eventual demise of the relationship. I believe he had an addictive personality, but regret having tolerated the cannabis - slippery slope for me.

emotionally abusive drunk

It is so difficult to write how I feel, im so confused.

He does smoke a lot and is short tempered and irritable when he doesn't have it. If we go away anywhere I dread getting there as I know anything more than 3 hrs and this will push him to be irritable.

He doesn't work, he sometimes does cash in hand small jobs which funds the habit. I work and pay everything to do with the family home, mortgage, insurances etc.

I just didn't think I would become like this and I think I am so far down I cant see out to be alone x

Front page this morning in the paper:-

Professor Wayne Hall, drugs advisor to the WHO and prof of Addiction Policy at King's College London, has published a paper summarising a 20 yr study on the effects of cannabis...

It makes worrying reading.

It's now proven that it doubles the risk of developing psychotic disorders including schizophrenia.
Those who use it are more likely to go on to hard drugs.
Driving after use doubles the risk of a car crash.
It impairs intellectual development in adolescents.
One in six become dependent on it.
It is harder to withdraw from it than from heroin.

It goes on and on. Anyone who still believes it's harmless after these latest scientific revelations is self-deluding.

Mine smokes it a lot. Has a very good well paid job, and always has had good jobs.
Hes a bit more highly strung without it, especially for the first day and then back to normal, but thats his lookout. Hes pretty highly strung anyway, I think thats why he likes it so much.
It doesnt particularly bother me. My dad was pretty much like this except without the job or the nice personality, and Ive also known a lot of other dope smokers my whole life. Its not particularly far out in my circles, although I wouldnt say it was the norm either, but ive always known a lot of very creative alt types, where noone bats an eyelid at it.